Hey Todd,

Congrats!! We are 2 weeks.
I have pretty much given upon this section and moved to the general forum.
Good luck.

Hello Todd!

I check in here regularly, but it is quiet. There is another forum website just for fathers of multiples that was formed, and many of the fathers went there. The link to that site is http://father2father.com/ . It is not very busy there, either, but more than here. It was formed partly due to women "invading" the man-cave here, and partly to expand the topics discussed -- like sports, tools and such. As a soon-to-be father of multiples, you'll get a lot out of reading their archives, and I think you will get a lot of answers to your questions from the fathers there.

If you have any specific questions, I'd be more than happy to help out here
!.

Generally, your wife may have to go on bedrest or at least greatly limit her activities (and the time she spends on her feet), so be thinking of that. Every case is different...but you still have 3 months before having to worry about that.

Depending on your finacial situation, avoid spending money of things for newborns...cribs, clothes etc. We found that we got lots of offers for used cribs once people found out we were having triplets (one can buy new mattresses pretty cheap)...and newborns just don't need clothes, other than a bunch of practical items ("Onesies"). If people ask what to give as shower gifts...diapers will be useful!

We had our boys in our room and in one crib until they got too big -- then we went with two cribs. When it was time for three cribs, they were moved into their own room. Their room was kept as simple as possible. Find a couple changing tables, one for their room, and one centrally located...you'll be spending a lot of time at them. Some change diapers on their bed...that would have killed my back.

One item that will eventually be needed is a stroller. Lots of pros and cons on the different makes and models. The Run-About triplet stroller was my sanity saver. I was a stay-at-home dad, and I used the stroller every day...going on one or two walks from 2 to 4 hours each (I was lucky...my boys would fall asleep as soon as we got moving). The stroller is built to go anywhere...I took a lot of hikes on trails, etc with it. Some moms don't like them -- they are not very "pretty". Expensive -- but some on the used market with replacement parts easily bought from the manufacturer.

Expect to be heavily involved...decide now that you are undertaking a life-changing experience, and that the old way of life is gone...not just modified a little. It can be frustrating, but the rewards are worth it. At the same time, it is important to remember that you and your wife were married and loving each other before the kids came along -- and none of that should be sacrificed to the duties of parenthood.

But welcome to the club...and get ready for the ride of your life!

Vaughn.

Vaughn and the ABC Boys
Alex, Bryce, & Calder
3-31-97 @ 28.5 weeks
http://s515.photobucket.com/albums/t356/vaughn3abc/

Todd,

Congrats on your future arrivals. I mainly hang out in the main boards as the fathers forum has always been this way. I have been a Stay-at-home-Dad since the boys were 3 months old. I will try not to duplicate what Vaughn said but here are some of my suggestions:

1. First and foremost, be ready to step up to the plate as both a husband and then as a father. When your DW goes on bedrest you will need to takeover most of the household chores. Use this time to figure out what you "like" to do and what you "cant stand" to do so when the little ones arrive you and your DW can talk about about how things are going to be split going forward. You and your wife are going to need to be a team to get through this (the next 18 years).

2. Get into a new parents class EARLY (we had ours at 24 weeks) as opposed to waiting when they typically want you to attend 30+ weeks. Realize now that you are going to be in the NICU, how long is the only variable. Arrange for a special one-on-one tour of the NICU and talk with the doctors and staff. This one thing made it much easier for us when our trio decided to make an early entrance at 28 weeks.

3. Take a very active interest in both your wife's pregnancy and the babies once they arrive. This was easy for me because of my medical background but I was very watchful of my wife's diet and then with medical care in the NICU. Stay involved and ask questions, lots of questions. Remember they are are your babies, their care should be a based on a team approach between you, the doctors and the nurses. The nurses are your best friends, they like fresh fruit, etc.

4. We started our trio in their own room from the start. With the extended NICU stays we didnt co-bed. Everyone had their own crib from the beginning. We have a single changing table which is in the hall outside their room. This makes middle of the night diaper changes easier because you arent worrying about turning lights on in their room. Besides their cribs, their room has a rocking chair and their dresser.

5. If you dont have a blog or website already get one started before they arrive. One, it will be a great way to share everything that will be going on with family and friends once they arrive. Second, should things not go as expected (such as our early delivery) it is a great way of keeping everyone informed without having to relive the NICU roller coaster ride with every family member to give updates. We would give our parents updates on the drive home from the hospital, everyone else read it on our website. Also get a notebook, which is great for keeping track of information and writing down questions that you need to ask.

6. A stroller is a must. We have a Triple Decker. In the beginning our infant seats just hooked right into the frame. This is great when you go places because the babies never have to come out of their infant seats. From the house to the car, to the stroller back to the car, etc. Now, we converted it to toddler seats using bike seats from Walmart. The stroller allowed me to go where I feel comfortable going with the boys, whether it be shopping or just on a walk to get some fresh air.

Finally, be prepared to be a "Rock" for your family. You are going to be the one to shoulder the emotional weight of entire family (yours and hers). You will need to remain positive even if you are feeling just the opposite because your emotions will set the tone for everyone elses. This is especially true in the first 48 hours when your DW is going to be recovering from her C-section and you are going to be shuttling family in and out of the NICU. You are also going to be the gate keeper of information if needed. My wife didn't know just "how" critical our one son was at birth until almost a week afterward. Not everyone needs to know everything, immediately.

I hope that this helps. Take a look at our website to get an idea of what we have gone through with our guys. If you have any other questions, feel free to email us (email is on the website). Again good luck with your impending arrivals.

T.L. (SAHD)

Our little hoodlums:
Jacob - 2lb 15oz "Pastafarian"
Noah - 1lb 8 oz "Ut-Oh-ologist"
Samuel - 1lb 15 oz "Meatatarian" It's a commitment
DOB: 8/9/06 at 28+1


www.caringbridge.org/visit/ralstontriplets

As you can see, Todd, is that everyone's experience with multiples will be different and what works for one family may not work for another. For example our 3 boys were in the NICU for 8 weeks, but were all released on the same day, making co-bedding easier -- and in our case, the boys slept better, quieter and longer co-bedding than in their own cribs.

I could take my boys for long walks in the stroller because they would fall asleep almost immediately -- yet I have heard from other families that one or more of their babies did not like moving in a stroller or a car. That would have driven me mad!

We were lucky in that both dw and I had health insurance through our jobs. One covered 80% and the other picked up the remainder. I am not familiar enough about Aflack to say anything about it. You might ask about that on the main board here, as it has been discussed quite a bit there.

We were also lucky that dw was a maternity nurse. She went back to work about two months after the boys left the NICU. As a maternity nurse, the formula reps that visited the hospital dw worked at gave us all the formula we needed, so that was one big expense we avoided.

We ordered diapers thru our internet business, so we had the UPS dropping off one or two cases at a time. We only had to buy then at the store a few times when we did not order in time. We could have bought other brands of diapers cheaper at the stores, but cheap diapers do not save you money in the long run. One has to change them more often and one ends up with babies with diaper rash more often.

One thing that was a help to us (because movement would put the boys asleep) were swings. They set up in the house and are either battery operated or one cranked then up. One just straps the baby in the seat and they slowly swung back and forth. The battery ones are much nicer -- the crank ones would wake the boys when they had to be re-cranked once they wound down. We ended up with 3 of them -- two battery ones and one crank. THe is the sort of thing you can keep an eye out for on Craigs List or the thrift store -- and there might be a store near you that specializes in used baby stuff. I don't remember what happen to ours -- probably gave them away.

There is a bunch of small things that make life easier. Used cloth diapers and receiving blankets -- we had a whole bunch of these. We would keep them stashed all around the house, and I always put one over my shoulder when ever I had a baby in my arms (which seemed to be most of the time!) My guys were always spitting up, thus the constant need of something on my shoulder and another in reach where ever I happened to be!

Some folks like mixing up a bunch of formula at a time, we tended to mix up only enough for the next feeding. And woe to the man who forgets to mix some up and has three crying babies and finds himself out of mixed formula! Only happened a couple times with me -- and that was enough! What a noise! I never mixed formula so fast! LOL!

Another consideration is one's support group. We had no family within 800 miles (and the other half was 7000 miles away), and we belonged to no church, so we had a minimal support group -- we were pretty much on our own. Fortunately both dw and I had flexible enough work schedules that one of us was always home.

So keep this in mind and explore the possibilities for support from friends, family, your church, etc. Things they might help out with could be watching the babies for a couple hours so that you can get chores done around the house, or maybe just to go out for a quiet walk with your wife...perhaps have a cup of coffee together, or lunch.

Of course this can backfire and you can have too much help (or at least too many people hanging around) and as a result lose some of your privacy. You might find having to lay down some simple rules...no unplanned visitors (few things are worse than finally get the babies down for naps, only to have someone ring the door bell and wake them up!), and definitely no sick visitors (kick out anyone with the sniffles, runny noses, etc -- they should have known better than to come by in the first place!) Some parents have had to go as far as posting these rules on their front door -- you might even have to go as far as temporarily disconnecting the doorbell and/or removing the door knocker if you have one.

If people say they want to help out -- have a list of tasks, such as picking up some things at the store for you or other errands. If they really want to help, and not just want to be around three babies, then they will appreciate actually being of some help.

Well, that is more than enough for now. Our boys are almost 12 years old -- all this stuff is far behind us now. Now it is parent/teacher conferences, homework, band practice, gymnastics, basketball games (our boys' team won today -- and Bryce made his best shot so far this season -- unfortunately it was in the opposite teams basket...he got a bit confused after half-time...so it goes), and all that -- along with some heavy-duty pre-teen attitudes!

But it is also going to the beach, camping, ping pong games in the garage, hikes in the redwoods, backpacking, and all that stuff.

If you have any hobbies, take advantage of the next few months to enjoy them to the max.

Vaughn and the ABC Boys
Alex, Bryce, & Calder
3-31-97 @ 28.5 weeks
http://s515.photobucket.com/albums/t356/vaughn3abc/

Todd, congratulations. I am sure there are a million things going through your mind. I have four daughters under 2 years old, three of whom are 5 months old. The experience has been great for us - crazy but great - and we feel really lucky. Here is my advice for you:

1. Definitely do the aflac deal. It is not a scam and can really result in a lot of supplemental coverage for you. My buddy has triplets and received over 10k from his aflac coverage. We did aflac on his advice and ended up with a lot more than that. Don't wait until the last second on obtaining the coverage, I think you need to be signed up for 30 days before the birth for coverage to apply - and with triplets, birthday can come any day.

2. Eliminate all expectations of getting out and doing things and you will be surprised at how much you are able to get out and do things. I still get to play tennis 3 times a week and my wife gets out a few times a week to work out and see her friends. It helps that we have two sets of grandparents and a live in au pair, but everyone is amazed that life doesn't just stop because you have a bunch of kids in diapers.

3. If you have a chance to get a break or get out, take advantage.

4. Take the long way home from the grocery store (this is a joke, but I have done it).

5. Make sure your wife gets a lot of breaks, even if it means you have to be superhusband and watch all of the kids. You want your wife to be happy, and she's going to need a break in order for that to happen. Anyway, you'll get lots of kudos for staying home with all of the kids while your wife's friends' complain that their husbands won't stay home with one kid.

6. Don't give up on having a sex life. Just schedule it and it can be as good or better than ever.

7. Get the babies out of the house. Everyone feels better when this happens - the babies and the parents. Walks are key and can be fun.

Good luck Todd. I don't know if any of this will really help. The best advice I can give you is to stay positive. The beginning will be tough, but some day you will look at your kids and long for the days that they were so small and needed so much from you.

Keep us updated.

Todd,

Congratulations from here, too. The replies you've received are fantastic. Reading through them brought back some memories, let me tellya. I really like the idea of starting a blog. That would've helped us a lot, even during the pregnancy. Getting the information out can be time-consuming and tricky.

One thing that took me by surprise was the bedrest. My wife started pre-term labor at 19 weeks (ironically, while out shopping for baby clothes, etc) and it was home bedrest from there until she went into the hospital in her 30th week. If this happens to your wife - and it is not uncommon - all of the food shopping, lauundry, and every other household chore will fall to you. So you may want to do some mental planning as to how you would handle this. And try to get any big household projects out of the way now.

Otherwise, we were like Vaughan, and didn't buy much until the babies were born, although I remember being in the market for a crib towards the end of the pregnancy. We did join the TC and, once our pregnancy was published in the magazine, a local triplet family got in touch with us to lend some much-appreciated encouragement.

We would have done Aflac had we known about it.

Best regards,

Chuck
gbg 1997
b 2008

Rick? Code?

How are things going guys? I know you all must be busy as heck, but I hope you and your new family are doing well! Keep us all posted!

Talk to you soon!

Todd

Todd

Proud father to BBG triplets, born 33 weeks, 2 days on 7/9/09.
Claire
Matt
Drew
http://themesserletrio.blogspot.com