hi, new to the interet groups. Wife, Gennea, is expecting triplets soon. Doctor hopes she goes to August 15 (36 weeks), but she is really due in late Septmember. Any of you able to give some new fatherly advice?
Is it ok to post anywhere or only on the fathers group?
Gennea is in the hospital and I am holding down the fort until she and the triplets can come home to join me. She is doing fine, but I am scared for her saftey. How do you handle the fear? How do you afford so many kids? We did invetro three times. Now we are scared to raise these kids.
Any advice would be apreciaiated.
Keifer

Welcome to the Father's Forum. First of all congratulations! The world of triplets is amazingly wonderful. That's not to say that it is not a lot of work either. Do you have any other children? If not, spend as much time with your wife as possible. Take crafts, magazines, movies, hobby stuff to her. I lived in the hospital with Susan for the month before the kids were born, which really helped with her sanity (As well as mine). The thought of having three children all at once is a little overwhelming but you will soon get used to it. Knowledge is power. Read up on everything you can get your hands on. Triplet Connection has a good reference package that you can order. Look in to getting AFLAC supplemental insurance. We got $28,000 tax free money from our policy. It's a wise investment. As to how do you afford three kids: you learn to sacrifice and cut corners. Some of these lessons are not learned until later.
Susan and I had come to the point that we wanted children and it did not matter how we got them here (adoption, invitro, etc.). You handle the fear by keeping busy and having faith that God will keep you all safe.

Keep coming back to TC. It is a valuable resource.

Justin
Husband to Susan
Dad to Kimball, Karissa, Kelsey 11/22/00 34wks.

Justin
Husband to Susan
Dad to Kimball, Karissa, Kelsey 11/22/00 34wks
Emily - 11/8/2005

Justin,

Welcome aboard and congratulations! You are in the middle of a wild ride - hang on tight! If my math is correct you all are at about 26 weeks. The remaining time will get increasingly difficult for your wife both mentally and physically. The best generic advice I can give you is to educate yourself thoroughly on HOM pregnancies, keep your wife's spirits up as best you can, and turn everything else over to God.

As to your specific questions:
=> The FF is a great place to come for advice, interaction with other men who understand your situation, not a small bit of kidding around, and other tomfoolery. I personally post to any board that does not specifically exclude me by definition (i.e. I don't post to 'Triplet Talk' since I am not a triplet). In any case the moms frequently have insightful things to say on many matters so don't exclude yourself from the main boards...

=> As for handling fear, you turn it over to God. In the final analysis you have to place the babies (and your wife) in His hands because there is nothing you can do about it. Pray 'em if you got 'em!

=> As for affording trips. You just do. You give up the 'keep up with the Joneses' gig and get by. In all probability, you will have more help than you can imagine. Our trips are 20 months old and we still haven't purchased the first piece of clothing for them (no they are not running around naked LOL)...

TC is a great resource for you. Come here often and ask specific questions. I have included a couple of links to previous posts on this subject you may find interesting. Don't hesitate to contact any of us for help!

http://www.tripletconnection.org/cgi-bin/dcforum/dcboard.cgi?az=show_thread&om=21&forum=DCForumID17&viewmode=all
http://www.tripletconnection.org/cgi-bin/dcforum/dcboard.cgi?az=show_thread&om=68&forum=DCForumID17&viewmode=all

Regards,

John

http://webpages.charter.net/jnkspencer/index.htm

Kiefer,

I just realized I got your name wrong in my previous post. Apologies to you an Justin. I was coming off of twelve hours of OT when I wrote to you and my brain was fried...

Regards,

John

http://webpages.charter.net/jnkspencer/index.htm

Welcome Keifer,
Having just recently went through the wife's 5 week hospitalization and subsequent birth of triplets my best advice is do everything possible to keep her busy. All of the idle time can lead to depression. You didn't mention if you had any other children, but my wife was going absolutely insane not being able to be with our 20 month old except for an hour or two a night.

My trio obviously isn't home yet so I cannot comment on the financial aspect except to say we've tried to prepare. We downgraded vehicles to save on car payments. We started saving as much as possible when we found out. We are very lucky to have all of our family near for assistance. I can tell you that going from a family of 3 to a family of 6 and from 2 incomes to 1 was the most stressful thing for me to handle. My trio was spontaneous. It was truly a miracle from God so I put my trust in him. He obviously wanted me to have them and I know he'll take care of us.

Nothing will take the fear away. You have to put your trust in the healthcare workers. This was the hardest pill for me to swallow. I felt terrible looking at my babies with all of the tubes sticking out of them. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help them and it killed me. Luckily mine are progressing quickly so that stress is lessening. It's also tough wanting to be with your wife while she recovers, yet also wanted to be by your children's side.

Just put your trust in God and pray that he watches over your family and I'm sure everything will turn out great. Congratulations and keep us posted.

Phil
Proud papa to:
Brennan (20 mo.)
Jackson, Landon, Molly 6-10-03

Phil
Proud papa to:
Brennan (20 mo.)
Jackson, Landon, Molly

Keifer,

Welcome to the forum and the wonderful and wacky world of HOM parenting. Please fasten your seat belt securely, you are in for the ride of a lifetime.

I got that off my chest. Advise. Communicate with your DW all the time, you two are going to need each other more than ever now. Next, don't feel ashamed for help. Friends, family, church etc. It's six months since the kids are born and we still get on average two dinners cooked for us a week. Either by friends, our people in our church. Third read the TC forum. The main board is informative despite the occasional blow ups. Or ask here.

Looking forward to knowing you better.

Hey Pal:
Welcome aboard.

I can answer your questions but your situation will differ from everyone elses... we failed to accept some of the help that was offered to us, in trying to maintain a low profile... as a result, we have been making it on our own. My wife returned to work in 8 weeks, we have been paying people to show up and serve as nanny/babysitter... she was in the hospital from 2 days before Thanksgiving, babies born 2 days after Christmas... hospital holidays were not the best. The hospital provides some 'stuff' for long term stay patients, look into it. The one here had hundreds of movies donated, they had a lap top program, and special meals for the long term patients.

Money: what is money anyway except paperwork? We will just keep refinancing our house until they take it from us or the monthly payment is cheap enough... again dont be ashamed to accept support. We had some cooked meals early on. Nights were tough, going the first 10 weeks or so on 1-5 hours of sleep... needed to keep the job or we would have had money problems. I lost weight the weeks we did not get meals brought, and gained it back the weeks that our neighbors helped out... without those meals, perhaps we would have burned the house down. Seriously, we didnt sleep much. The sitter would leave when one of us came home...

We almost made it to 6 months, every last little bit of grief has passed, the human spirit is strong, and the body can accomplish more than you think. I wish I took better written notes, there were some great stories that might not make it to the kids adulthood.

I bet you notice that the guys here, myself included, have strong faith and belief in God. He brought this situation to us, He brought us together, and He will amaze us with what we can now accomplish.

Congrats again and best wishes!!!



Paul
Ashlyn, Alexander, Abigail
12-27-02, 34w4d

Paul
Ashlyn, Alexander, Abigail
12-27-02, 34w4d

Welcome Keifer,

I can't really say much that the others have not said already. It is a wild ride you are now taking. But as with most wild rides, it is quite a thrill. As a father, the Father Forum is a great earboard, stress reliever, and escape. I post on many of the other forums, but you will probably get the most out of the FF since you are a father. The main forum is great for advice that the mothers would be better well suited to answer and you will get a lot more responses there. However, don't take things too personally if you are "questioned" over there. There seems to be a lot of that going on lately. Don't let anything that anyone says offend you and make you want to leave.

Tripdaddy
Father of Sam, Rob, & Trey

Thank you for the welcome. We are in over our heads. I have never held a baby in my arms and now we are going to have TRIPLETS. We say the word over and over to see if it goes away. It doesn't.
We have a strong faith in the Lord. That's what got us this far.
You probably hear this a lot, but how do you do it? Gennea got an email from someone here. It was nice enough, but she cried with details of sleepless nights and gallons of forumla. I feel helpless for her in the hospital and her crying all the time. How can I deal with this and babies? None of our circle knows what it's like so they say glad its you and not me.
I can only check internet on my lunch hour. Maybe I will check in tomorrow.

-Kiefer

Kiefer,

God knows what He is up to buddy and He chose you for a reason! As for how we do it - we don't know how we do it we just do it! Specific advice I can offer immediately includes:

=> You are beiginning to realize that there are a bunch of 'naysayers' who will continually put themselves (sometimes forcefully) into your path. You do face a tough challenge. There is no other way to slice it. The road will be hard but the reward at the end of it is great. The babies are a blessing but many people can't (won't) see it that way. Consequently they will give you horrible advice or load you down with scary stories or tales of great trial. In the final analysis all you can do is walk by faith and let God handle the details. You will get through this (sometimes it will seem like you won't) like the rest of us did, one day at a time.

=> Educate yourself thoroughly on the possibilities and probabilities of HOM pregnancy. It is best to be informed and to have thought rationally about various courses of action in case you are faced with a crisis decision. I say this not to scare you but to prepare you. HOM pregnancies are high risk and there are a number of things that might (OR MIGHT NOT) go wrong and a number of options for you if they do. You are best off if you understand these things in advance and understand the probabilities associated with them. Eductation is they key to overcoming the bad advice you can get from the 'naysayers', well meaning friends, and others. The folks here are a good resource. I have listed sevberal links on our web page which is linked under my signature below.

=> Work hard to keep your wife's spirits up. She will probably begin to feel 'useless', helpless, scared, and bored all mixed together. She is doing important work and needs to hear you say that she is doing important work. Try to enlist a group of friends to visit with her and keep her talking. Planning a baby shower with the help of a friend is a good distraction for her right now...

=> Develop a network of people to help you once the babies are born. Get friends, family, church members, collegues, etc. to take specific time slots to come over and help (clean, cook, do laundry, shop, babysit, etc.). Learn now to accept any help that is offered (this was especially humbling for us). If someone asks, "What can I do to help?", immediately give them a specific task. You can't imagine right now how valuable three hours of sleep will be (especially for your wife). Ensliting help now will ensure that she can take a nap every now and again.

=> Begin laying in disposable baby supplies (diapers, wipes, powder, receiving blankets, etc.) Check with the moms on the main board for estimated quantities of each. Buy a few things each week and store them (we had (still have) packs of diapers and wipes stashed all around the house). Get someone at work or church (or both) to sponsor a baby supplies drive for you. The more you can lay in now, the less expense you will have later.

=> If you know an experienced garage (yard) sale fanatic, give them $50 - $100 and turn them loose with a list baby gear you need (onsies, diaper bags, swings, receiving blankets, clothes, furniture, etc. - get an itemized list from the moms on the main board).

=> I strongly urge you to consider breast feeding the babies. Breast milk is far superior to even the most expensive formula. Breast fed babies are generally healthier and develop more rapidly than those fed formula. Many medical professionals advise that breastfeeding triplets cannot be done but it CAN. My wife (and many others here) has exclusively breastfed our babies since birth. Consequently we have not spent a dime on formula. By some people's reckoning this saved us around $300 per month. My wife's breast feeding story is also linked from the site below.

I remember the feeling of helplessness. The most important things for you to do are to educate yourself and work to stabilize your wife's mood and outlook. The rest will fall into place (especially if you ask for help). Please contact me or Kari (my wife) if you want to get more input. We can be reached via e-mail at jnkspencer@charter.net

Regards,

John

http://webpages.charter.net/jnkspencer/index.htm

John,

This is a great and informative post. Would you please keep it handy for future reference, for both the guys and gals?

Thanks,Peanut

busy MOMmy to:
Michael-almost 7
Francesca-almost 6
Matthew, Lollipop & Gabi-Grace--almost 4

Tracey
Michael, Soccer Dude (12)
Francesca, Classical Guitarist (11)
Matthew, Slide Tackle Soccer Dude (10)
Alexis, Cheer Chick (10)
Gabrielle, Sassy Gymnast (10)

Host mom to exchange students:
Johannes, Germany (18)
Torunn, Norway (21)

Welcome and congrats. I can relate to how overwhelming it all seems at this point, but you can do it. Before having my trio, I had never fed or changed a baby. The thought of bathing a baby scared the crap out of me. I had no idea what to do.

I went to a Boot Camp for new dad's at our local hospital, it was one of the best things I did to prepare for babies. The "drool seargent" related alot of his own experiences to the group of fathers and then we got to learn how to hold, pick up, swaddle, and change babies (former participants brought in their babis for teaching). Check in your area to see if anything is offered. It was a well spent 4 hours.

Check out WIC programs in your area. I make a decent check each week, but with a total of 7 people in the house we still qualified Even if you are over the "limit" check it out (we technically exceed the limit but still are receiving). They are extremely flexible. They supplied 93 cans of formula each month (over $300 at local grocery store) and now supply eggs, cheese, milk, cereal, beans, and peanut butter.

Some people have faired very well with AFLAC. Depends on your state, I have no experience here.

Also, at the hospital where your wife will deliver, check out their guidlines for free medical care, your co-pay portion of the delivery and hospital stay may be waived. Again, very liberal limits based on location.

On a lighter side look at the aspects singleton parents will never experience:
* group discounts at hotels and theme parks and babies-r-us
* being able to know exactly how much formula it takes to make 24 bottles at once.
* learning how to pickup and carry three babies at once while opening the front door and three gates and not fropping your iced coffee.
* being able to occupy an entire pew in church
* getting your money's worth at a potluck dinner
* driving up the driveway at night and seeing three beautiful faces in the front window all yelling "DAAA"

Jonathan
Dad to Al 18), Dan(16)
and Aidan, Zachary, and Jillian (9-01)

Jonathan
Dad to Ally(25), Dan(23),
and Aidan, Zachary, and Jillian (8)

Keifer,

Don't let the talk of how hard it is scare you. I looked at it like this: I (like you) never had kids or dealt with babies before my triplets. It is ALL relative. You will not know that it is harder than taking care of one baby, b/c you have never experienced that. ALL parents talk about how hard it is, not matter how many they have at once. But it is all relative. At the moment you think it is hard, think about the people with quads...that is what we did. It is hard work, but it is so rewarding. There is nothing like the feeling of having so much love. Plus, you will be known by all. People in my neighborhood know me b/c they have seen me with my kids out walking. You will be famous! That is good and bad, but it feels good.

Tripdaddy
Father of Sam, Rob, & Trey