I'm asking for help from men and women. I'm posting this in both forums because I really need help/advice from both sides. Have any of you had major marriage problems since the triplets came?

I hope none of you guys get mad, but I really need a man's prespective. I don't have ANY male friends and it would mean a lot to me if you read this e-mail and gave me some advice.

I'm a stay at home mom, but I work on the weekends. I'm a waitress Anyway, I'm responsible for buying diapers, formula, baby food and groceries for the entire family with the money I make on the weekends. My friends from chuch bring tons of diapers and formula so luckily I have some help. I work double shifts on some weekends to make enough money to buy everything I have to buy. If I don't make enough money my dh would rather me not spend the money "HE" makes, even though he can spend money on whatever he wants.

I feel like my husband thinks it's no big deal. Yes, he watches the kids (all 5) when I'm at work but here's the deal:

1) He never goes to any doctor appointment with me. Yesterday I juggled all three on my lap while the doctor plucked each one (one by one) to examine them saying no one else does this alone...dh know I can't find help (I get someone to watch my 3 year old, but can never find another person to actually go to the doctor's office with me)

2) He pays all of his bills, but hasn't paid my student loans in 10 months, pays my car payment late every month...(I got a deferrement on my student loan, so it's no longer an issue) He also said his credit card bills were more important than all of our other bills and our utilities were going to be turned off because he hasn't paid them in 2 months (even though he's had money to spend on other things). I wrote checks for them and now am working to try to make the money so they won't bounce and have to make enough money for groceries too. (DH has enough money to go out to lunch at work, buy cookies, gum whatever he wants throughout the week...)

3) I have one child from another marriage and I deposit all of my child support checks into our "joint account", so basically it's going towards "HIS" bills....he is great with Jake, and buys him stuff, but Jake doesn't have a college fund yet and it seems like most of the money is going towards dh, not Jake.

4) Last time DH was out of town he called me on the day he was supposed to fly back and told me there was a mix-up with his flight. He said he'd call me back to tell me if he'd be able to make it back home or not. He never called me back. I tried calling his cell phone and he never picked up. The next day he came home after 5pm, and said his cell phone wasn't charged, but he could have called from a room phone,right? He's called me collect so he could have done that again, right? I looked in his wallet (because I felt he wasn't being honest with me) and found a room service bill for a bottle of bacardi and a couple of drinks (2). I confronted him and he said he bought the bottle for a male coworker who drinks and if dh bought it the company would pay for it bcz' he's higher up. I thought it was a wierd excuse considering it was bought the night he never called me.

5) DH didn't get me anything for my birthday, not even a card. I didn't even get to sleep late. I did get a card for mother's day, but felt it was very insincere. He wasn't really even that nice to me on mother's day.

6) DH never compliments me. I lost all of my weight within a month of having the triplets and am in a size 2 again. He refers to my butt as a dump truck. He on the other hand has gained a ton of weight since our marriage (went from 175 to 225 in 3 years) and I could care less.

7) After he didn't get me anything for my birthday (and no one else did either...I recieved $200 from family and put it in our joint account)...He spent $200 on himself getting work clothes and tried to hide it from me. He walked into the house with just an under shirt on and when I asked where his shirt was he said it was in the car...To make a long story short he was hiding clothes he bought from himself and spent all of the money we had in our checking account on himself.

8) I confronted him and asked him if he was having an affair and he said no, but was an ass about it. He didn't appologize for any of the actions, just sat there like an ass. He told me I'm snoopy, but I said if there's a trail of LIES I'd be stupid NOT to follow it.

Then yesterday he locked his keys in the car so I had to go drive to the train station to give him a new set. After driving home (he got home before me) there was 6 roses sitting on the counter (totally wilted and near death). He didn't give them to me in any nice way, they were just set on the counter. I felt like maybe he had bought them for someone else (that maybe was supposed to be at the train station in the morning) because he said he bought them in the morning before he went to work.

Why would he buy me flowers before he went to work? - He has never done that before...and he's such an ass to me I know he didn't want to buy me flowers...if he did he'd give them to me in a nice way, not leave them on the counter. Plus if the flowers were meant for me wouldn't he buy them on his way home from work?

Please help and give me advice. I'm sorry to bring this here but It's easier to talk to people like this because I'm kind of ashamed that all of these problems are happening and I won't have to look at any of you or bump into any of you and have you know what' really going in my house.

Amy in Plano TX