All of my kids do well in school. They are all on the A/E honor roll. However, one son is an over achiever and way ahead of his brother and sister. He has been identified through testing as being gifted. Although my kids are only in 1st grade I can already see the confidence of my smart sweet funny son being shaken since he feels less smart than his brother. Interestingly enough, my over achiever is about 3-4 inches shorter and 20 lbs lighter than his brother.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this. We are trying not to discuss school performance or review work in front of all the kids. My primary concern is that academic differences not have a negative impact on my one son. My daugther seems oblivous to all of this.

Thanks,

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

Hi, Lisa. Dealing with the academic world with triplets brings along a whole host of unique issues.

I'm amazed that your school does honor roll for 1st graders. In our school, it doesn't begin until 4th grade. I personally hate it. The public assembly, while great for those kids that make honor roll, can be especially disheartening to those that work very hard but don't make it.

As for the impact of an overachiever, I don't have wonderful advice. We've dealt with it and it's difficult. No perfect answer. I have one boy who finds academics come very easily to him. One who is very smart but doesn't always apply himself. And a third who has a vision issue so academics are more difficult. He's the hardest worker of the three but doesn't always have the best grades.

When they were younger, we had them in separate classes. We've always talked about doing your best. No comparisons to each other. We never show our boys their yearly STAR (Standardized) test scores. Too much comparison and pressure.

I would try emphasizing individual strengths. Example, Aidan is such a great runner and Christian does a great job clearing the dinner dishes. Rachel is a whiz at jumping rope. Let them know everyone is different. It's a mantra in our home.

Areyour kids in separate classes? That would be a suggestion so they don't have daily comparison on every little assignment.

Sharon
12 year old b/b/b + 15 year old son

Sharon,

Thanks for your reply. The boys are, unfortunately, in the same class this year. We had some mix-ups with teacher assignments, and the result is that they were put together. I don't think at the beginning of the year we truly knew the depth of the differences. We have always worked hard to treat the kids as individuals, and I guess we are going to have to try even harder.

So often people tell me they think it would be easier at this age to have kids all the same age. I agree that everyone going basically the same places is easier, but there is no way that a parent of three singeltons can fully understand the complexities of complicated social and academic issues. Heck, my kids are only in first grade so I can't imagine how much more complicated all of this will get as they age!

Thanks again,

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

We are in the same situation as Sharon...except for one with hearing processing problems instead of vision.

We just congratulate each on their strengths and discourage negative comments between the brothers about any perceived weaknesses.

The one thing I have read and makes good sense to me, is to never say anything like "Why can't you do as good as (insert sibling's name)?"
That is difficult for both the child one is talking to and the child being held up as a good example. But it is tempting sometimes!

But I think honest praise will counter any negative impact that might occur due to the natural differences between the kids.

Vaughn

Hi Lisa

We have similar issues - in K they were all together and one was "teachers pet", one did well with no major effort/problems and one struggled. In first grade he was in his own class which was a developmental first grade (only 2 sections of each grade). They were not aware of the difference in the classes but he was and still is very aware of how his brothers excel esp in reading. Being in that class was the best thing for him - he was able to be himself, work hard and receive lots of praise without any comparison to his brothers. he had his "own" place etc. Since then we have had them alternate who is alone, but I think that year truly changed the way Casey viewed himself as a student. By the end of K he was not trying and very quiet, by the end of first thru today (3rd), he is focused, hard worker and enthusiastic. This year his brothers were chosen for "gifted and talented"(we hate that name and all the boys say it is not a good name as we are all gifted and talented!) program and he continues to get extra help with reading. He looks at it as ok b/c it is the one day he comes home alone and has time here before they get home!

Sorry for rambling - I am not good at being consise! Obviously all the non-comparison stuff, but any way you can get him his own thing - help him build his identity and strengths so he is proud of himself.

It is hard and I worry about when sports become an issue! Siblings always compare themselves, but being the same age makes it such a challenge!

Good luck

Suzanne
BBB 4/00

We had a similar experience. Our oldest excelled in academics and was always in the gifted programs. Our triplets, One very gifted, one very gifted but unnoticed for his abilities and one who just wanted to be average. We had to fight to get the one included in the gifted programs. Once they put him in the programs they were amazed at his abilities. The third just seemed happy to not have to do all the extra work from those programs.

We always reminded the boys that they were all individual people and that their lives would take them in different directions and offer them different things. They seemed to get that and they all supported one another in what they did.

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!