Hey folks, been a long time, but I'm hoping my helpful friends at TC can lend me a hand.

A bit of history. I am a loner. Always have been always will be. I have never really needed a bunch of friends, and I like to do things by myself and without interference from others. I'm not against group activities, I enjoy parties, TC chat fests from the old days, the occasional TC gang war. <snicker snicker>

My daughter on the other hand is as social as they come. She craves, NEEDS interaction with other people to exist. I swear she'd shrivel up and die if she had to entertain herself.

My daughter is not stupid, she gets excellent grades in school, but does have a learning disability that interferes with the way she processes information. Consequently she often interrupts conversations (even when they are not with her)with questions that would make you think she was mentally deficient. She will hear something, but not really process what was said. This is very very aggravating and I find myself losing my patience over the constant questioning of everything.

I try very hard not to hurt her feelings, but I'm finding it harder and harder. Some of it is because I am physically and mentally done in when I come home from work and just want some peace and quiet. (I run a deli for Food Lion)

I am finding it near impossible to deal with the constant can Lexie come over? Can you take me to Hannah's? can Haliegh come over? can I go to Elana's? This is every single DAY. Part of the problem is the kids that live within walking distance end up being the visitors, even if I say "you can go to Lexie's" she will walk over and BRING HER BACK. For the ones that live far away I end up providing transportion. And I cannot get Kate to understand that I dont FEEL LIKE driving her to her friends or upping the number of kids in my house while two families with only children get to be childfree while their girls are at my house running and slamming doors and squealing in annoying little girl high pitch voices (like fingernails on a chalkboard)

I let her sign up for Girl Scouts thinking one night a week and a few special events with a gaggle of other squealing female mini's would help her voracious appetite to constantly have a companion, but that didn't work either, now she just has MORE FRIENDS that she wants to visit / or have visit.

I cannot get her to understand that she cannot call me a hundred times at work. I've threatened, I've grounded, I've had the "only call if its an emergency" talk a thousand times. Doesn't compute.

I've had to ground her because I will let her have a friend come over to visit with a pre-warning that she CANNOT ASK THAT CHILD TO SPEND THE NIGHT because I have to work at 7 am in the morning and her father is out of town, and she'd better not ask with the kid standing right there. Doesn't compute. She will argue with me for hours about how they will go to bed early, they'll sleep in, etc etc.

She's been handed every form of punishment I can think of for these problems and she continues to do them.



HELP ME BEFORE I HAVE TO SHIP HER OFF TO LIVE WITH ONE OF YOU!!!!! LOL.

MTM - mom to Michael(84),Stephan(85), Thomas, Matthew and Kathryn - born 12/27/99 at 32w 0 days

Oh my gosh MTM.. you just described my Natalie to a "T". It sounds like your daughter is older, but I am having the same issues with my daughter, and was coming here to vent about it tonight. I posted a lot on here when the kids were young, but have lost touch as I moved around and joined clubs, put the kids in activities, etc. I'm also working full time now to support my trio by myself.

Natalie needs to be talking ALL THE TIME! it's like she has no off button. She makes visual observations about everything when it has nothing to do with our current conversation. It's almost like it's impossible for her not to be talking. I told her I would "hate to be her date at the drive-in!" lol She probably doesn't even know what that means yet. She's only 9-years-old but I've got her in counselling after school once a week for her inability to handle conflict and quick escalation of anger. It's almost like she becomes another person when she is angry. It's quite frightening. She has horrible sleep walking fits too, where I'm afraid for her safety. She tries feverishly to get out the front door in a fit of rage all the while she is in a deep sleep. Thankfully, my father suggested putting dead bolts and chains on the door up high so she can't get out.

She also is very outgoing, like you mentioned about your daughter. She is awkwardly hugging new acquaintences, and not everyone likes it. I'm convinced even though I have drilled the "no talking to straners or going off with strangers" thing into her head, she would go off with a stranger without batting an eyelash. She get's excellent grades in school and loves math to the point where she makes her own homework for math, and digs up old workbooks and does them in her bed at night before bed...such the opposite of me! I never liked math - I need a calculator at restaurants to figure out my totals after the tip.

Anyways.. I seem to have gone on and on and on. Natalie and your daughter seem to have a lot in common, and I'd be anxious to hear any of the other parent's replies, to see if they have dealt with this.

Oh.. another thing... Natalie is VERY VERY VERY competitive! She needs to be first in line, needs to win every game, or she has a meltdown, all food items and drinks need to be perfectly equal or she feels sighted and has another meltdown. It's very difficult to deal with this on a day to day basis. I think the counselling is helping some, but I think her unique personality will pose social probems going forward. Especially the redundant modes of questioning, and the blatantly obvious answers that she still feels she needs to question; like "oh, your hair is brown, how long has your hair been brown mommy?".. seriously.. she knows it's always been brown, but these types of questions come all the time. I feel your pain!

Any thoughts!?

Thanks so much!


~Heather~
Single Mom to Triplets,
Shawn, Travis & Natalie (12/00)
"Where does the time go?"

((HUGS)) You certainly have your hands full right now with your little girl. You've mentioned a lot of issues and I don't answers for all of them.

For the non-stop playdates, say, "NO!" When my boys were little, we had a rule. It's actually one I still do today. No playdates during the the week. We have friends over on Fridays only. It's a no-homework day. During the week, it's homework and activities time. You have a big family, too. Who has time to have friends over during the week. Between cooking dinner, running kids to activities, and helping with homework, there's no time for another kid around here. The rule is for all my boys.

Totally get the "peace and quiet" need. I have one boy who is extremely outgoing. Would love to be with his friends all the time. I just say, "Family time." End of conversation. He has plenty of time with his friends, team sports, schools, socials, activities.

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here but I'm wondering if her learning disorder might be affecting her other areas of life. Not listening, still calling you at work, not listening to all of your instructions (play at Elena's, not here). Is there a school counselor you can talk to for input? Perhaps your daughter could benefit from some intensive counselings to learning coping techniques and learning tips.

How are your boys dealing with her issues?

Sharon
13 year old b/b/b + 17 year old son

My kids are all very social and we rarely have a day without one, two, three or more friends at our house. That is OK with me.

On the other hand, my son definately craves more "friend time" than my girls. I always put it up to being the only boy (besides my husband) in the house. The gilrs have built in playmates but he NEEDS someone to throw the ball with, talk girls with, watch sports with etc.

I have 2 suggestions.

Stay strong. You have been through raising pre-teens and teens before so you know how they wear you down. I think her behavior is pretty typical pre/teen. They wear us down until we give in just to have some peace. If you have said NO to an activitiy, you need to stick to it. Every time you give in, it gives her strength for the next time. Even a friend of mine with 6 of her own kids says if my son doesn't become an attorney, talent will be wasted. He argues alot, and unfortunately, does it really well. Even if all of his "reasons" are sound, I have to stay strong to my convictions or I will never rein him in.

Make cards for her to pick activities. She has to turn in a card to you to ask for the activity.
"A friend may walk over"
"Mom or Dad will pick up a friend to come over to play"
"I can walk to a friend's house to play"
"Mom or Dad will drive me to a friend's house to play"
Tell her to remember when the cards run out, the visits are over. You may decide to make them simpler- 2 I will drive you and 2 you may walk or even simpler 4 cards for time with friends. Whatever you can stand or accommadate. Each time she uses a card, remind her that when they run out, the visits are over. Try to avoid all the cards used in the first 4 days. It may be hard at first.

Good Luck There is a reason most of us go gray right around the age our kids become teens.



Judie and Victor
lucky parents to
Frankie 3/95
Maggie 7/96
Rose 7/96
Elizabeth 7/96

Sounds like she needs some pretty solid guidelines to follow.

No sleepovers during the week.

Friends over after school only once a week.

She can go to a friends after school once a week.

You can even limit those activities to certain days of the week.

The other thing you have to realize, is that you cannot always say NO.

So many times I would tell the kids to give me a little time to think about their request. Once I thought about it, I realized that the only reason I would say NO, was because I just didn't want to deal with it. But that is not fair either. So after I had time to think about it, I would usually say yes and realize that I just had to suck it up!!!

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

Don't ship her off to live with me, I've one of my very own who is exactly the same! I don't have any kids here during the week though, and I'll stick to that rule exactly. I do wonder how much of it is an age thing, because she's only 9 months younger than Ellie, who's been like this for quite a while. Ellie also has problems processing information. One big thing though - just refuse to argue with her and walk away. I'm also not bothered about saying no in front of her friends. We just have social animals who will have a fantastic bunch of friends when they get older. Agree with Kathy really that some of it we have to just get on with it.

Wine helps.

Bernie xxx

UK mum to Aaron 18, and Jasper, Eleanor & Nathaniel 11 born 17/3/99 33wks2days

Attachment #1, (jpg file)

Nice to see you back, Bernie!

Sharon
13 year old b/b/b + 17 year old son

Nice to be back.

UK mum to Aaron 18, and Jasper, Eleanor & Nathaniel 11 born 17/3/99 33wks2days

Hi Ruth,

I agree with the others that much of it is typical pre-teen/tween stuff. My dds have taken turns saying and doing many of the things you mentioned. However, the difference is that my girls have each other to socialize with; your dd only has you. That's why she calls you a hundred times, lol.

It can be tough being the only girl among boys (or vice versa). I have a friend with triplet boys and an older singelton dd. She used to say how her dd was difficult to deal with sometimes because the boys always had each other and her dd was by herself. My friend did many of the same things you did: had girlfriends come over, sleepovers.

I agree with what everyone else said. You need to set limits to the sleepovers, phone calls, etc. I do sympathize with your dd, though. . . and with you!

GL!!! -- Gloria

(((Ruth))),

SUch is life with a gregarious, social butterfly. I could've posted this for two of my kiddos. One, fortunately, can read my mood and accepts 'no', while the other has to have a friend EVERY SINGLE DAY. He usually has 2 friends daily to hang out with, and more on the weekend. It's completely exhausting. I do kick kids out often. Tell them we have an open door policy, until I'm tired of having kids over. It's always at our house. Always, despite trying to kick them out onto the streets.

Set guidelines. Write them out and have DD copy them in her own handwriting. Whatever is acceptable to you will eventually become clear to her. If you capitulate often, she'll take advantage of the exhausted mom syndrome, and jump all over the opportunity. (Matt is a force to be reckoned with, but I tell him if he crosses me one more time it will be a week before he sees the light of day--or the PS3. And then am forced to follow through with the punishment. ugh)

Good luck!
Tracey

Tracey, busy mom to:
Michael (16)
Francesca (15)
Matt, Lexi, Gabi (13)
AFS exchange student Alice (17)