We have five-year-old bbg who are very loving, healthy and well behaved children. Two of the three seem to cope amazingly well with things. They are all in Kindergarten and no problems here either. One of the boys, however, has some behavior that is starting to worry us. He is smart, loving, cuddly and does well at home and at school. He also has a very "I can do it" approach to things. He seems to have an inability to deal with his anger though. If he gets disciplined (which in our case, means he loses something like computer time), he comes unglued. He says things like, "you're mean," "I don't love you," "I hate you," and "I would rather be dead." Last night, he said he didn't want to have us as his parents anymore. He doesn't throw anything or vent in that way; he's just gets very verbally upset. After about 10 minutes, he calms down, apologizes and moves on. But, he does seem to remember these events as the next time he gets angry, he'll bring them up again. The talk about death may be related to losing his grandmother four months ago. He has a limited understanding of what happened, but does know that she died. Sometimes, I wonder if his behavior is a combination of anger, manipulation and a desparate need for attention. Can anyone shed some light on what might be going on? And, he only does this at home.
Thanks for your help.
Monika
Mom to Max, Ben, Ana 8/13/98

Monika, He may be grieving for Grandma and this is his way of expressing it. If he only does it at home,then he seems to have some control of the anger and he's venting where he feels safe. Maybe you need to sit down with him again and directly ask him what's bothering him. He may not know himself but try bringing up the topic of Grandma and see where it goes. YOu can say,"I understand you may still be hurting over losing Grandma and it's hard to understand it all. We all miss her very much and it's ok to feel sad." Then perhaps suggest other ways for him to express his grief rather than saying hurtful things to you. Perhaps he can write/dictate a story about Grandma or write her a letter,poem etc. (I had a 5 yr old boy in one of my pre-k classes write a song about love that his family read at his grandma's funeral.)Maybe he can go kick a ball or hit a pillow to feel better when he feels that anger coming on. Or paint a picture or dance around or something. Whatever he likes to do. Let him do some of the brainstorming. Hope this helps.

Korrie~
^i^B/G/G 24 w 3d,1/17/00
B 10/31/01
B 1/27/03

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We have a 7 year old with an anger mgt problem too. We are trying to figure out the best method to deal with it. Our son does get physical though unfortunately. He punched another child in basketball practice a couple of weeks ago because the other boy cut in front of him in the drill line. He yells at home and mildly hurts the triplets too. He has gotten two discipline notices from the bus driver this year. His teacher (1st grade) said she is not noticing it in the classroom. His problem there is not waiting his turn to shout out answers. He gets upset if frustrated about something. It sounds like you are only dealing with this at home, so that's good for you. How does he act with his siblings? Is his anger directed mostly at you, the parents? I guess sitting these boys down and trying to get what's bothering them out, is about all either of us can do. I know I'm not much help, but wanted you to know, you're not alone. If you find some great solution, please pass it on!

Trip33
Jared 10/96
Emily, Allison & Nathan 3/00 at 37 wks