OK when the kids were born he didn't really jump in as much as I'd hopped but in his defense I am a control freak. But my kids are now 8 and three and half and I just dont get why he thinks we have a bad sex life. Again, in his defense he's not asking for much just once a week but I have to say there are a lot of times I am just to tired and I dont want any one else to want anything from me. The kids are so needy right now. The trio are in the bad 3's and the fighting is at an all time high. When I sit for the first time at night I dont want to be felt up, is that to much to ask?????
My husband works a lot of hours so monday-friday it's just me. He gets home after they are all fed, bathed and in bed almost every night. He really doesn't understand how tiring this really is. When I try to tell him he says I got what I wanted. (I always wanted to raise my kids and now am fortunate enough to do so) But as I said in a previous post this is by far the hardest job I've ever had.

Do you guys ever feel like your just on different pages??? I honestly think he needs 1 week home alone with four kids then I'll see if he's ready for some Barry White and candles. I doubt it.

Sorry for the vent... just aggravated tonight.

Traci
Proud mom to
Zoe 4/15/98
Zack, Cleo and Ty 8/13/02

Hi Traci,
First of all I'm definitly not saying your wrong, and I'm not trying to make this a pity party for me at all, but without giving to much info, when my kids were small I always seemed to tired for much of anything but going to sleep at the end of the day. My husband used to be pretty attentive to me. (And I'm not saying he's rightcause he's not) but between having triplets and a singleton 15 months after and finding out that 2 of our kids were autistic, and me trying to be this great Mommy, I seemed to forget that we needed time to nurture our relationship. He started goiing out after work and drinking at not the best places, and this has continued even though I've tried everything in my power to make things the way they used to be between us. Anyway, what I'm trying to say to you is, I don't blame you for being tired, but make sure that you make time for the 2 of you. My husband and I had just about the most perfect relationship you could ask for, so if this can happen to us, it can happen to anyone. Please justtake this as someone who's been there and wished she had done things differently.

Julie

Thanks so much for your response. I totally hear what your saying. I guess I think I do all the cooking cleaning washing drying etc. and that is taking care of my husband but your email has made me think that making his dinner isn't exactly an intimate moment. We have a good relationship for the most part I guess I am just feeling bad for myself and unappreciated right now.
OK, I am going to make an attempt to relax and enjoy my husbands company tonight... I dont want to have any regrets down the road.

Traci - I'm the parent who works outside the house and I've always considered DPs job as the SAHM more difficult and demanding than mine. And I've always come home to help out as much as I could. Weekends, I try to give her a break.

sorry that dh doesn't get it. It sounds as though you need to leave him alone for a weekend but then again, it's the daily grind that really gets to you, no?

RoseMarie
mom to the Hooligans 12/21/98

Some of the guys normally don't get it. There is a few exceptional ones (I did not get one of those). I has taken a long time (bout 13 years) to realize that running after all this kids is harder than hard labor. Even though sometimes I feel underappreciated and right down want to send him to sensitive man school(if there is one) I always appreciate that he is there when I need him. This after he spent a whole week with the four of them.
I think my husband never understood that six little arms and hands will be on you the whole day, until it happened to him, then he realized why sometimes I did not want to be touched. It will get better and then hopefully he will have to beg off!!!!!

Well, I have got any for a long time and I am the stay-at-home parent....

Vaughn and the ABC Boys
Alex, Bryce, & Calder
3-31-97 @ 28.5 weeks

Ahhh...if only it was that easy to lose that extra hind-weight!

Vaughn and the ABC Boys
Alex, Bryce, & Calder
3-31-97 @ 28.5 weeks

Or in my case -- it would be great to be able to laugh some of my belly off....


Vaughn and the ABC Boys
Alex, Bryce, & Calder
3-31-97 @ 28.5 weeks

It's not the looks...... it's probably lack of energy! I know that is what happened to me. I had to work hard at getting back at it.

Sometimes my husband and I will go through a spell where we are on different pages...heck books. A few months ago my husband wanted to start going out another night (we agreed we each get a night of guilt free time off). I struggled and struggled and finally (had to have been a God thing) I had an idea to chart out my hours with the kids vs his time with the kids and on another chart I showed the hours I was away from the kids and his hours away from the kids. Talk about an eye opener. He saw something concret what my week was like and what sort of breaks of got or lack there of. To say the least we have agreed while our kids are in this hectic stage of 3 he would limit his time away from the home and his breaks would occur around the house. I also saw where my time was and that in order for me to spend time with my husband I needed to give up some of my activities.

I believe that fathers need to have a role in their kids lives, my main arguement is "I didn't bring them into this world alone and I don't want to raise them alone". My husband has always done something since they were born. I learned from other Moms if I didn't let him help he would be too scared to do it later...does that make sense? Start off small and work your way up. Everyone is different do what works best for your family. It's better to talk about what you have in mind so you both get a say and feel like it was a family choice not a burnt out Mommy thing he will only later resent.

Most IMPORTANT is make time for each other. I was at a conference last weekend and the speaker said something that stuck with me and that was your sex life is a barameter for your marriage. Oey. She said to save something of yourself for your husband at the end of the day. Bigger oey. Maybe getting the kids to bed early and/or having date night at your home (not in front of the tv). If you can afford a sitter do that and get out of the house. It is life changing. You need to be on the same team with your spouse it will help keep your energy level up. I do not have this all figured out yet in my own marriage but when we are doing things right I feel different inside and it helps me make it through the day.

What you feel is normal just don't stay in the rut you are in. (((hug)))




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I believe in miracles - I have three that live in my home. g/g/g- June 2002
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