Hi,

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first babies and am really concerned about the bonding thing. The main driver for my concern is that I will have family (my mother in law and my mother) alternately helping me when the triplets arrive. And already I am feeling a little over protective... I don't know if that is the right way to describe it, maybe it should be overwhelmed by the prospect of not being able to solely (well with my husband!) take care of my babies. I guess I feel a little threatened that by having my family present all the time I will not get the opportunity to bond with my little ones or to just be alone with them and enjoy being a first time mum. Has anyone else felt this?
Sorry for rambling on!
Georgie.

Hi, I too am finding myself feeling this way. My boys arrived 2 weeks ago and so far I have not allowed others to hold them-aside from the nurses in the NICU and my husband and I. I have grandparents that are really getting impatient as you can probably imagine but I just feel like we (dh and I) need to bond as much as possible with them right now and I feel there will be planty of catch up time for grandparents and others later. My mom is staying with us and will be helping with the babies when they come home and its gonna be rough trying to keep her away lol...I have simply told others that once the babies have started breastfeeding they can start holding them ... but for right now we want it to be just us since we dont get too much time with them now. Hopefully you will get your bonding time in before the grandmas get in there.

Mandi~Proud wife to Clyde
SAHM to Kierra(11)&Alexzander(20 months)
BBB Triplets Born 1/28/09 @ 34.3 weeks
~Welcome to the world~
Nicholas 4pounds3oz
Nathan 4pounds7oz
Noah 4pounds9oz
http://themeadtripletsplustwo.blogspot.com/

Sorry I am posting on the Infant page but I wanted to help...
I understand those feelings. In the NICU i would get so upset if Grandparents were holding one of my babies without my permission. So i made sure the nuses put a note on the babies file saying no one (outside nurses, Dr, Mommy and Daddy)are allowed to hold the babies without permission.

The first few days we had the babies home I requested for family and friends to stay away just so we could have one on one bonding time with the babies. When we made the request I made a point to let everyone know that I wanted them there but since the babies had been in the NICU we had never had alone time with our babies. Everyone was very understanding. Really at first when you bring the babies home they will sleep most of the time so I needed very little help.

Good Luck and I hope this helps

Tanna

06/22/07 29 weeks 4 days
Lincoln 2 lbs 13 oz
Colton 2 lbs 14.4 oz
Dakota 2 lbs 11oz
http://tannastriplets.blogspot.com/

I think most of us go thru this. I was such a controling B when my 3 first came home from the hospital. Everything my mom and grandma tried to do for me or the babies was not right. I didn't want anyone the take care of them but me and I wanted to do EVERYTHING for them so that I knew it was done right. Once they were gone (about 7 wks) it was such a relief to me and we have been doing by ourselves ever since. That wears off though and now I am not that way at all and have appologized for my behavior and chalked it up to hormones. Actually now it would be a relief to have the help. I do wish I would have spent more "cuddle time" with the babies because at about 5 months they start pushing away from you when you hold them they want to see everything thats going on around them.

Reta

Kipras, Kajus, Rokas born 7/4/ 2008

So totally normal; I was a complete mama bear with my babies. In fact, we didn't have anyone over for quite a while once they left the NICU and it was perfect for us. I'm so thankful I had that time with the boys and my husband. I don't care about people holding and doing things for them now, but I still much prefer to do it myself. Just don't be afraid to tell your family how you feel; and if you can't do it, the hormones may help you out some And I will pass on some of the best advice I was given; bonding is a process not a moment. It happens gradually over time and will be the most amazing thing. Best of luck!

My beautiful boys born on 6/8/2008:
Rowan 2 lbs 10 oz
Elliott 2 lbs 7 oz
Finn 2 lbs 5 oz

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I understand your concerns. My boys were in the NICU for the first two weeks, and I didn't feel like I bonded too well with them in utero (I was too scared to, I think) so it was a long time before I truly felt like their mama. But it came in time. I didn't have a *lot* of help when they came home, who knows, maybe that helped. My advice is to have your family members help with the things like laundry and cooking that you won't have time to get to. The non-baby things. I mean, you will probably have to let them help with the babies too, but if you can delegate the non-baby stuff to them first, then you'll get more time with your babies.

That said, it's really really really nice to have an extra set of hands to help with the middle of the night feedings. It won't interfere with your bonding, I promise.

Pam
Identical BBB triplets born 12/4/07 at 33w2d
http://www.pyjammy.com
New Orleans triplets: http://www.nolatripletsandmore.com/

Hi Georgie,

I hated that I had to have help and couldn't do it all by myself. I appreciated the help, but I knew the babies were bonding with them too. I got the family out as quickly as I could manage by myself but the babies are still extremely close to those family members. Now they are 20 months, they know who Mama is, and it is nice that they have the extended family relationships too. I still don't know how it will play out in the future but right now I'm okay with how it has turned out. I feel like we really are bonded in a special way.

Good luck.

Wendy
Mom to trips born 6/29/2007 @ 35w1d
Jack 5 lb 3 oz
Estelle 5 lb 7 oz
Clara 4 lb 9 oz

Georgie,
I totally had a bonding issue, I too was so scared while I was pregnant about loosing one. Once they were delivered at 31 weeks, I could not hold them for the first 5 days b/c they were on IVH precautions. It took me a while to bond, well after we came home. But 12 weeks later, they know me and my voice and I love them like my next breath. we have help from family and 2 nannies ( I have recently gone back to work). While I would love to do it all myself I can't. Honestly having a 3rd set of hands to feed allows me to take my time with the one I have and enjoy them more. No matter how much help, they will know and want mommy.
best wishes
Lisa
GGG Cara, Corrine, Chloe

I think having the extra help allows you to bond BETTER than if you were trying to manage everything by yourself. The reason is, when you are on your own with 3 infants, you are so busy getting tasks done (must pump breastmilk, must do laundry, must wash dishes, must make grociery list, must change sheets, must eat, etc.) that you don't sit and enjoy any of the babies, let alone bond with them individually.

Having someone help with the tasks, even the baby-related tasks of rocking a fussy baby or changing a poopy individual, allows you to really relax and get to know the babies one at a time.

I agree with the previous poster that bonding is a process, and not a moment. It will take time, but it will happen.

Sheila
GGB 10/29/06 (33 weeks)

Totally normal! It took us a week to let anybody hold them when they were in the NICU. At first we felt a bit guilty, but justified it (rightly, I think!) by the fact that what we really wanted was to let the girls sleep when they were sleeping, so what little time we had to hold them, we didn't want to share. I did get to the NICU a few times when my in-laws were visiting (they had entry privileges without us needing to be there) and they had both girls out, and it pissed me off, as they were still only 2 weeks old, and I didn't like taking them out lots. Like someone else said, you can totally ask the nurses to not allow anybody but you guys to hold them. They'll totally do your dirty work - one nurse even took me aside and said "if you don't want them holding the babies, let me know."

I was also that way when they were discharged - I didn't want anybody at my house. After 6-8 weeks of other people being in charge, I just wanted to do it all myself, and for my husband and I to get into our own routine before we had people come and help. I'm still that way, but now it's just my personality.

Amy

Julia, ^Caitlin^ (stillborn due to encephalocele complications) & Gabrielle
30 weeks, 2 days

We're Marching for Babies!

http://www.marchforbabies.org/asmaio

Since I have a completely different take on this, I decided to give you a little bit of a different perspective.

I HATED that my little girls had to be in the NICU without any touch for so many hours of the day. The nurses do their best, but they can't hold three infants, when they are doing rounds, etc., etc. I wanted my girls to feel human touch as much as possible and I did not care where that touch came from.

Therefore, my mom, dad, sister, one friend, and inlaws were brought with us EVERY SINGLE DAY! I hated us being there and not holding all of them. I hated seeing them in there all alone. We would go in and I would hold one, mom would hold one, and Frank would hold one and then we would rotate out.

I worried a bit about bonding, but more important for me was that they were feeling our contact as much as possible. And at 3.5, my girls are perfectly bonded to me. Do they love my mom, you better believe it. But no child (especially multiples) can have too many adults that love them like our family does.

And I'm not sure that its because they've always had people in the lives like this or not, but my girls NEVER went through that mommy only stage. They go to Daycare, nana's house, etc, without a fuss.

Kimberly,
Mom to Isabelle, Alyssa, and Makenna
www.guinntrips.com

i think we had that initial reaction too, just having so many people in your house is hard. however, now we say, bring it on! sure, come on and help, we'll take it!

the babies will always know who their mother is and their dad too. that is their number one connection, after that it'll probably be grandparents, but you will always be their number one choise, it just works out that way.

I had never been pregnant before and right out of the gate it was triplets. I had no clue what to expect from one baby, let alone 3. Two were in the NICU for 2 weeks and my DS was in the NICU for 2 months. I will never forget what it was like to hold my babies for the first time...but I will also never forget how grateful I was to have the help of my inlaws and parents and family during those first few weeks and months. I was so exhausted, emotionally and physically, that I needed the help of my family just to get through the day. I agree with the PP who said to enjoy the extra help.You have no idea yet (but you will!) how fast your day can fly by and how little rest you actually get. If you can get your MIL to feed them while you take a nap-Do It!! My children are so loved and have bonded with so many people, but at the end of the day, it is about Mommy and Daddy, no matter who else is around.
Also, that one on one bonding time with each child is important, so having another person to hold your angel, could be a benefit to all.
Congrats and Good luck!

Sally
Mom to the K-Krew
33wk 3d 9/30/08
BBG

www.sallyok.blogspot.com

My preeclampsia got worse after my delivery and I caught some kind of stomach bug in the hospital, so I was not allowed to see my babies for some days - the hardest thing ever!
I was so grateful for my relatives and best friend for visiting them and holding them while I couldn't.
I think I never worried about bonding with them because I have two older kids and I know from experience that they WILL know who their parents are. Just enjoy every minute!
Petra
DS 08/02
DD 05/04
BBG 05/09 32.1 weeks