Hi, my BBG triplets came home end of April 2009 and are now 4 months (1.5months corrected). we are currently living with my husbands parents for their help, but it kind of back-fired because now the babies are very spoiled as they want to be picked up and held a lot. The grandparents are very loving and affectionate, but dont just let them cry, and pick them up and hold them for long periods of time, usually until they fall asleep. we recently spoke to them about this problem, but they dont think its right to let them just cry. i even spoke to our family doctor, who agrees with us that they need to be left cry if they are not hungry, hurt, uncomfortable, or need to be changed un til they get used to being on their own. Can someone please tell me how you managed to train them so they dont need to be picked up and held anytime theyre not sleeping?

The way to train them to not be picked up is to simply stop picking them up. If this is a huge point of contention between you and your in-laws, and if they truly will not change their behavior, then don't allow them to take care of the babies...and if that means moving out, then move out.

Grandparents have a really hard time leaving babies to cry...and it's even worse because they generally never raised three babies at once, so they just don't get it. We made a rule that there was to be no holding babies unless it was feeding time or playtime. In other words, no cuddling if it was going to result in a baby falling asleep. So they were allowed to hold the girls when they were feeding, for burping, and so long as they were playing or talking to them. But everytime we walked in and saw a baby sleeping on a grandparent, we removed the baby from the grandparent or had a very serious conversation about it.

So, again, the best way to change their behavior is to change yours. Also, it is totally normal for them to cry when you put them on the ground for tummy time and back time. Our girls were most productive in learning to roll over and such when they were screaming their heads off. It is frustrating for them and physically challenging, so they will cry...but just get down there on the floor with them and encourage them through the cries. If your in-laws want to help, then they need to go to the children and play with them on the ground rather than pick them up to cuddle everytime they cry.

Last, take them to the doctor with you and have a serious conversation about it.

Good luck. I know it's not easy. Grandparents want to make everything better, but sometimes they make it worse in the process.


Crystal
Makenna Elizabeth, Olivia Lyn, and Lauren Avery
http://familycernanec.blogspot.com/

I don't believe babies of this age can actually be spoiled, but I do understand your frustration.

I would explain to my in laws your desire to (and the importance of) having your babies begin to learn some self soothing skills. Then demonstrate for them (probably repeatedly) how you can still comfort your baby without immediately picking them up. For example, you can go over and distract them with a toy, a rattle, or just by talking to them to get their attention. There will be times when the babies are just really upset and it may take holding or rocking to calm them down, but that shouldn't last until they are asleep. Once calm they should go back to playing or the bouncy chair or whatever for entertainment.

I hold my babies any time I can. So much of my time is taken up just doing the essentials that when I get the chance to interact 1-on-1 or with all 3 of them doing something that is not feeding, diaper changes, bathing, etc. I take it. I read each baby a book every day during which I hold them or I will carry them with me when I make their bottle. Just little things to give them my attention so they can still feel loved and comfortable.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

Kylie
BGB born 1/28/09 @ 33w3d
4.6, 4.3, 4.9