Cat,

One of my boys has always been fascinated by his penis. For as long as I can remember, as soon as you took off his diaper, he was playing with it. I can even remember having to pin his hands down just to get his diaper back on. Anyway, it got so bad that he was walking around CONSTANTLY with his hands in his pants. It was just creeping me out. He would make comments about it "growing" and started to get very aggressive with it. Anyway, we told him the same thing you told your daughter about going to his room (or the bathroom). Every single time we saw him doing it, we either told him to take his hands out of his pants, or asked him to go to his room. We were never cross with him, and never yelled at him about it, just very matter of fact. "Son, if you want to play with your penis, you need to go to your room, no one wants to watch you play with your private parts". While I was reading your post, I realized that I haven't had to say anything to him for quite a while (during the day). He still loves to handle it when he is getting dressed, but that is it. I don't know if that helps at all.

As for your son, I really can't help you. My other son likes to put his hand in my cleavage when he is upset. He has been doing this since he was an infant, and I am trying to figure out how to get him to stop. I haven't allowed him to do it for quite some time, but he still tries all the time. I think it is automatic for him, almost like he doesn't even know he is trying to do it!

HTH, good luck changing these habits.

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

Do you wear a necklace or beads? Maybe your DS would feel comfort if he could clutch on to those instead of your hair?

As far as your DD, that would just creep me out and I would make sure I made a big enough deal about it to make sure she knows you don't do that in public. Seriously, we are so worried about "psychological damage" nowadays, but if you don't break that habit the other kids are going to crucify her. Talk about psychological damage! They'll taunt her FOR-EVER. I would firmly (read: hysterical screaming) tell her to knock it off when I saw her do it.

I've got a "chewer" who puts everything in her mouth. If I see her with something in her mouth, I tell her, "Get that out of your mouth NOW." So something along the lines of "Get your hands off your ____" would be my approach. It's obviously a nervous self-soothing habit like my "chewer" and they need to find a different way to soothe themselves so telling them to go to their room isn't really teaching them to do something else. I don't want her chewing stuff in her room, KWIM? Good luck.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

hello lovey

you're the lawyer...how are those bargaining genetics in your home?

lay out the ground rules BEFORE commencing activities.

BEFORE you let little caidan crawl into your lap i would say, "mummy loves cuddling, but no pulling mummy's hair, because that hurts mummy. do you still want to crawl up?" you can even offer him something else to manipulate, like a soft piece of fleece. have your hair pulled away from him into a bunch so it's not tempting!

and with caeleigh - i do agree with michelle. older kids are going to start teasing her pretty soon and close minded adults might read too much into it. so, before heading out, you explain the rules to her and see if she can agree with them.

"i do want to take you to sarah's house and we'll stay for dinner, but if we go, you can't put your hands down your knickers. do you still want to go?"

you can also develop a signal with her if she is doing it unconsciously so you can catch her eye and make her aware of it.

hope this helps. xo


tess
mummy to 7yr old ds & the triumverate born 2004

"the days are slow but the years fly by quickly"

ds- I would find some kind of taggy blanket to wrap around your shoulders and explain that you love cuddling with him, but your hair hurts when he pulls it, so he can pull on the substitute instead.

dd- you might want to try some overalls for awhile! my dd tends to enjoy her privates and we've had discussions, but she only does it in her room at naptime (I put a sleeper on her at night). when her nails got a little too long she actually drew blood from being a bit vigorous I guess, so we talked about treating it gently as well. have you been consistent about making her go to her room to do it? if not, I would start and have her go each and every time. I would just be very matter of fact about it and not get emotional; otherwise, then I think kids do stuff just because they know it really annoys their parent.

Mary

born 12/12/04 33w2d

In college I majored in Human Development and Family studies. I took many classes on child development and what your DD is doing is natural. You are handling it perfectly. Bring it to her attention and let her know that what she is doing should be done in private. You should never let her think it is dirty or unnatural because this can lead to an unhealthy view of herself. Here is a good article that I found on the subject.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_masturbation_11558.bc

I have caught my DS when he is going to sleep or waking up he will lay on his stomach and rub himself on his bed.

Tanna

06/22/07 29 weeks 4 days
Lincoln 2 lbs 13 oz
Colton 2 lbs 14.4 oz
Dakota 2 lbs 11oz
http://tannastriplets.blogspot.com/

Regarding your touchy monkey, I am not sure it requires such kid gloves. You're not suppose to play with your stuff in front of anyone else. Period. And for goodness sake, wash your hands! LOL! It's just like nose picking. It's not emotional. There's not a kinder, gentler approach needed. Just don't do it. It's not appropriate. Knock it off.

What she does within the confines of her bedroom is her deal. Who cares about that? But, on your couch or at church, come on! Ick! Going poop is also natural, but do we have to be careful not to scar our children's delicate self image when we make it clear that we only poop in the bathroom? Perferably on the toliet? Of course not! In our society, elimination occurs behind close doors in privacy. Is she emotionally damaged as a result of potty training?

These are social acceptablility issues. Nothing more. Don't allow yourself to get wrapped up in the fact that it's her stuff. It's no different than picking your nose and eating the findings, or scratching yourself, or picking your feet, or chewing your toe nails, or farting at the dinner table. Don't let her be a social boob.

If she is old enough to understand that we do not go to the grocery store without clothes on, then she is certainly old enough to understand that we don't touch our stuff where others can see us. When she was learning to keep her clothes on in public, were you worried about emotionally damaging her then? How is this different? Do you feel that now she sees her body as yucky because society deems we cover up before entering the public domain? Of course not!

Oh, and, BAD SPANKING MOMMIES!!! KNOCK IT OFF, ALL OF YOU!

I did read all the responses, so if this duplicates I apologize.

First Caleleigh. I have a humper, it didn't really bother me at first, thought it a bit strange for her being so little. She LOVED to be buckled into her carseat! It was traumatizing at times.

I think her caregiver had more of a problem with it and made me talk to the doctor about it. Our peed said this is totally normal, which helped. And start re-directing.

We have been doing this since about the age of 2/3. She mostly only does it when she is tired and trying to fall asleep now.

We kept it straight and to the point. If your going to do that you need to go in your room. If she did not listen after the second prompt she was escorted to her room.

For Caidan I say do unto others. If he is just sitting and chilling walk up to him and tell him you want to cuddle. But kind of lay across him as he would you. And reach right up and start the hair thing with him. Probably have to do this several times, but he should realize how much it sucks. Not to mention they are at the age of getting empathy now. USE IT! Be over dramatic. Ouch, oh that really hurts mommy, sad face conjour up a few tears is you can. KWIM?

Amy
Wife to Jason(pixelpusher)
Mom to Gwynne, Connor, Chloe 11/03/03
25wks 1day

www.ferristrio.blogspot.com

http://lilypie.com>

Well, ladies, I knew that if I came here that you would have words of advice, opinion and encouragement. Thank you so much for sharing all of these. It helped me to "stir up my courage to the sticking point."

Night before last, as we were getting dressed for bed, Caeleigh came into the bathroom, interrupting my privacy. I got to talking with her about privacy, and the conversation just took off. Caidan came over and wanted a piece of the action and I tried to tell him that we were having a private talk, but he didn't want to be excluded, so...

I wound up telling Caeleigh that I understood that when she played with her private parts that it felt good, but that God had made our bodies that way for a very special reason. It is a special gift that God gives to us for when we are married, and it is something to be shared between a husband and a wife. I told her that she needed to stop doing this because she was way too young to be focusing her thinking on this, and that God would give her the time when this gift was supposed to be used. I told both of them that this was true for Caidan, too.

And, then I also told them that they needed to keep their minds and their hearts pure to honor God. This means that they should not be touching each other's bottoms (which has been a hot topic around our house, thank you), or touching each other's chests or private parts, and that it was time for them to start taking their baths apart.

I also revealed to Caeleigh about the little boys' mom who was not happy about her not keeping her skirt down and showing her hiney in church, and that this mamma was right. It was time for her to learn to behave in a way that showed a respect for what God has given to her. She is beautiful and special.

Anyway, with all of this, I also told Caeleigh that she needs to stop playing with her bottom now. She is "cheating" God on this gift that He has for her, and it is sort of like looking behind the couch just because you know that mamma has hidden Christmas presents there -- getting them before it is time. All you do is ruin the surprises for Christmas. This is the same thing.

(Yeah, Michele, I know...pretty verbose, huh??)

So far, so good. I am no longer going to tell her to go elsewhere to do this. Instead, I'm going to tell her that she needs to consider whether what she is doing is honoring God and the gifts that He has saved special for her.

If all of you had not responded, I would probably have shirked this conversation. But, both of my children really seemed to appreciate it and they have been much more serious about their behavior in this regard for the past couple of days. And, this makes me happy.

Thank you ALL so much!!

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

I think you are on the right track with your daughter. keep forcing her to her room when she does it and it should stop.

As for your son, I have a friend whose son sleeps with a "piece". It is one of those fake ponytails that you buy at the drugstore.

ETA- I wrote this response before reading the others! I hope your new talk worked for your daughter.

Stefanie

Mom to BGB
33 weeks 6 days
3/3/07