I know, a pretty vague question but I will give examples. Also, since I don't like to do research I look here for some advice and then go from there.

The trio is 4 (will be 5 in August). They started preschool this year , 2 days a week for 5 hours. So a good amount of time. They are all in the same class, which didn't matter to me. They all sit at seperate tables which is good. By now I would have thought they would have at least learned the names of the other kids at their tables. I think there are 6 kids total at each table so only 5 names would need to be learned. They maybe know 5 names between the 3 of them.

It doesn't seem like they talk to many of the other kids in school. Even when we are out in public and see kids from their class, the other kids will say hi to them and say their name(s) but my kids start to act goofy and make gurgle noises or start crawling on the ground, or even ignore them completely until I prompt them to say hello. This happened today at the library. The little girl was so cute and only wanted to play with mine but they pretended she wasn't there or made strange noises. I felt bad for the girl. I asked her name and she told me so at least I know her name and can tell it to my kids. It was embarrassing. My kids know how to talk. Yes, sometimes they are hard to understand but I think most people know what they are talking about.

My kids are also smaller than the other kids in their class which makes a difference too. They treat Ellla almost like a living doll. I know she gets a lot of help from the other girls in class. Zoe is usually so aggressive and outgoing but at school she seems to go into herself. Part of that may have to do with her patching but she is fine any time she has to wear it. And then there is Aidan. He is just so quiet and a good boy but is getting in trouble a lot by following some of the other kids. He is getting better though.

I think they are the youngest in their class. It is for 4-5 year olds so that may be the difference too,

Thanks
Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

Our kids are the same age. My kids have not formed any bonds with the kids in their class. They know some of their names but if I asked who they played with that day, they will usually just say "the other boys". The only other girls in the class is a set of twins and my kids refer to them as a set. I don't think they can tell them apart. When they pass by the other kids on the way to class, they don't acknowledge them. They recognize them as being in their class but they can't tell me their names.

DS is known to make squeaky sounds instead of using words. He knows how to talk but resorts to his sounds a lot of the time. I think it is a maturity thing. He still has a lot of maturing to do and he is one of the oldest boys in his class! He has always been well behaved but has been getting into a lot of trouble in class too. We just had parent/teacher conferences today and the teacher reassured me that his behavior is somewhat typical of immature boys. He is just not ready to sit still. We will not be putting the kids into kindergarten next year because of this. DS is just not ready. I want to give him another year to mature.

Your situation sounds like it could just be a social maturity thing as well. Also, since they have each other, they aren't forced to branch out and make friends like singletons are.

Have you decided whether or not your kids are going to kindergarten next year? Just curious. Most of my friends w/ trips around the same age are pushing their kids to go. I was on the fence because of the August birthday but finally decided not too.

Jana
GBG Born August 5, 2005
31 Weeks

No Kindergarten next year at all. They will have just turned 5 and they would be some of the youngest in the class. For us, one more year of preschool would be good. Hopefully we can get into one that will be 3 days a week instead of two.

Thank you for responding. It does sound like a maturity thing. All my kids can talk and do so no stop but as soon as someone new walks in, nothing.

Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

Hi Suzan,
Hope things are good with you guys. My kids are just about a year younger (they will be 4 in April). The go to the three year old program 2 days a week for 2 hours 15 minutes. There are a total of 15 kids in the class including my boys. They can name the kids in their class. They will tell you who they sat next to that day. They will tell you who was the class leader that day and what they had for snack. You can't just ask general questions like "what did you do today?" because it leads to a general answer of "played" or "nothing". But I will say "who did you sit next to?" "what did you have for snack?"

As for their reactions, are they used to being around lots of other children? It might just be them getting used to it. My boys have been enrolled in soccer, art, library school etc since they were 2 to get them around kids other than themselves. My nephew has an early birthday and he started kindergarten at 4 and turned 5 in the first month. MOst of the other boys in the class were kept home and they were all turning 6 that year. He was fine in Kindergarten but had a hard time socially in the first grade. Academically, he was above them but he was smaller and less social. Now he's 11 and he's just fine.

www.myliltees.com

Mom to Ciaran Thomas, Colin Francis and Cormac Robert. Born at 31.5 weeks.

http://lilypie.com>

My trio is very close in age to yours. Mine go to full-day preschool 5 days a week because I work a full-time job outside the home. They started at age 3 and were all in the same class. They have all now moved to the 4-year-old class and are still together. They do know all of the kids' names.....maybe about 10 or so kids.

I'm thinking that your kids just aren't with their classmates enough to really get to know them and learn their names. If they were around the other kids more, they would remember their names simply because they would become closer to those kids and would hear their names more often throughout the day. I'm not suggesting that you change your schedule, only that that may be the reason why they are still so shy with the other kids. Also, don't forget that some of the other kids may have been in class together before, so they may already know each other and your kids, being the "new" ones, are feeling a little left out. Just a thought. For what it's worth, I notice a huge difference in maturity between the just-turned-4-year-olds and the 5-year-olds.

Regarding the shyness in the library...when mine were 3 they were invited to a birthday party at a park with all the other kids in their class. When we got there mine acted like they had never seen the other kids before and hid behind me. It was weird since my kids see these other kids EVERY day. I think because it was in a different environment, they were thrown off guard. After about 10 minutes, they finally relaxed and started playing with the other kids. Maybe your kids were thrown off guard too when they saw the little girl from their class in a different setting.

Regarding kindergarten, as it stands now, we are planning to hold ours back a year too. DS is no where near ready and since their birthday is 5 days before the kindergarten cut-off date, we're waiting (and paying for preschool) another year.

Joan
mom to Caroline, Erin and Robbie
born 9/26/05 @ 35 weeks
visit us at http://www.babyhomepages.net/greenetriplets

Suzan~

I think your children are being "typical", silly, fun-loving 4 year olds.

My girls were really the observers in pre-school last year and they still are to a certain extent.

But, I've seen a big difference over the last year with regard to being a little bit more outgoing and making friends.

For us, 5 was the magic number for really a lot of things. Our girls have really blossomed socially and academically so I wouldn't worry too much about their "4 year old behavior".

It's fun to see them interact with their friends and break out of their little shells.

We met some friends at a bounce house place last week. When my kids saw their friends, they all ran and hugged each other. It was really cute to see them so excited.

Last year? They would have been too "shy" to greet their friends like that.

And on another note: My girls are 5 years old and in Kindergarten along with 6 year olds. There's quite a bit of difference between the two age groups. The 6 year olds are reading and mine are just starting. So, just to give you an idea of the difference between 5 and 6 year olds... A year makes a big difference.

Lisa

Thank you everyone. Your answers were reasuuring and thoughtful.

My kids are not around other kids a lot. We do go places where there are kids but they tend to stick to themselves. As for actual planned activities where they go somewhere and are around kids they know, not a whole lot. Things are expensive here in our small town in Texas. But, of course, everything is expensive in Texas (except housing). We are invovled in a local moms group (not for multiples though) and we used to do more with them but since school we have slowed down. Once summer kicks in it will get better.

Also, where we live there are close knit church groups (Baptist being the biggest one). We are not church people (I think the best word is Agnostic). I know if we found a church we could "suffer" with it would be easier for the kids to makes friends. We can't do Baptist though (husband was but can not tolerate the religion anymore). Since we like alcohol that excludes a lot of people too. Sounds like I am making a lot of excuses and maybe I am. I wany my kids to have friends since I didn't have many growing up or even now.

Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

Everyone where I live is Mormon, and I am coffee/wine drinking secular fool, but somehow we have fit into the Mormon culture and that is who my kids play with every day. Weird, but the religiton part doesn't seem to matter. So you might be surprised to find people in the religion who are pretty tolerant. Or maybe Mormons just aren't judgemental like Baptists.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Suzan,

What part of TX? I'm in Lubbock TX which is FULL of conservative Christians. I am a Christian but a drinking one

Tanna

06/22/07 29 weeks 4 days
Lincoln 2 lbs 13 oz
Colton 2 lbs 14.4 oz
Dakota 2 lbs 11oz
http://tannastriplets.blogspot.com/

I don't they your kids are too far behind socially, especially considering they are the youngest in their class. I wouldn't worry about it, but it does give you some things to work on.

I found out a few years ago that my neighbor gives her kids a quarter for every "new friend" that they talk to during the first week of school. I laughed when I heard about it, but it really is an awesome idea...some motivation to overcome their naturally shy tendancies. Her kids were in 1st grade at the time, but I'm sure you could come up with some incentive for your 4 year olds. Then it could be a conversation at dinner about who talked to someone new today and what their name was, and what they talked about. I think it is a good way to get all of them involved.

Also, my youngest son is 3, with a July birthday. I do not plan on holding him back so, he will start kindergarten the same time as your kids and your kids are right on track with him. He says "hi" to people when I tell him to, but will act all shy when he sees a school friend out in public. He does know all of the kids in his class, but his teacher made a book with all of the kids' pictures using the "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" book idea at the beginning of the year. It was cute and really helped him, and us, a lot. He is not super interested in what the other kids are doing, but he is definitely getting more interested as the year is progressing. Another thing that his teacher is doing is sending home a quick summary sheet for the day. She sits with him at the end of the day and they circle the things that he did that day...if he had a job, what centers he played in, what songs they sung. I love it because I was getting zero information from him at the beginning of the year. Now at least my questions could be less open-ended to make it easier for him. I would think that if your teacher would do it, she could include a "who did I play with today" section.

My other thought is that you might want to just start trying to set up playdates with other kids in their class. Will they be going to elementary school with these kids? If so, it is a great way to get some relationships started and a way to make the transition to kindergarten easier. Don't worry about the lack of friends now, for you or them. When they go to elementary school, you will know more people than you know what to do with, especially if you end up separating them in school.

Good luck!

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

My kids are 3& half , they are just the same like ur kids...I put them in preschool assuming they will "blossom" , they did but not as outgoing as I expected..I made it a point to put them in separate class so that they do'nt stick wth each other so that helped a bit (though i keep hearing the teacher saying that in the playground she's always trying to separate my kids ).

Also my dd is the team leader at home ,talks the most ,guides her brothers but at school she hardly speaks ..She was in sch from EI & then her teacher did point out that its like "fish in small pond" issue for her.

I am hoping once they go full time in school things will be better.

my boys turn 5 in september but have been in p/t preschool since they were 3. my husband and i also take them out everywhere to play, hang out in front of the house often and play with neighbors, and i have even joined a couple of play groups when they were younger. for a long time my boys continued to behave similarly to your daughters when it came to meeting others. it would take a lot of time spent with the same children for my sons to feel comfortable and behave "normally" around them. to this day, though, my sons would not be able to bond with other children and make "real" friends. i think its because my sons are always together and have such a strong bond with each other. they all like the same things and behave the same way. they also naturally understand each other and have always been able to communicate even without using many words. and i think the "twin talk" (this is what our pediatrician calls it) deterred them from being able to communicate "normally" with everyone else. with all of this said, i think my sons had to learn how to be with other children. and while they're still not as communicative and sociable as i would prefer, i noticed some improvement after their first year of preschool. they're more verbally responsive and, sometimes, they're even the first to speak. so it may just take some time and getting used to for your girls.

good luck!

el
www.thegisttripletfamily.blogspot.com

I think their behavior is pretty normal for that age and given the circumstances you mentioned (first year of preschool and not a lot of previous social contact with peers). My three are just a few days older than yours, but this is our second year of preschool. Last year, my three were more like yours, but this year their social skills have improved.

We still have shy moments outside of school... we have gone to a couple of their classmates' bday parties and all three literally cling to me for a while before opening up (despite the fact they know these kids from school). Plus, they sometimes see other kids they know from school at my health club's day care. For a long time (even into this year), I don't think they made the connection of knowing these kids from school and playing with them in the day care. As the year has progressed, this has also improved and I often hear, "I hope so-and-so is at day care today.". And I have one ds that even tells me that he "made a new friend today" when we go there once in a while. The others, not as much. But they are getting better at it. I think they will improve as they get older/ more mature.

Last year in preschool, especially towards the beginning of the year, mine (and pretty much most kids in the class) did a lot of parallel play, with little interaction. As the school year progressed, they started to talk about so-and-so at school, who they played with, etc. One of my three took a long time to finally start interacting... I would always ask them who they played with that day when I pick them up from school. Often they would say each other or no one. My one ds continued this a lot longer... to the point I finally asked the teacher about it and she did confirm that he did parallel play still. She worked more on interacting him with the others, which finally worked.

This year they ALL play with others and really enjoy school... I even think the slowest one to enjoy it last year probably enjoys it the most this year.

I should also add that we don't do alot of play dates (okay, none), but we have done some extracurricular activities like gymnastics. This year I see a big improvement on them interacting with the other kids than they did last year. I think it just takes time.

Kim

This does seem a bit unusual. When mine were four, they had definitely formed bonds with their classmates. My daughter Amanda was "in love" even. They knew who they liked, they knew who was mean, they told me endless stories about who got in trouble.

Now my singleton is four, and he is bestfriends with my friend Laura's four year old triplets. I know Laura's triplets are bonded to him too, because one of hers fell asleep on the way to school yesterday, and when he woke up, he told her was dreaming of Austin.

Are you having any playdates at your house or other parent's homes? My kids bonded most with the children they played with on the playground after school and the ones where I knew the parents and we got together outside the classroom structure.

Just a thought.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com