Our trips are just over 28 months old. The past month has seen some huge changes, and I feel my coping skills are running out. Some 'fun facts':

My hubby and I work full time out of the home. We have a nanny who is excellent -- the girls are obedient, moving rapidly toward fully potty trained (1 is 24/7 panties, the other two only have a diaper at nap and bedtime - otherwise panties and infrequent accidents), eat well (nicely balanced meals), enjoy the outdoors . . . I guess in short you would say they are 89% amazing . . . when we aren't there!

We get to spend the hours of 5:30-8 PM with them during the week. I am not sure if they are holding in all of their naughtiness all day and it explodes out when we get home, or what. There is fighting, food adversion, etc. The girls used to love to brush their teeth, and now I have one who will do it three times, and the other two end up in time-out at least once per night because they refuse to brush. Bed time used to be an easy routine . . . now one may be throwing a royal fit (still in the same room and still in cribs) which the other two may 'feed-off' of and before you know it there is misery everywhere (including on mom and dad). I feel so frustrated since we have such short time with them during the week that I should not have to have it all be correction and hearing the girls tell me 'no'.

Weekends are better . . . probably because I am more relaxed, too. I also recognize that this is part of their expected development to become more independent, stubborn, etc., but I feel like I am letting them down because all I get is frustrated and wishing they would just go to bed so I can have a moment of peace. Of course, I then feel terrible for thinking that.

Any perspective from survivors of this would help so. Much thanks for letting me vent.

Cindy
The Mothership
Abbie, Brynn and Claire
33 W 5 D


"

Your babies turned in to toddlers. The phrase "terrible twos" was invented for a reason. Welcome to the stubborn toddler hell phase. Sorry, but I'm not going to sugar coat it. Two is a hard year but it has nothing on age 3. From about the time my kids were 2.5 until now it has been rough. My kids are almost 4 and I am praying things will get better. Age 3 has kicked my butt on more than one occasion. Everyone says age 4 is better. If it isn't, I'm hunting down all of you who promised it would be better (you know who you are!!!).

Kids just seem to get more stubborn and hard to deal with at this age. They are trying to become more independant in some things, cling to being a baby in others. They get frustrated because they don't control much in their world yet and they aren't capable of doing all the things they want to do. I can't tell you how frustrated I have been with them at times. I've yelled and done things I never thought I would, LOL. In my saner moments I try to remember this is just a phase and it too shall pass. Soon, I hope!

Lori

http://yesidohavemyhandsfull.blogspot.com/

The changing of the guards...it's a complicated time of day. Your kids are exhausted and probably hungry, are craving your attention, and you have to get them fed and to bed while probably doing eighteen other things like laundry, cooking dinner, at least acknowledging that your spouse exists, answering the phone, etc. You've been at work all day and are lucky if you've gotten a chance to take off your coat. Add to that your kids are at the age of tempers, tantrums, and testing...oh, and your momma guilt from being gone all day is kicking in and you're also trying to cram in quality time in the above equation. Is there a better recipe for disaster?

You mentioned the bedtime routine not working well. Maybe since your girls are getting older it's time for a new routine not just for bedtime but for the whole night. Think of what you need to do between 5:30-8:30, and think of how you can make it predictable for them and also how you can build in some predictable 1:1 time. For example, if your dh is also home, one parent can play with two kids and one parent can do something special with one kid (special=set the table, help cook dinner, pick out pj's for everyone, get to help get the tub ready and pick out which bubbles to put in, etc.) Throughout the night, take these mundane things and turn them into 1:1 time by having each kid take a turn to be a special helper.

Also think about what the nanny can do before you get home to make things easier. For example, giving them a late afternoon snack so you can push dinner back a little and don't have to be in a rush to cook dinner immediately when you get home. Or have the kids playing in the backyard or park when you get home so you have 10 minutes to yourself BEFORE the kids even know your home...a chance to breathe, change clothes, put your stuff away, and switch to mommy mode. Then, spend some time just playing with the kids and then start the nightime routine keeping it as consistent as possible so the kids know what to expect.

Last but not least, stay consistent. Say 'no' as many times as you need to, follow through with time out, and remind yourself that your kids NEED boundaries to feel safe and you are doing your job as a parent. It's really hard to be gone all day and to have to come home and be the enforcer, but it has to be done. Make sure both parents are equally involved in discipline (so neither mom nor dad is the only one giving the time outs).

For brushing teeth, maybe add something special into the routine like reading books in Mommy and Daddy's bed after brushing teeth. So if the routine is put pjs on, brushing teeth, reading books and snuggles, then bed...kids who don't brush their teeth go right to bed and miss the reading books and snuggles.

Everybody gets a crappy year. For some, it's age 2. For others, it is age 3. For us, it was 2.5 to 3.5. A little longer for the baby, who started young and we are just now starting to see the light.

Keep those boundaries firm. Do NOT tell them 18 times to do something, then get mad and discipline. Instead, go do something about it the very first time they don't obey. So if you tell them to "come here", if they don't immediately come, get up, go take them by the hand and bring them back to where you were. "Mommy said to come here, and you need to obey me, OK?"

Each and every time. If you don't enforce what you say, they won't bother to listen. Then when you get mad and start yelling on the 18th time, they don't understand. Why did Mom do something different on the 18th time than she did on the first 17?? You have trained them not to listen, and then changed the game.

Be sure you are not telling them to do things you don't care about. Don't say "Camille - feed your babydoll with the bottle!" because if she doesn't do it, you have to enforce it, or else she is going to start trying to figure out what instructions she has to obey and what she can ignore. It's not fair to put a kid in that position. Instead, say "Camille, do you want to feed your babydoll a bottle?", leaving her the option to decide.

I'm not saying YOU personally aren't already doing this, just posting my general comments about this age! So don't think I am commenting about your parenting specifically.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Thanks to all for the shared wisdom! I welcome it all and it is always helpful to gain perspective. I am taking a lot away -- I think the key is always that rush in the door and 3 toddlers immediately attach themselves and 'boom' we are off and running. Now I feel there are some great suggestions on changes we can make and keep things moving forward. Please add more thoughts if you would like!

Cindy
The Mothership
Abbie, Brynn and Claire
33 W 5 D


"

>We get to spend the hours of 5:30-8 PM with them during the
>week. I am not sure if they are holding in all of their
>naughtiness all day and it explodes out when we get home, or
>what. There is fighting, food adversion, etc. The girls used
>to love to brush their teeth, and now I have one who will do
>it three times, and the other two end up in time-out at least
>once per night because they refuse to brush. Bed time used to
>be an easy routine . . . now one may be throwing a royal fit
>(still in the same room and still in cribs) which the other
>two may 'feed-off' of and before you know it there is misery
>everywhere (including on mom and dad). I feel so frustrated
>since we have such short time with them during the week that I
>should not have to have it all be correction and hearing the
>girls tell me 'no'.
>

Food aversion doesn't usually appear at this age - they would have had it earlier if it was true aversion (gagging, puking, etc.). Don't bother fighting with them over food. Serve them a meal with a smile. They can eat it or not, and if they realize you don't care, they won't make an issue of it. If they tell you they don't want something, tell them to just leave it on the plate but don't talk about it. Once they realize that you will let them go hungry if they make that choice, they will eat.

Tooth brushing - if they don't do it, do it for them. With no more attention or fuss than possible. At age 2, you should still be brushing for them anyway. I laid mine down on their backs, with their arms lightly pinned under my thighs, and brushed. They got to pick a song, and by the time I was done singing it, I was done brushing. Anyone who didn't come quickly when called and lay down didn't get to pick the song.

Bedtime - do you have a pack-n-play you can put in another room? As soon as one starts causing issues, just move them to another room with as little fanfare as possible.

Deal with these things quickly and decisively, but with as little fanfare as possible or they will last forever!

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

So right . . . it is more 'aversion' in the sense that I made something and got the look like, "what? I am suppose to eat that?!?"


Cindy
The Mothership
Abbie, Brynn and Claire
33 W 5 D

Wow great posts and ideas! My kids are 2 1/2 and I pray every that I can make it through without screaming my head off!!!! They drive me crazy! At least I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm not the only one going through this. I do find myself telling my kids 18 times to stop something, because I get so busy that I don't want to stop and punish them. Crazy, but I feel better knowing that it's a phase and I don't just have CRAZY kids!

Sarah

GGB 35 weeks
GB 37 weeks

Sophia, Elijah, and Camden 10/29/07
Emma, and Isaac 02/17/09

>I do find myself telling my kids 18 times to stop something,
>because I get so busy that I don't want to stop and punish
>them.
>

The kids KNOW IT, I promise!! I tell my kids ONE TIME to do something, and they acknowledge ("yes mom") and do it. My husband can tell them the exact same thing, and they won't even blink, let alone obey. Why should they? They KNOW he isn't going to make them! He is NOT a multi-tasker. If he is brushing one kid's teeth, the others will intentionally choose that time to be naughty, knowing that he may tell them to do something, but he won't enforce it. I don't have any problem whatsoever with pausing mid-tooth-brushing (or mid-ANYTHING else!) and dealing with obedience issues, and the kids know that too. So they obey. It was a huge hassle at first b/c I was always having to stop in the midst of things to deal with stuff, but that hassle has paid for itself a million times over!

At this point, my kids will obey the vast majority of the time, so they are a pleasure to be with. We can do all kinds of fun things that I wouldn't/couldn't do if they weren't obedient. I rarely have to discipline them, because they obey quickly. In the evenings, childcare is my DH's job. In the 2 hours between the time he gets home and the time they go to bed, he is frustrated and yelling almost every night. They are in tears. It's awful. It really is worth the time and effort to encourage your kids to obey on the FIRST try!

One other thought: Getting in the habit of a verbal response is huge. "Yes, Mom", "Yes, Ma'am", whatever. This tells you that 1) they heard you, and 2) they agree to do whatever you said. Kids are a LOT more likely to obey after responding.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

>So right . . . it is more 'aversion' in the sense that I made
>something and got the look like, "what? I am suppose to eat
>that?!?"

And of course the real problem is that one kid decides dinner is disgusting, no one is going to eat it. Food is never as appetizing after someone else has said it was gross. So discipline the attitude, but not the eating or not eating. If I had a dollar for everytime I said "if you don't like it, leave it on your plate, but don't talk about it", I would be rich! If they comment several times negatively about the food, they are excused from the table, to sit in the corner until everyone else is done.

I have read seriously hundreds of parenting books. "How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter is in my top 5, and I would highly recommend it for you!

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06