Hi ladies!
Its been so long since I've posted anything here, but I'm back....and DESPERATE!

My DD JIllian is driving me crazy, I'm literally in tears at the end of everyday bc I feel like such a failure with her. Literally from the moment she wakes up in the morning until she has fallen asleep, her behavior is OUT OF CONTROL. I'm not sure at this point if its just the attention thing, or if she has an actual behavioral disorder at this point.

The girls will be 4 next month and all go to preschool, all know full well what behaviors are unacceptable, etc. If the other 2 girls hit, or do something they know will get them in trouble, they accept their punishment willingly and KNOW they will get in trouble.
Jillian however, doesnt think twice about clocking her sisters in the face right in front of me, pushing, yelling, controlling and manipulating the other girls and bullying them around. And either doesn't seem to care if she gets in trouble or will throw an hour long tantrum, like its a surprise and unfair treatment that she gets in trouble. I feel like some days she's in her room more often than not! I've tried positive reinforcement by ignoring her behavior ( to an extent ) and giving the other 2 reward for god behavior in front of her, doesnt work. I've tried taking away privilages like movie time, dessert, etc.- doesnt work. I feel like ive tried it all and my frustration point has been long met.

I cant even take them to the gym anymore bc Jillian will ringlead horrible behavior there ( hitting babies in the face with a plastic doll, spitting, etc. ) its mortifying. They've called me from the gym to come get them, I'm surprised at this point they havn't told me not to come back.

Their father and I are not together, and I've always wondered about his unstable behavior as well. I am very sure he has bipolar/ manic-depressive disorder. Is that genetic?
How can I get her tested for this? I know I could ask the pedi but wondering if there's a better way/ alternative DR?

Any advice would help so much

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="" alt="Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker" border="0" width="400" height="80" /></a>

Lorielle, mom to:
GGG (2 ID, 1 Fr)
Caitlyn 3.8
Jillian 3.15
Alexandra 3.14

Born at 33 weeks on July 16,

I am sure one of the other MOM's who deal with this more closely will chime in here...but have you tried removing red dye 40 from her diet? These behaviors could be many things, but they do sound similar to my nephew and his reaction to the dye and some of the other HOM's descriptions of it.

Susan

Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message

  

I would talk to my pediatrician and ask for a referral for a counselor that works with children. Mental disorders like Bipolar Disorder can be inherited, but her behaviors could mean any number of things. Even if it is BP, you can get good counseling that will help her. But really, it could be so many different things. I'd start asking professionals you trust and listen to your gut.

So sorry you're going through this.

Susanne

gbg @ 31.6
5/2006

Do you have a Children's Hospital or therapy center near you that do behavioral/developmental screenings?

It could be any number of things. One thing that comes to mind is Sensory Integration Disorder, but there would also be other issues going on besides just defiance if this is the case.

There is a popular book in paperback called The Out of Sync Child that discusses this further.

Sheila
GGB 10/29/06 (33 weeks)

I sometimes wonder if it's not the triplet dynamic that plays a role in a scenario like yours.

Does she feel left out?

Does she ever complain that her sisters don't want her to play with them?

I find that my girls can play together like angels sometimes and then there are times when it's two against one and it's usually the same two kids against the one.

So, the one kid who feels left out, can tend to act up.

She's just extra sensitive, too. Is Jillian that way? Like she just needs a little extra attention and doesn't care if it's negative.

Can you bribe her with a date; just the two of you?

I think it's so tough to differeniate a serious problem or just typical, little kid behavior (a kid who's mad about something so is acting out).

The book that was suggested is definitely a good start to at least read up on symptoms. And then an appointment with the doctor can't hurt.

Try a one on one date and see how she behaves.

My one DD thrives on these times with me and it improves her behavior. Maybe you need something as simple as that.

Lisa

I was thinking the same thing as Lisa. I have one who is also very sensitive and emotional. She is the one who will be getting in trouble ALL THE TIME once we officially start disciplining the girls (ours are 19 months and only now starting to somewhat understand when they are doing inappropriate things). I find that she has an easier time if I give her extra positive attention. Fortunately, my other two don't get jealous...and fortunately, my sensitive one wakes up earlier than the other two, which gives us plenty of alone time. So I really try to hang out with her as much as I can without making the other two feel left out. Not sure if that fits your daughter or your situation...but if so, it might be worth a try.

I would definitely also pursue a child psychologist. Interestingly, though, that will also provide an opportunity for her to have 1-on-1 attention with someone, which might prove helpful, too.

Oh, and if it is the 2-on-1 thing that the pp described, where she feels ganged up on, it might also help to pull one of her siblings out for a few hours of adult 1-on-1 so that J can bond with just 1 sibling at a time.

Good luck! I know how awful it feels to have to discipline your kids over and over and to feel like you rarely get to happily interact with them. I really hope things improve for you.

Crystal
http://familycernanec.blogspot.com/

You might look into oppositional defiant disorder. One of my dds had some symptoms of it along with some sensory issues and moody behavior. My trio is on a GFCF and soy free diet with all HFCS, artificial colors and flavors, preservatives and nitrates out of their diet and this has helped tremendously. You might start with taking out things one at a time and see if it helps. Some psychiatric disorders do seem to run in families but they are finding a lot of links between the gut and the brain. For example, you need to be able to break down certain things in the colon in order to make neurotransmitters for the brain. If you have a "leaky gut" substances can reach the bloodstream and travel to the brain that should not be there. This can create behavioral problems or psychosis in some individuals.
HTH
Happy