Our kids are 28months old two girls and a boy. They spend most of their day testing me to see what they can get away with touching everything that is off limits like china cabinets and trying to climb on to counters and chairs on to the dining room table and getting into what few drawers that are not baby proofed continually all day long. I ask them not to do something, they don't respond to me so then I yell at them to stop doing the negative behavior and remove them from where they shouldn't be. They repeatedly do what they shouldn't be doing as if it's a game. After they do the negative behavior about the fourth time I loose my patience and temper. I usually end up spanking them on their bottom with my hand and setting them in time out for 2 minutes. They cry a few minutes and that's that. I am really starting to feel like a child abuser. That's not a good feeling. I always said I wouldn't spank my kids out of anger. I am feeling like a terrible mom. Any suggestions would be much appreciated

Debbie
33wks
1/25/08

Hi,

I went through the same thing..I really think it is an age thing. When my trio were 2 I was always saying no, time outs. They are 3 now and it has really started to change. They are really starting to listen. You are not a child abuser because you spank your kids. I will give them a little swat on the but if I have to. Time outs also start to work better when they turn 3. You are almost there. If it gets too bad and I am getting mad I will go in another room for a couple of minutes and gather my thoughts..it really does work (so does an IPOD!).

Karen
mom to ggg trips born 4/5/07

Ours go through cycles of good and bad too. We swat on the tushie too, mainly for continuing unsafe behavior after being told not to. (Climbing and trying to stand on the back of the couch, throwing large toys, kicking their sister in the head, etc.)

We recently went away from 1-2-3 because they were using it to ignore us for one and two. They get one warning and then time out. We also are looking for a good time out timer and I agree...a minute per year is too short...however a minute per year of them being QUIET in time out works out pretty well.

Susan

Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




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I agree with Susan's cutting out the 1-2-3 thing. I think one warning and then time out. For more severe stuff, straight to time out.

I totally understand feeling like a bad mom for using any sort of physical force on kids. It's so hard not to get angry when they repeatedly do things that you tell them not to do. And when they do unsafe harmful things, it's almost a gut-reaction to physically stop them in their tracks. I swatted Makenna on the hand the other day and angrily told her "no". She immediately burst into tears and came over to hug me. Broke my heart. I felt like the worst mom.

Really, I just think that early on, it's about holding them accountable for their actions, even if they don't completely understand why, because eventually it will start to sink in...hopefully.

Also, I have to remind myself to pick my battles. For example, the girls love going into the kitchen and opening all of the cabinets and taking crap out. So now we have 1 cabinet that they can destroy, but everything else is off limits. If they walk over to an off limits cabinet, I say no, and they go back to their cabinet. Mind you, their cabinet is full of MY tupperware, but it's the one cabinet they can raid. So I still have control, but they still feel like they can explore a little. All drawers are off limits right now for us. And my girls only have access to the family room, kitchen, and their playroom. I also try to make sure there is nothing at their height that they can get into that will bring them harm.


Crystal
http://familycernanec.blogspot.com/

Thanks so much for your responses!

Debbie

Debbie,

My trips, GGB, do the same things all day too. The 1-2-3 has been pretty successful, with the exception of naptime (toddler beds-UGH!). My kids still do it but now when I say 1, generally Tayllor will stop whatever it is. The girls I have to say 1,2, your about to go to time out, and then they will generally stop. With my girls if I don't add the part about going to time out they seem to end up in timeout. If I add that part as a reminder that is why I"m counting then they tend to stop. It took about a week before they really started catching on. Now when we do animal sounds my husband always asks " what does mommy say?" to which Gabriella replies "1, 2 TIME OUT!" Your kiddos are only about a month older than mine so it should work well with your kiddos. Give them some time to figure it out, and try to be very consistant. On days when I'm tired and not consistant, I pay for it the next day. : )

Cherlyn
Mom to GGB Gabriella, Isabella, and Tayllor DOB:3/2/08

Mine are a little younger than yours (about 3w) and I have yet to find their currency. I have tried counting, but the sassy one usually tells me 2 after I start counting at 1.