I'm completely stressing out over whether or not to have our 4-yr-old triplets (born in Feb. '06) start Kindergarten next year. Here is the issue:

At the suggesion of our pediatrician (yes, she's aware of these issues), I'm already seeing a family therapist to address behavioral issues with one of my boys. According to the therapist, he can not control his emotions and we're currently working together to help him with this. He's disruptive in class, very clingy, needy; the outbursts are pretty much daily.

My other two (B & G) do not have this behavioral issue, however, my B day dreams and zones out a lot. My G, who used to participate in group activities, is now more withdrawn and not participating much. She, too, is starting to get more clingy. Ugh!

Both the therapist and the school are advising that our triplets would benefit from repeating Jr. K next year. I'm being told that their issues could be a result of being born "premies," although no one is saying for sure. I'm being told there are just too many variables as to why they act the way they do, and that I need to not focus on the 'why it's happening,' but on the 'how to fix it.'

I'm also concerned about the expectations that the schools have for all kids. When I went to Kindergarten (after we discovered 'fire'), we had nap time, we played -- it was a time to socialize and work out our behavioral issues. Now, the academic pressures start in Kindergarten, making it the new 1st grade, 1st grade is really 2nd grade, and so on... The last thing I want to do is set my kids up for a lifetime of academic struggle when they're not equipped to deal with it. I don't mind some struggle - I believe that's necessary to grow, however, if the struggle is constant I'm afraid the kids will wind up resenting school and the problems will be even worse then they are now. Because of the academic pressure placed on Kindergarteners today, the therapist advised that if she had her way all kids would wait and start Kindergarten at age 6.

In addition, both the therapist and school have cited that an additional year in Jr. K would give them an opportunity to mature and to grow in size. They are, in fact, noticeably smaller in size compared to their single counterparts.

And finally, as if there was not enough stress in my life, my DH and I are not on the same page about the kids issues. My husband feels that they will eventually outgrow these issues and, to some extent, I'm sure maturity does play a role in this; however, the therapist has already proven to me that maturity is not the only issue. And before you ask, no, my husband is not involved in the therapy activities. Doesn't believe that therapy is necessary. I don't have the bandwidth to try and drag him on board, so right now he's in the corner. My focus is on the kids.

I would really appreciate any advise/resources/past experiences anyone has had with whether or not to postpone Kindergarten. I wish I knew of a specialist (therapist, doctor) who deals only with multiples who can provide insight. Anyone out there with a recommendation -- I'm all ears.

Thanks for listening,
Gloria K.

Gloria Komrosky
3X Blessed with Matthew, Rachel and Jordan

First of all, big kuddos to you for being proactive and getting your kids help early on. It sounds like the professionals all agree that holding your trio back is a good solution.
We held my oldest son back and have never regretted it. He has a late August birthday so he could have gone as a young 5 but he was very clingy and emotionally not ready. Academically, he was already way ahead, so we worried about him being bored (his teachers have done an excellent job of keeping him challenged). The one extra year of preschool really helped him mature a lot. His preschool teacher recommended holding him back and justified it this way: 'put him in at 5 and he will probably do fine but he will be a follower; put him in at 6 and he will thrive and be a leader. Plus, who wants their kids to graduate at 17?'
Good luck!
Petra
DS 08/02
DD 05/04
BBG 05/09 32.1 weeks

I was wondering if it isn't a little early to make this decision? Is there a possibility you could register for both K and Jr. K and choose over summer? Kids can go through phases and rough spots, and 6m later seem to be so much different. It would allow everyone to be sure that they are going to the correct level.


Susan

Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message

  

I'm an elementary teacher (although definitely not an expert, I have never taught K, but have taught 1st-5th). I'd say if in doubt hold back a year. Kindergarten is the best year to do it and you're not alone. Every year we have many parents choose to hold off on K. Kindergarten really has gotten incredibly academic since we were kids(not sure how I feel about that) and some kids just need that extra time before starting. You can also consider going to K and doing 2 years of K if necessary, but that isn't as common.

Jennifer
GBG 2/20/2007
@29 weeks

Thanks to all who responded. I really appreciate the input. Given that I do have time, I'm going to work with the therapist and school to focus on the behavioral issues now and hold off any final decisions until needed. In the meantime, I've successfully wrangled DH to "work with me" to come up with a solution. I'll also be contacting the schools/district to set up meetings to discuss my concerns.

Again, I'm grateful to have a place to turn to to discuss my Triplet Mom concerns.

Gloria

My triplets are now 13yo and we were faced with a similar issue. They were born at 32 weeks and my due date was about a day before the cut-off date to start kindy. We kept them in pre-k for another year and saw major growth on the maturity level. They started kindergarten at the age of 6yo.

If there is ANY doubt in your mind, postpone!


ROFLMBO....the only problem with them being a year older than their peers is that they will be getting their driver's liscences the summer before their sophmore year! Yipes! LOL!

"Just remember, you can do anything you set your mind to, but it takes action, perseverance, and facing your fears."-- Gillian Anderson

Gloria,

You might want to google Joy School. It is a program for preschoolers usually done with 3-6 children in a coop format. It recognizes that some children do not thrive being sent into the strongly academic arena of normal Kindergarten. The Joy school program teaches children but in a way that nurtures their social/emotional self foremost. I think there is also info for having one mother instructing with reimbursement by the other parents. There is a sample lesson and it is very affordable program that you can purchase in semester format.I think they have curriculum for 3, 4, and 5 year olds. My daughter is considering this for her trips and has heard excellent feedback. She has degrees in early childhood and elem. ed so I respect her opinion. Good luck in finding what is best for your children