Yesterday was Parent Observation Day at the big kids' dance school. All the kids in their class are the same age or younger. My kids were SO far behind the other kids it was almost ridiculous. They can't stand on one foot to posse, they can't chase (gallop sideways), etc. The other kids all seem to be able to do all the skills effortlessly. Not that they are prima ballerinas or dance to the music or anything, but what they are doing somewhat resembles the teacher. My kids were really trying, but their basic motor skills were just WAY behind the others.

Today, I sat in on the big kids' class at school. Again, they just seemed SO far behind the other kids. They colored turkeys - my kids scribbled everywhere (Camille is doing good when she keeps the crayon on the paper) and the other kids were individually coloring feathers different colors. They played hopscotch - my kids can't hop on one foot or throw the beanbag and even hit the board (forget aiming at a specific square). They did an egg on the spoon balance relay. I don't think my kids even understood the concept of what they were trying to do, let alone were they able to balance.

What's worse, there is a little group of girls in that class that all play together. "I'm looking through a telescope at the stars - you wanna see?" That kind of thing. My kids not only were not in the group, I can't imagine them ever playing truly WITH other kids as opposed to just beside them. And they totally do not have that type of imagination.

It's just so frustrating. We aren't behind enough for special ed. I work with them constantly on skills recommended by our PTs, OT, Easter Seals play therapist, and teachers. I work and work and work on this stuff. I have them in tons of activities hoping the variety will keep it fun but help them really improve those gross motor skills. And they have made truly phenomenal progress in the past 4 months or so.

For the first time in years, I was starting to feel good about where they were, and to relax about it a little. And then I see them next to their peers, and it looks like they are a year younger. I know I have no right to be devastated about it. I am very blessed to have 3 children who were born alive. I am very blessed that they don't have major health issues. And there are a lot of people in the therapy office who would switch problems with us in a skinny second. So I truly don't have any right to be so upset about it. It could be a LOT worse. It just caught me off guard.

I don't know why I am posting. I guess I'm not really asking a question or anything. Just needed to get this off my chest to people who hopefully will get it.

Oh - I forgot to tell you the best part. I called my mom hoping she would sympathize, and her comment was "well, what do you expect? The rest of those kids get a lot more quality one-on-one time with their parents. With 4 the same age, you just can't give your kids the attention they need." Thanks mom.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Aren't mothers wonderful!! Mine told me just yesterday what colors I do NOT look good in and should not be wearing. Thank you mother! Try to blow it off and consider the source. Did your mother raise triplets plus one? No. Enough said.

Please don't be discouraged by your trio's maturity level. Every child, triplet or not, progresses at their own pace. I know it's hard not to compare your kids with others, but try to remember they are individuals that will be able to do all those things the other kids do in their own time.

I recently came across the web site of another triplet family and their adorable BBG trips are about 6 months younger than my GGBs. Their triplets already count to 10, know their ABCs, can ride bikes and are completely potty trained. Mine aren't even close to counting past 3, are all over the map on their ABCs, haven't yet mastered how to manipulate the pedals on a tricycle and we're about 4 months into potty training and they're still in Pull-ups.

I keep telling myself that I don't care, because these particular triplets, Caroline, Erin and Robbie are all mine and I love just they way they are.

Joan
mom to Caroline, Erin and Robbie
born 9/26/05 @ 35 weeks
visit us at http://www.babyhomepages.net/greenetriplets

here's one thought to keep in mind- you have yours in the classes to help improve their motor skills and not because it's an activity they are good at. other parents may likely have their kids in the classes because their kids may be already good at and really work at that one thing (such as dance or art).

as far as the art- my one ds colors very intently and carefully in the lines, will make feathers of various colors etc. my other ds will scribble on the page, pure scribble. my dd will color very heavily (press so firmly) until she covers every inch of a picture. they all hold their crayon/marker differently, and they are 3 siblings. they are not behind in motor skills at all, they just have different interests and priorities with things. same as you will see in a class.

one ds can hop around an entire room on one foot. another will fall over if trying to do it that long or have to stop after a hop or two.

my kids play well with each other and I think don't see the need to make other friends like non-multiples do. our multiples already have their best friends. that said, I am finally, at close to age 4, seeing them get interested in playing with other kids.

my one ds that scribbles is great at letters/words/reading. my dd that would have zero ballerina skills is wonderful at puzzles. my other ds has terrific jumping/hopping/writing skills.

it's hard not to compare, but every child is truly so different in what they enjoy and work at and are good at. remember even babies are different- some will work hard at their crawling while another may be working on babbling or touching.

and it sounds like they are enjoying their classes, really trying, and really learning. so kudos to you for giving them the boost that they need. and as far as your mom, I'd think more that the kids may have several older siblings that they learn from more than getting 100% one on one time! many families have more than one child.

Mary

born 12/12/04 33w2d

If your kids seem to be a year behind then hold them back a year and they will no longer be the smallest kids in the class. I do not compare my children to other 4.5 year olds, I in fact try not to compare them to other kids at all. They are individuals and will progress on their own time. I also do not put my kids in tons of activities, dance etc, they are just now 4.5 years old, they plaed soccer for the first time this past fall. Kalie has yet to take dance, we will in the spring.

My childern will not go to Kindgerain next year, why they are not ready, their fine and gross motor skills are not there, so they will do GA Pre K or early 5's, then go to Kindg when they are six, the nerve of me holding them back, the truth of the matter is that if I put them in school next year they will fall futher behind because they are not ready and they will get frustrated.

BBG Triplets Born March 31, 2004
31 weeks three days
Douglas
Kalie and
John Michael

If your kids seem to be a year behind then hold them back a year and they will no longer be the smallest kids in the class. I do not compare my children to other 4.5 year olds, I in fact try not to compare them to other kids at all. They are individuals and will progress on their own time. I also do not put my kids in tons of activities, dance etc, they are just now 4.5 years old, they plaed soccer for the first time this past fall. Kalie has yet to take dance, we will in the spring.

My childern will not go to Kindgerain next year, why they are not ready, their fine and gross motor skills are not there, so they will do GA Pre K or early 5's, then go to Kindg when they are six, the nerve of me holding them back, the truth of the matter is that if I put them in school next year they will fall futher behind because they are not ready and they will get frustrated.

BBG Triplets Born March 31, 2004
31 weeks three days
Douglas
Kalie and
John Michael

Your kids are really close in age to mine, so this is what I am thinking. Even though they are in age 3 and up class, mine turned three right before class started and were a bit less mature than others in the class. They are younger. I know only by months or less than a year, but their age could still be counted in months, they are so young still. Each month counts at this point is what I am trying to say.

My boys still color all over the place, fyi. No worries here. As long as it buys me 10 mins quiet time, they can color how ever the heck they want to, LOL.

No imagination play here either. Never occurred to me until the other day that I never did it until a mom at the play ground gave them an "air" banana and my guy just laid on the floor in disappointment of it not being the real thing. I had never realized I never pretended with them before.

The other things you mentioned, mine aren't ON it either. The more our kids are exposed to these new things (aiming to throw, hopping on one foot, egg race) the more they will get it. Think of it as a new card game. At first you have no idea what to do with these cards you have used hundreds of times before, but when you use them a new way, and learn a new game with them, it takes time for you to find the rhythm and then to succeed at the game.

Your kids have come far in the past few months, don't let this discourage you. Instead just realize how great it was for you to put them in these situations that they are getting exposed to now. We can't do it all. People with one kid can't either.

Laura & Don
BBB 5/05
www.ourbighappy.blogspot.com

"

Don't be discouraged. This is the reason you have them in all these classes. Good for you. You are giving them a tremendous advantage. Imagine where they would be if you WEREN'T working with them. They will progress. It will be amazing.

The only thing I can suggest for improving imaginative play is they must be given the room and independence to come up with the stuff on their own. In other words, while I'm typing this, I had given mine a little cereal snack before bed. But instead of eating it, they've gotten out the pipe cleaners and they are making bracelets. Gregory is putting his on his head and saying he's a prince. The girls are bringing theirs to their teachers tomorrow. Now there is a bunch of cereal on the floor and I could have gone in there and put a stop to that, but I think it's kind of cool that they thought to do it on their own. And it's imaginitive. So I have to sweep. I'll live.

Do you see what I'm saying though? You've got to let them go and let them figure stuff out on their own, in addition to all the other stuctured stuff you have them in. Mine have been outside playing on their own since they were very small. They have whole imaginary worlds out there and I have nothing do with it. Sometimes I'm sad that I'm not, but it's their imaginary world. Sometimes they invite me in it, but mostly they don't.

They are going to be okay. It may just take a little longer, but you will see. I disagree with your mother on EVERY level.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I'm sorry you are so discouraged. However, you said yourself that your kids have made big gains in the last few months. Whatever you are doing is obviously working. It is just going to take more time than you would like.

In the imagination area, I think you can really help your kids. You can initiate more role play and pretend play. My kids like the zoo. A few months ago we somehow started pretending they were zoo animals in the back yard. I don't remember exactly how it started but it is fun for them. We would pretend there were monkeys swinging from the trees, etc. At first the kids would look at me like I was crazy. The last time we went out to play they initiated the game and kept it going with very little help from me.

You can also relax some of the toy rules to foster their imagination. I know from previous posts that there are a lot of toys you only allow them to play with one at a time. As my kids get more toys with small parts I can appreciate how that would cut down on the clutter. However, when they can use toys for cross play it helps their imagination. I can't tell you how many toys my kids have used for something other than their actual purpose. Last week the spatuala from the toy kitchen and a wooden musical toy turned in to tools to "fix" their ride on car. The wooden shape puzzle pieces have been everything from food to lucky coins. Once again, you may need to initiate some of this, but I'll bet your kids start doing it on their own soon if you give them a nudge in the right direction.

ETA: Forgot to say, your mom is totally wrong. You clearly give your kids tons of attention. Whatever problems they are having is not because your kids are the same age or don't have enough time with their parents.

Lori

http://yesidohavemyhandsfull.blogspot.com/

Hey, Megan!

Can I tell you what I'm seeing in your post??

First, your kiddos are only 3.5 years old. And, if I'm remembering correctly, they haven't been involved in dance all that long yet. Caeleigh has been in dance for about two years now -- and, until the past six months, she was still not a "dancer." But, she used to have some spasticity associated with being a preemie, and the dancing has done away with that!! Yippee!!! My point is that: (a) she got value from the dance classes that I never anticipated; and, (b) she has since become a dancer; and, (c) our children come along at their own rate of development.

Another thing: Neither of my children was particularly good at playing with other children (other than each other, that is) until they were about 4.5 years old. Last year when they were turning 4, the kids in their class were a full year older and the differences in play approaches were astronomical. You'll be amazed at the changes you'll be seeing in the next year. Your children will become more interactive -- it's a function of age.

Finally: Your mother doesn't seem to understand your needs and/or the effort you are putting forth. Feel sorry for her. I don't think I'd want to be in her shoes when she is called upon to answer for how she has treated you.

It sounds to me like you're giving your children all kinds of special time and attention and really working with them. It also sounds to me like they're doing just fine. Keep up the good work!

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

"Neither of my children was particularly good at playing with other children (other than each other, that is) until they were about 4.5 years old."

I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear someone else say this. My girls do NOT play with other kids, they just look at them like "Why are you invading my space???"

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

Thank you all SO MUCH for your words of encouragement, it really does make me feel SO SO much better.

Thank you also for your suggestions for ways to help in our weaker areas, especially pointing out the things that my type-A personality was completely missing (ie playing with tons of different toys at one time, being encouraged to play on their own in the manner they choose, etc.). I am going to write myself a sticky note for the kitchen wall to see daily and try to relax about these things. A messy house is certainly a small price to pay to help them.

As for holding them back, we definitely will be doing that. Our plan is to keep them in the 3yr this year, the 4yr next year, and then to have them do another 4 year program or a TK program the following year.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Just a suggestion, we are holding ours back in the 3, I never thought of it until someone mentioned it to me and this way they will be the "older" kids for the 2 years and will be in the 4's class with kids they will go to kindergarten with.

HTH

Jennifer

As for the imaginative play..I am VERY type A, but so relaxed on this, my kids have TONS of imaginative play all day and I contribute this to letting them have access to almost everything and like the previous poster said, they just starting "fixing" their ride on toys with all the different utentsils they have, they will open up their stuffed animals where the batteries go in and "fix" them and sure I want to say "don't do that, you will break it", but who cares, if they break it, they hvae a million other toys to play with.

I think we as mothers tend to worry so much about our kids that we really pick up on the areas where they are not keeping up and just breeze past the areas where they excel.

My kids do tons of pretend play - so what do I do? I worry that they seem incapable of sitting down and doing "individual play". Most of the toys we buy sit moldering in a closet because they would rather get a bunch of blankets and cushions and build a fort.

My kids love art and music - so what do I do? I worry that they aren't very good at puzzles and for the life of them can't figure out how to assemble a toy train set.

My kids make up the greatest stories and songs off the top of their heads - so what do I do? I worry that they don't know all of their letters and numbers and can't write their names yet.

Our kids seem to have somewhat opposite areas of strength so I thought it might be interesting for you to hear that I worry about the things your kids are probably very good at! So, at the end of the day probably neither one of us needs to worry as much as we do

Most likely, our kids will do an extra year of preschool next year to give them time to catch up on some of the concrete areas where they are behind. But that's fine with me, what's the hurry anyways. I think the areas our kids excel at is partially their personality but also very much a result of what we parents emphasize. So, I have been trying to spend more time with puzzles, trains, building sets (even if it bores me to tears). And as others have posted, you can definitely work on creative play by suggesting ideas to the kids. Some of the things my kids love:

- parades are awesome. they can wear costumes, use instruments, be animals, whatever. One day we made silly hats and then had a parade.
- anything that involves making a mess is always fun - forts, tents, sleepovers in the playroom or bedrooms.
- they love to play campout we either set up a real tent in the playroom or use sheets. It is the best at night and then turn out most of the lights and use flashlights
- playing band, DH made the kids a stage last year and they pretend they are a band and make up songs.
- puppets are always good.
- even at age 4 nothing beats clearing out mommy's kitchen cabinets and banging on pots and pans with wooden spoons.
- we have art drawers that the kids can access and use any time during the day (except for paints). they come up with the best projects on their own.

Now, maybe you can tell me how you have encouraged your kids in their strong areas. I could definitely use some new ideas!

Marsha
mom to Nick, Hannah and Paige born July 15, 2004

Megan~

At the age your kids are now, mine were very similar to what you described. We finished all the official PT/OT, etc at age 3 and just continued to work with them at home on my own with the things the therapists had taught me. They remained in library class and then went to swimming lessons for the summer.

At 3.5 yrs, they behaved very much like you are describing across the board. I can tell you that 6 months later when they turned 4, they had major changes in their physical abilities and social skills.

The girls are 4.5 y/o now and the difference between now and a year ago is phenomenal, and at times shocking especilly for Emily. They only recently learned to hopscotch. I put them in ballet and tap this year, and though there are some minor balance issues, the girls are doing very well. As for playing with other kids, I could see changes over the summer and now they are remarkable. Emily began speaking in full sentences all the time when she turned 4. And, her social skills are so much better now.

Give them time. You will be amazed at what they do across the next 6 motnhs and one year marks. Just keep doing what you are already doing.

As for the remark your mom made....that would have seriously made me feel hurt and angry. I don't believe her statement to be true. In comparison with the singleton moms/dads in our classes and activities, I spend way more time with my kids and do so many more interactive, 'quality' things with them than those parents do. They even comment on how much more I do than them. While there is truth in the fact that you have 4 children (3 the same age) and face unique challenges that a singleton parent might not face in trying to divide your time among your children, it is a complete myth to think that you can't or don't give your children the attention they need. You and I have shared many posts and emails across the last 3 years. I know how much you have done and how much you have been there for your children.

Once you have a few days to put your thoughts together, I think you may need to talk to your mom about all that you do and how wonderful your children are. They benefit greatly from your parenting. It doesn't guarantee she'll agree or understand why her comments bothered you, but I think it's important for you to have confidence in yourself and for you to be able to hold your own with comments like that. She may not have realized what she said or the impact it made on you.

Keep us updated. And just keep telling your kids how great they are doing and keep moving forward.

Melissa

Wife to my best friend
Mom to GGG
05-04