I'm just curious about this. We went to my IL's today for my niece's b-day party. My DH's sister is nothing but a bossy butt face. Ok...that's not nice, I know, I know. But geez.

Now, I've posted about my IL's in the past & how DH's sister is very selfish & hates if she or her kids have attention taken away from them. I love them, and it could be worse, but sometimes it drives me nuts! Well her kids usually act up pretty good. They are 6 & 7. They have always been in my kids' faces & right on their heels, when we go visit. So, my kiddos have been knocked down several times. There is someone who is constantly going in "the naughty spot" several times. Speaking of which, why do people call it the naughty spot? Just sounds preverted to me.

We were in the spare bedroom...me, my MIL, SIL, niece & my kids. Me & all the kids were dancing. We sat down & rested. My DS, Jasper, was opening & closing the bedroom door. He wasn't slamming it into the wall or anything like that. They are just in the phase now where they open & close things. She looked at him & said, "Stop it, right now." Well he did again & again. Mind you, they only see her maybe once a month & I'm sure he was like, "who is she telling me what to do?" It wasn't bothering anyone else.

She leans over & points at him & with the meanest, ugliest face says, "Jasper...I said to Stop it!" Jasper lip quivered & he lost it. He went over to my MIL & she said, "what's wrong Jasper?" SIL said, "I told him to stop opening & closing the door & he didn't listen." MIL said, "Well, Rachel...he's not hurting anyone."

I'm pissed at myself because I just sat there & didn't say anything to her (which is what I always do). I mean, if my kid's in the wrong, I'll call him out. And if he was doing something mean, I'd let him know. Was it right for her to discipline him? One of my sisters twin boys is a little bit of a bully. They are a year older than the trips. And I do say something to him if he is pushing my kids. But Lord, I don't glare & point & say it mean. I usually say, "Will? Don't push Jonah please...that isn't very nice."

What are your thoughts? Do you discipline other people's kids?

Check us out at:
http://thewrighttrips.blogspot.com/

Isabel, Jasper & Jonah were born on July 1, 2006

And my twin angels in heaven ~
Olivia Layne - 2/13/05
Elijah Cain - 2/13/05

I would never do something like that to someone else's kids. I have said things to kids in certain situations. It was more like "I don't think your mom would like you to do that" or to ask them to play nice or be careful around my kids. She was way over the line. I would be really pissed off if someone else disciplined my kids in that situation.

Lori

http://yesidohavemyhandsfull.blogspot.com/

I do if necessary. Not meanly though. She could have redirected him if it was annoying. That's what I would have done.

"Okay. I think the door is getting tired, let's look at this."

But what I would have done in that situation if I had been you is gone over and redirected him myself after she asked him to stop doing it and he kept doing it anyway. Especially if I knew she was a hot head.

Some people have little tolerance for that sort of stuff and she's obviously one of them. I would have been polite and just got him to stop doing it.

I think you have a right to be mad at her tone, but at the same time I would just remember that some people don't really get kids. Even people that have them.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I probably wouldn't yell but I don't think it would bother me. I would definitely stop a child from opening and shutting doors because I have rushed a kid at my school to the ER when his finger got caught in a closing door. My kids love to open and close doors but I always think that someone's finger will get caught so maybe she thought somebody could get hurt. I am definitely more of a "it takes a village" type. I was raised to listen to adults, period and now kids are raised so differently from that. I think it is a good lesson for your children that they have to listen to all adults. Her tone might have been too nasty but I still think it was a learning opportunity for your kids.

Stefanie

Mom to BGB
33 weeks 6 days
3/3/07

It depends on the situation. Complete strangers' kids? Not unless absolutely nessecary. People I know-My neighbor and I are really good friends. She has 4 kids, I have the triplets, and we are back and forth at each other's houses a lot. We both get get on to each other's kids if we need to, but there is no animosity about it. I guess b/c we both know that neither of us means anything bad by it.

Your SIL sounds like she was a little ugly about the way she talked to him. I would have a problem with that. I wouldn't have a problem with someone I am close to correcting one of my kids in a respectful way. In fact, I'd probably welcome it b/c I get tired of saying no all the time. However, if you already have a tense relationship w/ your SIL, I can see how it would make you mad.

I don't think she did anything wrong correcting him, but if she was rude about it, I would address it. Ask her if she needs to correct one of your kids, please be nicer about it next time.

Jenny
single mom to spontaneous BBB 34w 2d

http://lilypie.com>

I think she could have been nicer. She could have redirected, or phrased it as some other pp suggested. She could have asked you to get him to stop if it was bothering her that much.

I had to laugh at your naughty bench comment. I SO agree with you...it sounds weird! ha ha. I never use naughty as my word for being bad. I just say " stop it, you are acting ugly, or something like that! According to the "experts" using words like bad is supposed to damage their self esteem ( give me a break!)

I don't discipline (spank, send to corner, take away a priviledge, etc.) anyone else's kids, but I will correct them if:

1) they are doing something that is openly naughty (an offense that everyone would agree on). Nicely though. "Jacob, you knocked James down. That's not a nice thing to do to your friend. Tell him you are sorry." And held him by the upper arm beside James until he did it. and
2) it's family or close friends.

I agree that your child did disobey his aunt, and because of that, some sort of correction was needed. However, mean ugly faces are not productive. Given that you were right there, when your child disobeyed his aunt I think YOU should have stepped in and said "Jasper, Aunt C told you to stop opening and closing the door. I need you to stop now."

I think the point is not the seriousness of the door opening/closing, but instead the fact that he disrespected authority.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I think that if you think she is a jerk, then it is really no surprise she is a jerk to your kids.

On one hand she was rude to your kid, no doubt about it, but sounds like your mom put her in her place. Some times it is good for kids to be around other temperaments and other adults. IMO it is important for them to know adults have the authority and they should listen, depending on age of course.

Even though my brother is tougher on his kids, I think it is okay for him to tell my kids what is okay and what isn't. I had uncles (aunts, a grandparent, etc) that as a kid I knew to steer clear of and I really think it helped me as a got older being able to read people and what they are about. Difficult teachers, bosses, co workers, they can all be a pita.

In the scheme of things, I don't think it was a big deal. I think it is okay for other people to tell my kids not to do things. Generally I will stand by and let it be, but if it is excessive I would say something.

My sil is one who doesn't like anyone to tell her kids not to do things and I promise you her kids are the ones doing things behind her back and roll their eyes at others who tell them to stop. Their parents taught them no one but them has authority. Teachers can't do anything, grandparents have no so over anything since the discipline is challeneged by mom and dad as soon as they hear about it. Having kids like that are my biggest fear.

But there is extremes either way. Good luck!

Laura & Don
BBB 5/05
www.ourbighappy.blogspot.com

"

I'da gone ape #### on her if it was me. I don't have a problem with someone close to my kids letting them know what they're doing is wrong, but to do that? I don't even do that to my own children, why would I let anyone else do it???

If I see a child close to me doing something I know they shouldn't be or harming someone else, then I say something. I have raised my voice at a kid at a birthday party recently. This kid was just a terror and picking on every kid at the party. Mom was doing NOTHING about it and he was ready to kick/push my daughter off the top of a playground thing. I got all over him about that, since he was putting my child in danger. Then I told the kids that we were leaving. They knew by my tone that I'd had enough and they better high tail it outta there. It was ridiculous! But some people just don't parent their children.

But to answer your question, yes, I would if the child was close enough to me and it was necessary. But unncessary, no.

ETA: by close enough, I mean knowing them well or family.


Michelle

Tyler 17 1/2 years!!
Steph 15 1/2 years!!
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 3 1/2 years!!
http://triplethefunplus2.blogspot.com/

I'd say...give her a good punch in the face! I'm kidding! I just read this after having a hellish day! I would definitely say something. I do ask my nieces and nephews to do or not do stuff but nothing like that. More like, "Please stop .....whatever it is." In a pretty stern voice though. It's also MY sisters kids though, not my dh's sister. HTH.

Crazy mom to:
DS 10
DS 7
& BBB 5!
9/29/06 born @ 32w2d

I didn't read the other responses. In this case I would have reinforced SIL's first scolding myself, "Jasper, Auntie said to stop." It is a silly thing, but I'd want them to follow Auntie's silly rules in her house KWIM? I don't mind my relatives and in-laws scolding the kids, but they are all pretty great people--I'd feel differently if they weren't.

Aloha,
Kelli
BBB 6/4/06 @ 29wks 4 days
GG 4/30/09

Hey, sweetie!

It sounds like Rachel was wired for sound. And, it also sounds like your son was defiant towards her when she asked him to stop -- but, he is a little guy doing what a little guy his age would be doing. So, it seems to me that Rachel has some major control issues going. After all, who does something like she did? Her mistake? She threw down the gauntlet in the first place, and then lost her cool. Isn't it great to know that our toddlers not only make jack-asses out of us, they can do it to other people too??

And, it sounds to me like you were wise to hold your peace and let Rachel's mother address her actions.

If Rachel ever steps in and "instructs" one of your children again, though, and they openly flaunt the fact that she has been an idiot in thinking that she has the right to direct their actions, I would recommend that you step in and quietly call your child over to you for a snuggle, thereby eliminating the behavior without taking a stance. If you do this, not only will your child stop whatever she perceives to be "offensive" behavior, but you'll also be telling her to back off...without ever saying a word to her.

At church, we do sort of share the kids and if one of the kids is doing something that needs to stop, we will find a way of gently redirecting, even if the child is not our's. Last Sunday, for example, was my turn to serve lunch. I had my children helping me put together the dessert trays, and I was supervising their efforts while some of the other ladies were helping me in the kitchen to put together the meat trays. When the "boys" realized that my kids were in the fellowship area and that we had Red Vines, they began crawling under the tables and messing the chairs up and trying to "help" us with the Red Vines -- with dirty little hands. I quietly reached in and grabbed a handful of Red Vines (yeah, I know you thought I was gonna' say a handful of one of the boys!! hahahaha), and handed each boy a Red Vine as he crawled out from under the table. Then I told them, "Okay boys! Take your candy and head downstairs for Sunday school." The boys were all glad to get the candy and they all heard that I meant that it was time to exit. They were gracious and obeyed, and I was also very kind to them.

I guess what I'm saying is that I showed them respect; I was quiet and peaceful; and, they were happy to comply. Also, I didn't draw any nasty lines in the sand, and if they had not obeyed me, I would not have put myself in the position of feeling like they were flaunting my "authority," which I never really had in the first place. This was Rachel's big mistake.

Frankly, under the circumstances, I probably would have slapped her. How dare she talk to your children that way.
But, I would also talk to my children about respecting adults, even when they don't deserve to be respected as the result of how they have treated us.

Anyway, I applaud the fact that you bit your lip, and I also applaud your MIL's response to the situation. She's a very wise lady and I'm sure she understood how you were feeling about things.

I think the real problem here is: glaring, pointing, and being mean. Those things are never acceptable and they are unfair and cruel, especially when dealing with young children.

Good luck. Oh, and I still have my handy dandy spatula. When I finish up with the school in Nevada for Laraine, I would be happy to go "have a word" with Rachel. (Gosh this spatula has been empowering!!)

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

"Good luck. Oh, and I still have my handy dandy spatula. When I finish up with the school in Nevada for Laraine, I would be happy to go "have a word" with Rachel. (Gosh this spatula has been empowering!!)"

I'm dying laughing, Cat! Thanks for those words. You hit the nail on the head with all of that.

Check us out at:
http://thewrighttrips.blogspot.com/

Isabel, Jasper & Jonah were born on July 1, 2006

And my twin angels in heaven ~
Olivia Layne - 2/13/05
Elijah Cain - 2/13/05

Thanks for your advice mama's! I really appreciate it. I do believe I should have called Jasper over to me. I shouldn't have even given her the opportunity to discipline him. And I definitely do want my kids to respect adults. I sure as crap don't want defiant little hellions on my hands. Thanks again!

Check us out at:
http://thewrighttrips.blogspot.com/

Isabel, Jasper & Jonah were born on July 1, 2006

And my twin angels in heaven ~
Olivia Layne - 2/13/05
Elijah Cain - 2/13/05