I seriously need a nap after I get them off to school. And we're not talking hustling around in the morning! We go in the afternoon!

It seems no matter how well thought out my plans are, one kid in particular just controls the situation and pushes everything to the limit!

I guess my title should be: Do you have 2 agreeable triplets and 1 maddening one?

Two of my kids get dresses dilgently. They eat. They brush their teeth. They let me put bows in their hair.

The other kid waits until the last minute and then we're scrambling. She's running the show, no doubt about it. But, if I really, really try to win, she's screaming and crying! So, really it's my fault because I do give in.

And don't even get me started on what she wants to wear. She wants to have Janice Joplin hair and an outfit like Madonna in Like a Virgin.

Why does she fight me?

Lisa

Lisa

Why does she fight me?
Why, to push your buttons of course. That is part of the reason our children are brought to us - to trigger our stuff and force us to deal! It is maddening though - I hear you on that!

One thing I realized lately is that when I say something, I do not always "own" it. So when I say no - sometimes the kids can sense when they can wriggle around it. I see one mom I know who really owns what she says - so her kids know when they need to tow the line. Not sure if this pertains to you, but it is what I thought of reading your post.

GL
Suzanne
Proud mommy to Seamus, Brendan and Casey 4/17/00

That sounds soo familiar, Lisa! We have the same situation in our house. Two agreeable kids and one "challenge" kid. I've had to learn to let go BIG TIME and let her make her own choices (or at least THINK she's making them...ha ha). For example, maybe you could do something like this...the day or night before you start this new strategy, you could say...Sweetie, Mommy realizes I've been making a big mistake. You are old enough now to make your own choices. First, YOU will choose what outfit to wear the night before (give her only 2-3 choices that you have predetermined) but you cannot change your mind once you've decided. Second, lunch time is from 11:00 - 11:20 (or whatever time you determine) and if YOU choose not to be at the table and eat, then I guess YOU choose not to have lunch before school. (Remove the lunch after the designated time.) Hair brushing time is x:xx, and mommy's departure time is x:xx. Now, YOU may choose to be in the car when mommy is ready to leave, or you may choose to have me carry you to the car, but mommy has to leave so as not to make sisters late. If you choose not to have shoes on, or not be dressed, etc. we can always carry them in a bag and you can certainly put them on in the bathroom at school. I'm sure your teacher will understand. Sweetie, I know you'll make good choices tomorrow when we get ready for school because mommy is not going to yell or nag at you anymore. I'll give you just a few gentle reminders since you're such a big girl now. (Maybe you can post the lunch, hair, and out the door times by a digital clock since she probably can't tell time yet.)

I've done these things for my daughter lately and they've worked well. Most of the ideas I've gotten from the book titled "Love and Logic" see www.loveandlogic.com there are some GREAT tips for letting 'natural consequences' do the disciplining so you can keep your cool when kids misbehave. It's great!

Good luck Lisa! Hope this info helps!

Sincerely,
Katy
mom to Kara, Libby, Drew
almost 7 years old

Hey, Lisa. How 'bout this one:

Choose out their clothes the evening before, and let them make the choices -- unless it involves a strapless corset and garter belt. Then, simply have them get dressed "for their day" right after breakfast and brushing their teeth. You'll have avoided the messiest part of the day, but will have also have separated the "getting dressed for school" from school time. That way, if the ringmaster tries to run the show, she won't be able to push any of your buttons. After all, she can spend her three hours playing the "dressing game," or she can enjoy playing a game with you and her siblings, or coloring, or...?

'Hope this helps.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.