Hi, Our bbb triplets will be ten on the 19th of November. They are happy social kids who are doing well in school and out. My problem (if it is one) is that my husband and I are not too happy with the kids in our neighborhood. There are 4 or 5 kids around the same age who are out on their bikes unsupervised, riding on busy street, half with no helmets, etc. We are not comfortable with just letting our kids go off unattended. Here lies the problem. Now the kids don't really ask them to play anymore. Do they really need to play with other kids? They play well with two other kids their same age every day (their brothers) and we know where they are, what they are doing and that they are safe. When I see the other kids ride by playing it breaks my heart that my kids are not playing with them but I know I can't have it both ways. I should add it does not seem to bother my boys at all. So, how important is it for them to have other friends at this age and are we doing them a dis-service by limiting what they do?

I appreciate your comments!

Linda
Aeron, Ethan & Austyn's Mom
11-19-99

I have a similar issue with SOME of the children in my neighborhood as well. I believe it IS important for your boys to have friends. They have been together since before they were born. They need to explore other relationships.

Are there classmates that you approve of? Playdates! That's how I handle the friendships! Find out who your boys like in school...call their parents and arrange a time for the friend and the parent to come over your house. I ALWAYS went to the first playdates...I had to size up the mom, the house, etc. before I would ever let my children go there by themselves.

Hope this helps...good luck!

Trio Di Mio
BGG born @ 36 weeks

The issue I have with playdates is that no one has quite figured out that they can invite one and not all three! I invite kids to come over but when it is my kids going to someone elses house it is always the three of them.

Yes and yes.

If you don't want to turn them loose, invite the other kids to YOUR house. I think it is very important for them to have other friends and to see that everyone is different and learn that other families have different rules.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I have a similar issue for a different reason. We live in a small town so there are not a ton of kids - and play has to be arranged as we are not in a neighborhood. It just seems life is so busy that the rare "free" day - we just want to be with our family. I know I need to push myself to have more play dates, but it is tough. I also feel like they need time 1:1 with friends (not always with their brothers) and a few people have picked up on this and invited one over but most think they need to have all 3 and therefore rarely invite them. I have thought of having 3 kids over but it would not necessarily end up being the ones who invited play with the one they invited (make sense?). Could just be a big boy party and someone left out! It takes motivation to do this for us triplet moms as we do not have that bored kid asking for a friend over!

I would stick to your guns about the influences but make playdates to encourage friendship. Thanks for the reminder too!

Suzanne
Proud mommy to Seamus, Brendan and Casey 4/17/00

As kids get older, friends start having more influence on them then we do. I think your instincts are 100% right as far as NOT encouraging your kids to play with kids who you are not comfortable with. And if your kids are not bothered by it, then that is even more reason to not worry about them missing out on playing with the neighbor kids.
I agree that they need to play with other kids, but find ones you are comfortable with and have them come to your house. Maybe when you talk to the other kid's mom you can mention just one of your boys. "Aeron would love to have _____ over." That might help the other moms to see that you don't treat them as a group but instead as individuals. It may take a few conversations like that but most will soon pick-up on the fact that you don't expect a reciprical invite for all three.

Shell~
B/B/G 1/7/2000