How do you all handle playdates? My kids have gotten a number of invitations to go over to their new 1st grade school friends' houses this year, but I don't know these parents, or their homes! I offer to have those kids come here (I figure if the parents are ok with their kids going to some stranger's home, that's fine by me...*I* know that I'm safe and our house is safe!), and sometimes that works out. When this happens, though, then it is the school friend playing with all 3 of my kids and this is not allowing each of my kids to build friendships individually, plus my kids are always asking why they can't do more playdates.

We've also done the "let's meet at XXXX" after school with the families, but it's not as convenient and it is still my 3 with the 1 school friend.

It's just darn awkward to have parents continually ask if 1 of my kids can come over and for me to keep making excuses. For a few of these situations, it is because I don't know the parents. FOr 2 other families, it is because I DO know the parents and they don't have the same level of interest in their child's safety that I have (and this is a nice way of saying I don't trust the parents).

How do you all handle this?

Thanks,
ask
ggb at 30 weeks

I haven't had anyone ask me yet for just one child, but I have gotten to know the parents well enough now that I would let one go over. I usually have four or five over at our house a couple times a week. Then all four of mine go over to one playmates house once a week.

When the four or five kids are at my house, I really don't see them. They are outside in the trampoline or playing soccer in our backyard. One day I found them on top of the six foot wall, getting pomegranates from the neighbor's yard and eating them. They climb trees. They ride electric scooters and bikes in our driveway. They pretty much run in and out the whole time. One of the boys told his mom that being at our house was the best day of his entire LIFE.

I have specifically not invited any kids who parents are uptight. There is one little girl they want over all the time, but she is an only child and her mother would probably have a heart attack, and it would be too much work for me to watch her every minute.

I would just keep inviting the kids that are similar to the way you parent over. Those are the kids you will want your kids hanging out with anyway.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

If I don't know the family well enough I don't let mine go. We recently got an invite for a sleep over birthday party for the boys. The mom I think is a stripper. The boys teenage sister had a baby (he said she was 13...not sure if the age is right...but she was definitely in high school). This boy told my son in kindergarten that lice on your penis is called crabs! Ummmmm ya my kids are not EVER going to your house! LOL He did come to our house once. Cute little boy...but knows way to much for his age! Sad really. It's funny too. Because the time he came here. The parents had no idea who I was or where I lived. They just dropped him off and drove away! I couldn't believe it.

I think you just have to go with your gut. Let the mom know what you are comfortable with and not. Recently on DS got invited for a playdate. I know the mom enough from school that I said yes. I did tell her I wasn't comfortable with the kids playing around the neighborhood. I know some parents let their kids roam the hood and I just don't do that. She said she didn't do that either and the boys would be at her house in or outside in the yard. So I was glad about that.

One thing that did happen at one of my good friends house. My boys were there for a playdate. The boy has an older brother. Well a couple of months after the playdate my kids were talking about shooting a BB gun. I was like "What BB gun and when did you ever shoot one?". They told me that they were in the older brothers room shooting the BB gun at the wall!!!!! I wasn't too happy about that! We had a looooong conversation about guns (even BB guns) and how if they are at a friends house and there is a gun they are NOT to go near it and to call me right away! Sorry....call me a helicopter mom but I read too many stories of little boys playing with guns and someone gets shot! UGH....


Terri~
12/21/01 at 33 weeks

OH MY GOD. Crabs and strippers and GUNS? You are freaking me out! All the kids in my neighborhood are Mormon. They don't know ANYTHING. Their idea of mischief is turning the hose on making mud pies. Good grief. I don't think you could remotely be called a helicopter parent.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Michele I swear I almost had a heart attack when my DS told me about the crabs.

It was like month 2 of kindergarten. We had gotten the dreaded "lice Letter" from school. So the next day I am putting DD's hair back in a pony tail. She was giving me a hard time wanted to wear her hair down. So I said. "no honey, the teachers said all the girls have to wear their hair pulled back...you don't want to get lice do you?!". So DS chimes in........"Well.....did you know that if you have lice on your penis it's called crabs?!"

OMG.....my chin nearly hit the floor! LMAO!! I about died! I was like "WHAT???". He says "Welllll that is what Angelo said"!


Note to self.....kids will never play at Angelo's house!!!! LOL

Btw....I live in South Florida....we have such a variety of people here! You never know what you are going to get around here! LOL


Terri~
12/21/01 at 33 weeks

I'm in Las Vegas, the stripper capital of the free world. In fact, I went up against the school board last year before mine even started because they wanted to bus kids in from behind Chinatown, which has a large concentration of Asian massage parlors, which are fronts for human trafficking and prostitution. I won because our school board trustee lives in our neighborhood and I went TO HER HOUSE.

We still have kids bused in from some pretty bad areas though. But what I'm finding is that they get bused home and then the kids that are left are the ones that actually live in our neighborhood and we are an old school Nevada neighborhood, where kids act exactly like kids, building forts and riding bikes. The worst thing that has happened to us is that we were invited to church. Heck, I had to go out and buy knee length shorts just to join the PTA because I'm the only non-Mormon that is heavily involved in school functions. Although I would be the last person on earth to convert, I really like them. All the moms stay-at-home and the kids are taught to be so nice and respectful.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

We've been invited to birthday parties for friends in their class.

I've been getting to know a few Moms since last summer and I can't tell you how much fun it's been and how much I trust them.

I feel like we're on the same page, we're like minded Moms, we're not strippers and we've been having a great time becoming friends.

I think it takes some time and effort to be really sure, KWIM?

I feel like there's been a lot of social situations and times when we've chatted that have kind of laid the groundwork for trust. I could count on these Moms to help me out or babysit my kids and the feeling is mutual.

For the parents who keep asking your kids to come over and you're unsure, keep on being unsure! I'm sure they're nice and if your kids went over for a playdate, it would go great, but if you need more time to be sure, take it.

Lisa

we do one-on-one playdates. in these cases, I have met/known the mom as well though. I wouldn't just let my kid go over someone's house I didn't know. that child would be welcome here though. if he/she was just dropped off and the parent didn't at least come in for awhile to check me out and the house etc, I definitely wouldn't let mine go over their house.

my kids have each picked one or two friends (that I approved of), and that's what we've concentrated on. when someone has a friend over, they get the playroom and are left alone (meaning no one bothers them). the other two either play in the living room, or since it often happens in the afternoon, then they go to their rooms for some quiet time.

it's worked out well. it's nice that they have their 'own' friends, as well as group friends. each week or so they trade off- their friend either comes here one day or they go over there. I think it also made it easier for the other parents to know they would only be getting one child. my kids tend to play as a group if they're together, and it's not really fair to the 'friend'- which is what I think you were running into.

it is a hassle for me to manage, and a bit time-consuming, but I think it's good for them. we just started this in September.

Mary

born 12/12/04 33w2d

Hi,
Just this morning I was telling my husband that I don't know what to do with playdates anymore. Yesterday we had the kid from h*ll here! OMG was this kid bad!I was shocked (his Mom is a teacher). That's been our problem, one playdate I made my dd told me she doesn't like the little girl. Now this one. I'm still in shock. Anyway, my trio has made maybe 1 good friend each. They are good kids, parents are nice so I trust them to go to their homes as well as come here without their parents. We got to know the parents before they went to their homes without us. I would just say can we all come over and the Moms say yes (can you imagine if they said no?). My kids like to share their friends and their friends like to play with all of my kids. They each have their own friends but like with everything else when their friends come here it's a friend for everyone when they go to their friends house then it's just one on one. Don't feel bad not letting your kids just go to someone's house you don't know, I had to tell a friend that when my kids come over please don't have any candles lit. My daughter almost had her hair catch on fire (whole other story). I hope I helped.
Donna Mom to Tyler, Samantha, Zackary soon to be 7 years old

thanks everyone.
I'm just glad to hear that I'm not the only one who arranges many of the playdates at their own house. I know and trust all of their kindergarten friends, so that one is easy. It is all of these new kids from 1st grade that are tough. I guess I just don't know what to say to the other parents other than, "let's do it at our house". I honestly don't want to have to come out and say, "I don't know you so I don't feel comfortable having my child in your home." I'm usually a pretty open and upfront person, but I feel like saying this is the same as implying, "I can't BELIEVE that you would think I'd let my child go into a stranger's house and stay with a stranger What is WRONG with you?!?(which is, in effect, what I am implying!)

This is a social work-in-progress, I suppose!
Thanks,
ask
ggb at 30 weeks