Just curious what kinds of rules you have in your houses regarding food? Can your kids get a snack whenever they want? Can they choose whatever they want for a snack? Do you limit sweets or do they have it whenever they want? How do you handle dinner - do they have to take a certain number of bites if they say they don't want to eat? Do they have to try a new food/veggie they say they don't want?

Just struggling to define what our own practices should be. Our girls are almost 6 and up until now, we've been pretty strict. We don't have sweets in the house very often, and when we do we try to limit them to one per day (like with Halloween candy). We only have one "snack time" each day, it's after school, and it's usually something like a cereal bar or a piece of fruit. At dinner time, if they aren't eating at all, we'll ask them to take 4-5 bites before they can get down. For veggies, or stuff on their plates they say they don't want, we just ask them to try one bite of it as long as they're also eating their other things.

Do you think we're overly restrictive/controlling? I worry about it because I've heard that being too controlling about food can lead to eating disorders when they get to be teens/preteens. Some other moms I know say that their kids have unlimited access to sweets - can have it whenever they want it - and actually have it in their room. One mom said that her kids don't care about candy - they can take it or leave it - because it's always there whenever they want it so they don't crave it.

I've just always tried to feed them as healthfully as I can - we get organic meat, milk, and produce and our kids are actually pretty good about eating fruits and veggies. Our philosophy has been to show them what healthy eating is, and we talk to them about how the foods they eat are good for them (i.e. we explain that oranges have vitamin C and meat has protein, etc.) Just pondering if we should give up some of our restrictiveness with sweets so it doesn't become a problem for them later in life - like, when they're old enough to choose for themselves, will they be overconsuming sweets because they were not allowed much as kids? And should we let them eat whenever they want so they'll learn to listen to the cues from their bodies and eat when they feel hungry? Although, we've talked about how do you tell if you're hungry vs. full, and I think they just tell me hungry even when they're not hungry if it's something they want, and full when they don't want to eat a particular food.

I'm feeling lost on an issue that seems to be a no-brainer for other moms. Would love to hear what you do - thanks!

Angie
GGG 5/13/04

Mine are a little younger, and I'm a pretty strict parent, so take that into account when reading!

We use the guidelines from Ellyn Satter's "How To Get Your Kids To Eat But Not Too Much". It is THE BEST book - you HAVE to get it!
- Parents decide What, When, and serve with a good attitude.
- Kids decide How Much or even Whether to eat.
- Neither tries to take over the other's responsibility.

We have 3 meals plus one snack a day, scheduled. My problem with unscheduled snacks is that they often seem to occur right before mealtime, especially if the meal isn't a favorite. Sometimes I give them a choice, maybe every other day. It's still within my guidelines though. Otherwise Camille would survive on fruit and Elise on bread. So the choice would be apple or orange? Colby or Swiss? Etc.

My kids don't HAVE to eat (even taste) ANYTHING. But no seconds of anything until they have eaten everything they have. They will often decide on their own to eat what they don't want just to get a little more of what they do want. And if they don't eat, so be it, but nothing else until the next scheduled meal/snack time.

One thing that I think makes a big difference. No one is excused from the table until everyone is finished. If you let one or two get down, the others are going to want to get down and go play too, and may not eat as much as they would have otherwise.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

The only sweets we absolutely ever have in our house are chcoolate chips. One of my DDs just found a recipe for chocolate chip muffins on Nick Jr and we are going to make those right now.

I do not have strict food rules because everything in our house is healthy. All of my kids are good eaters. Within reason, they all eat what I make.

For breakfast, they can decide from a few choices. Like what they want on their toast. Today, some people wanted jelly and some people wanted peanut butter and I was making eggs for myself, so three chose to eat eggs too.

They usually start getting a snack around 10 or 10:30. They chose what snack they want. They get their own snack bowl and do it themselves. They have access to fruit on the counter whenever they choose. I do not let people have any snacks after 11am though, because we eat lunch at noon.

When they get home from school, again, they can choose their own snack. I have a pantry with snack food in it. Sometimes I just make a big bowl of popcorn though depending on how many friends come home with them because I don't really feel like feeding the entire neighborhood with my expensive food. They generally have a carb and depending on what is on the counter, another piece of fruit. They eat a lot of fruit. I don't hover over their choices.

So I think it's a personal choice. I cannot stand micromanaging. That's just me. I think it's perfectly okay for them to use their own brains to choose their own snack. I make dinner and they eat whatever it is, so it gives them some autonomy over their food decisions. I DO notice that because they can listen to their bodies and choose those snacks, sometimes they will go right into the produce drawer and eat a bag of baby carrots. Are their bodies telling them they are short on Vitamin A? I think maybe it is. I wouldn't have thought to dole those out, so if that is what they need, I'm glad they are getting it.

I am currently happy with the way we are doing it. That is subject to change daily when they don't clean up after themselves and piss me off!

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I am somewhat of a health nut so our kitchen is mainly stocked with healthy foods. We do keep an occasional bag of chips around and I do bake regularly.

The kids eat pretty good. They are aware of what foods are healthy and that's what their diets mainly consist of. However, if they have a craving for a junky snack, they grab it. Anything in moderation is fine, imho. I also give into cravings from time to time, otherwise I feel deprived.

At dinner, they serve themselves and have been since they were about 6yo. If they are not fond of a particular food, they don't put it on their plates. We don't push the issue and we don't feel as if they need to "clean" their plates. They know when they are full. My only rule is that if they find they are hungry about an hour after a meal, they need to grab a healthy snack.

"Just remember, you can do anything you set your mind to, but it takes action, perseverance, and facing your fears."-- Gillian Anderson

At one point we loosened up on "junk" in the house and giving the kids more control. I also wondered about the theory that if they have access, the food will have less appeal. Unfortunately, I found that the more sweet foods they ate (cereal, breakfast bar type things included not just candy) the more they craved it. Different people may behave differently under the same circumstances but I have now tried to only buy healthy things and let them pick their snacks since pretty much any of it is fine. We do have set snack times though. If they insist they are dying of hunger right befoe dinner (which is rare) they can have carrot sticks.

The kids don't have to eat dinner but if they are too full to eat, they certainly can't have room for dessert. We do make them try one bite of veggies or new foods. Quite often they find they like it.

Marsha
mom to Nick, Hannah and Paige born July 15, 2004

access- mine have never asked or tried to open the fridge or food cabinets, so I never offered it. they do finally go to the fridge to pour their own milk, but they'd never think of taking any food out.

sweets - we don't really have sweets in our house either, and they don't seem to have a big craving for it. at a little class we go to, sometimes they do a little quiz and the child can pick either a toy or a bag of candy. my kids are about 50-50 between picking the rubber snakes/worms and the candy. then half the time, they forget to eat the candy. so for us, the reduced exposure seems helpful. I also don't have anyone ever throw a tantrum in the supermarket over buying candy/soda/sugary cereal etc. (I do like candy and eat way more than they do!)

snacks - we also don't really do snacks, unless we're out somewhere and they're offered. or some days, if it's longer than usual between meals, I'll put something out and let them self serve. but my kids get excited over frozen peas, cucumbers, and peppers, so it's easy. Other snacks I don't mind besides veggies are cheese sticks, nuts, and graham crackers. If they ask, I'll give them a few choices and put something out.

meals- they eat well at meals. if they want seconds of something, they do need to finish what's on their plate first. if they don't want seconds of something, they don't need to finish everything. for foods that some of mine don't like, I put a very tiny bit on their plate and ask them to taste it again. sometimes they end up liking something they previously didn't.

dessert- they get fruit after every meal. we have a wide variety of fresh fruit that they select each week at the market. on special occasions such as birthdays/holidays, they get cake/pie. if we've baked cookies due to the snow or just because, they can have them as well.

they know about the food pyramids, ask about what different foods do for their bodies, ask if the food is good for their body or just good for their tongue, and sometimes they will just decide to make healthy choices. I hope I'm not screwing them up for later in life! it feels like we're doing things okay and the kids seem fine about it all.

Mary

born 12/12/04 33w2d

Thank you gals, I really feel much more confident now about the way we've been handling it, plus you've given me some great ideas to try. And I will pick up that book, I'm going to order it right now!

Thanks again!

Angie