I thought I would post this in an area where there are "older" moms who might understand where I am coming from....I have frozen embryos that are 11 years old. Because of the economy I just don't want to pay for the storage anymore... I sort of not wanted to deal with this. There are all kinds of ethical questions that I have...but I don't think I could just give these away wondering what happened...Any advice from moms out there who have made this difficult decision. Any advice??? If I were younger and richer - I would definately implant. But that is not a choice. I have triplets that have to be taken care of and their future. Everyone please be kind...this is a very difficult decision for me but I have to make. Thank you all. Tammy

We only had one on ice, but it was a very good, 6 day blast. We had twins and triplets from IVF already and I was so done with ever being pregnant again. My body is too tired. We paid for storage for a few years, but in our hearts we always knew we were done.

I am going to be pretty blunt and honest and I am sure some people will be annoyed at me. I could't give it away. No matter how much I would like to think that anyone who tries hard for a child, really wants one and would be a good parent, I have "met" too many people on an IVF board that I don't think should even own a pet, so I know that isn't always the case.

I am religious and had to get my mind straight before I could dispose of the last blast. Our church doesn't state anything against IVF and leaves it up to the inidividual to pray about, so they don't mention anything about the embies either, but I still needed to feel right about our choice. I prayed about it and I had an opportunity to talk to an embryologist one time online that happened to be of my faith. After contemplating for awhile, I realized that my family was defintely complete and I was able to sign the the disposal papers feeling at peace. It was actually like finally closing a chapter in my life. A little bittersweet only because I knew my child bearing years were officially over and that had occupied so much of our life prior. I felt like I was admitting to being an old lady past child bearing years. LOL But that was the only thing that tugged on my heart. I knew another child wasn't waiting for us.

So that is how we came to our decision. My DH really had no problems with disposal, so it all rested with me, which is why I haven't mentioned him much, but he was there too, listening to my thoughts on the subject. Good Luck with your decision.

Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael

I, too, have just wanted to not "deal with" the decision after 7 years, so I feel for you and the struggle you are going through....mine are still on ice.

I WILL say that for whatever reason, it took me until this year to really have it sink in that the birth control pill I was on for 10 years prior to our attempts at having kids would have been "dealing" with embryos father along then the ones we've got on ice, and I was perfectly ok with being on the pill, from an ethical/moral standpoint. I still don't see this as the same, but I'm not sure why not. It does, however, help me put things, and my feelings/ethical issues about this, in perspective.

Also, just know that now that there has been an Administration change (since the last time I asked about donating 3 years ago), we can now donate our embryos to science. I thought it was a state law (we're in a solid republican state), but apparently it was national.

Good luck with your choice, I wish you peace with your decision,

ask
ggb at 30 weeks

I know this is a very difficult decision for many who struggle with infertility and eventually have embryos to freeze. When you try for so long to have a baby, those embryos become very precious to you.

I did have a friend with fertility issues that I thought I might allow to use our frozen embies, but it did not work out. Even if it had her chances of success were not great.. the one frozen cycle we did, none of our embryos survived the thaw.

Actually, I just watched a video lecture on-line last night about stem cells. You might get some comfort from that. In it, he mentioned that 50 to 80 percent of all embryos formed in a woman's body (the old fashioned way) never become babies for a variety of reasons.

I know that this is a VERY touchy subject for many and appologize if I offend, but please do think about it.

In my mind, knowing that we won't be trying to have more children, I feel that donating unused embies to scientific research is a much better thing than to have them just thrown away. Evidently, even low quality embies (that would never be tried for IVF, or even frozen for later) may have some potential in helping to find treatments or even cures for diseases such as Parkinson's, diabetes, and even spinal cord injuries.

To me, that gives some purpose to the embryo's "life" and helps me feel like even if it never became a child to someone at least it did have some part in improving society.

This is a very tough decision for many and requires much thought. I hope that you are able to reach a decision you are comfortable with after much consideration.

My thoughts are with you,

Andi
g/b/g
6 yo triplets

Tammy,

I just saw your post and wanted to respond to it.

We also had frozen embryos (4 in storage) that we knew we had to do something with eventually. It was always our intention from the beginning to donate any that were left. Ours were in storage for about 3 years. We finally decided to do something with them when we got our first bill. (I think our dr. gave us 2 years free). Luckily for us fate stepped in and a wonderful family came into our lives through another site (Fertile Thoughts). They "adopted" our embryos and now have a beautiful 2 year old boy. They did transfer all 3 (the 4th died in the thaw), started out with triplets, lost one at 9 weeks, then unfortunately lost the twin at 20 weeks, but gave birth the beautiful boy right on schedule. We do still have contact with the family. She sends pictures and recently sent a DVD of the last 2 years. We love getting them and she sees pictures of the trio. We are so happy that we could do this for another family.

This decision was easy for us. My husband and I had to no problem letting another family have a chance. All along we considered ourselved the guardians until their family came along. On a side note, the same family was going to try for another baby and I volunteered to be a donor for them ( my husband said he would be too if necessary) but unfortunately she has some health issues that made it not work out.

The decision is a hard one for many. One last thought, you may be able to do an unmedicated cycle knowing that the embryos will not take but knowing that they were with you may be helpful

Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

I wish you peace with whatever decision you make. This is very difficult. I too had to make a decision, and I can truly say it was one of the hardest decisions my dh and I made together. Every so often I think about the decision we made and wonder if it was the right choice. I have tried to live with it the best I could. It will never entirley leave my mind. We tried so hard to have children and when we knew we were not going to have more, it was SO DIFFICULT to figure out what to do next with the embies. Theu were in storage for a few years until the storage fee was 1000. per yr. We knew we had to make a choice. I prayed about it, and now I live with it.

Best wishes to your decision and again, I hope you do find peace in whatever you choose to do!

Agapi

Proud Mommy of
Kaden, Rowen, Kai
BGB 03-22-05