I took 2 of my kids to a birthday party today for a little girl that is in their class. This is the 3rd friends party they have ever been to and am still meeting all the mom's in the area, so I never just drop the kids off at party.

So anyway, we get to the party, and walk in, and I am greeted by the little girls mother, we introduce ourselves and all that...then she walks away. Doesn't let me know where to put the gifts, leaves us alone to search the house (with all of her family milling about) to find her daughter. Turns out this is a family party with a couple kids from her class invited also. So after about 15 minutes of standing awkwardly by the front door watching my kids play, the mother walks up to me and says "your are welcome to leave and come back to get the kids"...WTF I have never met this woman before and she wants me to leave my kids with her???????

So 2 other mothers arrive with their kids and I know one of them and we start chatting and she decides to hang out. The 3 of us stood in the corner of the entryway talking and were never approached again by the host of the party. We did this for 2 hours and then it was time to go. It was the most awkward situation I have ever been in.

My question, there is a reason for all of that story, is it normal for people to just drop their kids off at a strangers house just because it is a birthday party? I mean, I would never just drop my kids off at a strangers house if it wasn't a party. Also as parent, I would not just completely ignore the parents of my childs friends when I invited them into my home.

Sorry, this was a very weird and awkward situation for me and I am not really sure how to feel about it.

Oh and to avoid the "drop off" situation when I have a party for my kids, can I say something like "Susie and her parent of choice are invited..." doe you think that would make it obvious that I am not comfortable with someone just dropping their kids off?

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

Wait. What? You stood in the foyer for 2 hours and didn't chat anymore with the Mom of the birthday kid?

No way!

I mean. I get that she was busy, but there is no reason she didn't usher you into her home, make you feel welcome, hand you some punch and encourage you to enjoy the party.

That is really unbelievable!

Was she shy? Rude? Nervous?

Moving on to part 2 of your post: No way would I ever drop off my kids and hit the road for some alone time.

Unless... I knew the parents really well and they insisted.

I've been so lucky to have met some of the best families from my daughters' school. I would totally feel comfortable with leaving my children at their homes because I have made a point to get to know them and create trustworthy friendships.

And sorry. I'm going to be that annoying parent who says "no" to sleepovers and drop offs and playdates and any other invite unless I really know and trust the families.

And your future invite is perfect.

Lisa

Why didn't you just walk into the rest of the house? I would have walked right in and asked her if there was something I could do? If she said you could stay, didn't that mean to oome in? Perhaps while you were freaking out about her, she was standing in the kitchen going, "I wonder why that lady is standing in my foyer? What the heck?" I guess, I am trying to imagine it. So while they sang Happy Birthday and ate cake, you just stood in the foyer? This just seems so bizarre. Did they know you were there? Is there any possibility that they thought you left?

I just had my kids party in January. Half the moms stayed and half didn't.

I would say by next year, the parents would only stay if they were my friends.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I did walk through the house several times and tried to talk with some people, they were not interested I guess. The entryway was right next to the dining room where the kids were eating and having the party. The other 2 mothers and I were right there and watching the party.

I am not sure I am explaining it correctly, the entire thing was really weird.

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

That is REALLY weird. You know who you don't what your kids hanging out with now.

I have to tell you that my kids have a playmate that has been to my house three times now. Each time she comes, her mother stays the entire time she is here. I totally got it the first two times, but for the love of God, GO AWAY, I'm thinking. The kid asks to come over EVERY SINGLE DAY and I don't have time to entertain her mother. I have to cook dinner when they get home. Doesn't her mother have anything to do?

So I thought I would make you feel better. There is someone MORE overprotective than you.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Oh, I just re-read your post and she said you could leave. I think I would have said, "Oh, that's cool. I have some free time. Can I help you out?? Then followed her around.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

My son just went to his first drop off party last month and it was a little strange. We had a family party with just a few school friends for my children in January. It was the first time the kids have invited friends, it's always just been family. I wasn't sure what to expect. A couple parents stayed, the others didn't. I didn't care either way. I took good care of the kids without parents there and made sure they were comfortable and had everything they needed.

The boy that had the party last month was at our party, his mother dropped him off, but had his older sister come with him. His sister was very well mannered and a help. He is a very well behaved boy and they live in my neighborhood, although I have never met his parents. When I dropped my son off, his mother was very friendly and invited me to stay. Since I knew NO one there, I decided to leave. I figured I am right down the street and it would be for 3 hours. You have to let go a little bit at some point. My children are 7. I did stay for a while when I picked my son up and their family was very nice. I guess I felt like since their kids were well behaved and well mannered, their parents must be half way decent people. They didn't have a pool, which is always a concern of mine. Meeting her for just a few minutes, I felt like she would take care of my son just as I did hers at our party. If I didn't get that feeling from her, I would have stayed. It was very odd to just leave, but I have a feeling this will be the start of many more. I can't follow them everywhere forever. They are growing up and need just a tad bit of independence.

Tracy
Mommy to Lindsey, Patrick and Brooke
Born 1-14-03 at 32weeks, 3 days and ^i^ twins Dylan 1-12-02 and Cole 1-21-02

My experience with birthday parties over the past couple of years is that most parents drop the kids off and leave -- even if they don't know the hosts. What I do, is if the party is at a location like The Little Gym or a dance center where they normally hold kids' classes and the staff is involved, I will leave the kids. I figure it is like when I sign my kids up for classes normally. If it is at a house, I only leave if I know the parents well. If there was extended family at the party, I would defnitely stay since who knows what weird Uncle Fred is like. If there are few other parents, I try to stay out of the way and just help the kids if they are stuck on an activity or something. The hosts are usually too focused on the kids and relatives to pay much attention to us lingerers.

In your situation, I would have just walked in and tried to help out any of the kids that needed something or chat up one of the relatives or something. It's usually kind of awkward but I still wouldn't leave my kids at a party with extended family.

Marsha
mom to Nick, Hannah and Paige born July 15, 2004

You gotta be straight up with the mom and tell her you have never done a drop off before, and you are just not comfortable with it yet. She sounds incredibly rude.

Next time when you RSVP I would find out what the deal is. We have been invited to drop off only parties and if I don't know the parents I decline the invite. Sorry. Not dropping my kids off to a persons house I don't know! I have no problem telling other parents that I am over protective in those situations. I really don't care what they think of me. Can't tell you how many pool parties we have been invited to that were drop offs. NO WAY I am leaving the my kids safety up to strangers in the pool!


Terri~
12/21/01 at 33 weeks

Completely agree about the pool party or any party where there is a pool at the house. NO WAY!

Tracy
Mommy to Lindsey, Patrick and Brooke
Born 1-14-03 at 32weeks, 3 days and ^i^ twins Dylan 1-12-02 and Cole 1-21-02

I think it's only polite for the host to let you know ahead of time that it's a "drop off" party (either on the invitation or when they're handing you the invite) and not assume that you're going leave your kids at her home. I just had a party for my oldest dd, and I told some parents beforehand, "Of course you're invited to the party, but you're also more than welcome to drop off your kids and go out to dinner or something." Some took me up on the offer, others didn't. Also, the parent should've come to chat with you at least for a couple of minutes during the party. I'm sure she was busy but part of being a good host is making the rounds, so that everyone feels welcomed and comfortable.

--Oh and to avoid the "drop off" situation when I have a party for my kids, can I say something like "Susie and her parent of choice are invited..." doe you think that would make it obvious that I am not comfortable with someone just dropping their kids off? -- This might help, but you might still have parents drop off their kids. You might really need to spell it out for some parents who are used to dropping off their kids.

Gloria

Mom to five girls: ages 12, 10, and 8/8/8

My girls are 7.5 and this year the parties have become more "drop and run". But they just went to a gymnastics party and several parents chose to hang out and they were down on the gym floor with the kids. I stayed on the observation level, but I ran into someone I knew and we chatted. And I wanted to be sure my DD with a broken finger would be able to participate safely. Once I saw that she was fine, I took off to run an errand. If it hadn't been for the broken finger and friend to chat with, I would have left.

When they turned 6 we hosted their first kid party. It was summer between PrdK and K. We invited neighbor kids and the girls in their preschool class. We had a HUGE water slide, slip 'n' slide, sprinkler. When parents called to RSVP, I told them they could feel free to drop off or stay, whatever they wished. I also assured them that I had 2 very responsible neighbor girls helping me with the water play so the children would be adequately supervised. These were mostly 5s, going on 6s. One parent sheepishly said she had never done a drop-off and would like to stay. The others split as quickly as they could. Some of the neighbor parents didn't even come over.

I have to admit that I tried to be welcoming and inclusive of the parent that stayed, but I had a lot going on. But she wasn't a wallflower either. She offered to help bring out lunch and serve cake. And I had a friend helping me with a craft, so she had someone to talk to a bit.

A party like that, with a 7' high waterslide...you betcha I would consider staying or at least make sure the parents have rules and would supervise. A party with some kids' extended family? Yeah, I would be a bit uncomfortable leaving my kids at 5 or 6. As someone mentioned before, you don't know what Uncle Pervy or Cousin Quirky are up to.

But I DO find comfort when my kids to somewhere together. They are each other's conscience.

It did seem weird that you were left to just stand there. Good thing you had a friend to chat with. If you still aren't sure about the next party, I would jsut say when you RSVP "I've never done a drop-off before and I'd be more comfortable staying. I'd be happy to help with the party." You might just get another friend.

Or if your kids have allergies or are shy, you could tell the hostess that and that you're more comfortable until you KNOW your child will speak up for herself.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

I have stayed and and I have left, depending on if I knew the parents and how comfortable I felt. I have also had parents stay during my kid's parties, but most do leave after they are school age. I have always greeted them and got the kid started, told them where to put the gift, etc. However, I have never really had the time to chat with the parents much. Our parties are usually pretty busy. I often have had some parents pitch in and help serve cake, etc. I didn't ask them or expect them to, but it was nice of them and I appreciated the extra hands. If it is a kid's party, then my main goal is to make sure the kid's have a nice time. I offer the parent's refreshments, etc; however, I don't entertain them. I see them there as a chaperone.

I can see how it would be more awkward if it was mostly family though.

Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael

When my kids are invited to a party I stay even if I know the family. I end up helping the other family. The more help the better is how I think of it. If I went to someone's house that I didn't know I would just walk in and start talking. Maybe the Mom was busy and maybe she thought you wanted to leave. Who knows? My point is that in todays age where everyone is texting and on computers basic manners are getting pushed to the side. Oh and for 2 years, I've seen a friend of my kids but never her parents. Some parents love to drop their kids off even if they don't the other family. As they get older it's gets harder to stay around.

Donna Mom to Tyler, Samantha, Zackary - 3/24/03

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My one DS was invited to a party. I decided to stay because DS is autistic and this was the first party he's gone to that we haven't known the family and they know what behaviors he may exhibit. I was the only parent who stayed. The family was ok to me, however, had these other parents come all the way into the house, maybe they would have stayed! They had 4 garbage cans in the house with garbage spewing out of all of them! Some one had taken a plate of cake and dumped it on the floor cake down and all the family walked over it and never picked it up. The whole kitchen ceiling was bowed down from water damage. The german shepherd was locked up because they couldn't trust him but halfway during the party it was let out of the crate and growled at my son and barked at everyone. Their couch had holes, huge gaping holes in it where the kids were climbing in and out of it. And it was one of those houses where the people were hoarders and you could only walk through a path there was so much crap.

i couldn't wait to leave. Call me snobby but the air intake vents had a fur coat on them! It was so gross.

Ann

BBG born 7/7/03
33 weeks 3 days

Ann -- Sounds like an interesting family. If my house was like that I think I'd opt for another venue. Maybe a park with a playground or even just Chuckie Cheese. Heck, even with my house I'm tempted to take the party elsewhere. Who wants a bunch of kids running all over the place. Definitely worth going somewhere else. What did your kids say about it???

It is tough to know what to do for kid parties. We have only had one party be at a house. The others have been at indoor playgrounds or similar places. Now that they are getting older I might feel more comfortable with parents leaving but it is nice to have a chance to talk to other parents too. It seems like most of the moms I know I've met at the kids parties. Though texting and other fau paux do make a conversation tougher these days.


Andi
g/b/g
triplets will be 7 in August