I feel like someone posted references to studies that indicated the positives of keeping multiples together. I am getting resistance (for the first time) at putting my boys together next year. They were together in K & 1st and separated this year (2nd).

I want them back together for 3rd grade. There was never a problem when they were in class together and they have done equally well apart. I think they will continue to do in either scenario.

Both of their teachers immediate response was to keep them separate. I really feel that they are looking at it from the standpoint of what is easiest for the teacher (telling them apart) and what they've seen with past multiples.

I told both teachers that if there was compelling evidence to continue separation - I would consider it but that I've put a lot of thought into this decision. I don't see how they could have compelling evidence as each has spent time with just one of my sons.

Thanks in advance for any help. I will cross post this on the school age forum.

Marie

I know that I found lots of stuff on-line when I was think about kindy placement. Below is the only link I can find in my browser still. I do know that some of it was on education sites for teachers including a list of questions to ask about how mult's interact to help decide if they should be together or separated. You might try NOMOTC site, www.nomotc.org

http://www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com/articles/post_q14.html


Things to consider: (from ERIC digest for teachers)

comparison
disruptions
dominance
helping each other
stresses in current life



Actually, here's a list of questions I got from one of the sites and actually sent to their preschool teacher:


Do they ever gang up on another child?

Do they depend on each other for support in an unhealthy way?

Is competition between them ever extreme?

How often do they play with each other exclusively?

Do they ever act as a group rather than individuals?

How do others in the class feel about them being triplets?

Would any of them feel insecure if their siblings were not there?

Do they ever start disturbances during class as a unit? How often? More so than other friends?

Do any of them overshadow/dominate their siblings?

"Are they overly socially involved with each other to the exclusion of other children?"

"Are they all independant?"

"Do they cooperate with each other?"


Good luck,

Andi
g/b/g
6 yr old triplets in kindy (together, sort of)

I believe http://mostonline.org/ (Mothers of Supertwins) has some material that you may find helpful.

Hope that helps.

Sharon
13 year old b/b/b + 16 year old son

All I can say is you know your children, you know them better than anyone and you have to fight for what your gut tells you. For as long as I have had them, six years, I said they would not be separated, then it came time for school last year and it was my choice, I made the decision to separate them. My girl has selective mutisum, she lets her "boys" answer questions for her etc, she will not talk, one son with aspergers and one with sensory issues. they thrived last year being apart, my girl got in trouble for talking on a weekly basis. Do what your gut and heart tells you..

BBG Triplets Born March 31, 2004
31 weeks three days
Douglas
Kalie and
John Michael

Marie:

Follow your instincts. I am so tired of other people who do not know our children and/or our circumstances telling us that they should somehow make the decisions regarding our children.

You've gotten some good input from others, but in the final analysis it will simply be a matter of digging in your heels and putting your foot down. So, lady, I'm here to support you in some foot stomping!!

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

I just came onto the forum specifically for this topic! I haven't posted here in literally years... but for the first time in our school 'life' i am faced with this awful principal who will NOT let go of his power struggle and is refusing to let me put any of my kids together.

we just moved to a new state. a few weeks before school starts i sent a letter to the principal of our new school telling him i wanted my triplets together in 2nd grade. no response. nothing. when i followed up they said they got it. i finally got through and we scheduled a meeting. found out all three were in separate classes. so i re-plead my case. i said even if all three can't be together, at least put these certain two together. i have all my experience as their mother AND emails from their first grade teachers (where they were separated) as evidence that those particular two MUST be together. this fool principal is now telling me that he knows what is best for my kids (even though he's never even MET them...) and refuses to let me put them together.

school starts this monday and its still not resolved. i left a message with the superintendent today. still no word back. hopefully by the end of the first week of school i will have those two together.

so my question is this--how much more do i fight?i know i need to 'put my foot down' and believe me, i am...the principal has heard PLENTY from me! i don't know what else to do. he absolutely refuses to take into account what i'm saying. i'm so angry.

help!!!

Megmom- I am so sorry you are having to struggle with this. I was very worried last year that they would not put my 3 together. It's tough to know how hard to push for the placement that you believe will work best for your children. I kept thinking that I shouldn't put up too much of a fuss since the kids would probably be in this school for quite a few years. I did push it some and things seemed to be fine.

Then, halfway through the year I found out some issues that I thought were only minor turned out to be more important than I thought. By then, it seemed too late to bring them up. Instead I just ended up having to deal with the consequences of hurt feelings of one of my daughters. After that, I have decided that it's better to deal with the problem early before it gets out of hand. After all, these are MY kids that it is affecting. Our school also seems to be pretty good at dealing with problems as they arise; as long as they are made aware of the problem.

At the very least they should be willing to move someone if a problem arises. Though maybe if you state the case as to why they need to be together and what special considerations will need to be considered if they aren't together (sitting together at lunch, being allowed to check on each other throughout the day, etc.) the school may decide that it's easier to start out with them together. Of course, at some point they also need to be able to function in separate classes as well.

Hope it turns out for you,

Andi
g/b/g
triplets
start 1st grade in 19 days!!!

Our principal was like that, kind of. He kept telling me that he has dealt with twins for many years, and this is what they do for twins....Um, Mr. Principal, my children are not twins!

I decided to give a little, and fight for the rest. I won! I think if you think it is important for atleast 2 of them to be together, you should fight it until you win. As you know, you know your children best, and you know what they need to have a positive and successful school experience.

Also, since you are so close to school starting, I wouldn't just leave a voice mail for the superintendent, I would go down there and demand to see him. If that is not an option, call every hour on the hour. He is going to be busy, and might not get back to you before school starts. Once school starts, they might tell you there is nothing they can/will do. I think you need to at least get the process started with the superintendent before the first day of school.

Good luck, I hope you are able to resolve this so your little ones are happy!

BTW, ha your state passed the twin law?

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

I was going to ask the same thing. http://www.twinslaw.com

I have an issue with our principle this year also. It was just a minor request for us really. I am annoyed not because the kids will be split, but because of her attitude toward me. You know how something that wasn't even a big deal to you becomes big issue and something you will fight for when someone is a b*tch about it? Plus I am completely against blanket policies and principles that will tell parents things like, "they have to be split because if I do it for you then I have to do it for others". And if you bring up research on the issue they cut you off and say it is all "inconclusive".

Mine don't have been in the same class for the past couple years and don't hang out together in class. Well the girls will play with some of the same friends at recess but don't eat together. But they love the ease of all having the same homework. And if someone forgot something someone else had the assignment or a worksheet could be photocopied. They worked well together and apart in the same class and weren't dependent in anyway so didn't bother me to request they stay together.

The other reason was they don't have enough quest classes for them all to have their own class. I would have no problem splitting if they could all have their own class. But we split 2/1 in K and Alex felt like the odd man out and was jealous of the things the girls got to experience together (their class did do a lot more cool things than his). And of course they put him as the odd man out again.

I just hate people on a power trip and to lazy to do their job. At this point I'm not going to try and change my kids placement but I am going to challenge her policy for the next younger set of multiples. I want the power taken away from the principle level and a district wide flexible policy put in place like the twins law. Makes no sense for one school to allow the parents to decide with a simple request and the school down the block to have a blanket must separate policy anyway. (talking public schools here not private)

Tasha
Have children afraid of monsters or just looking for a fun kids app? http://www.goawaymonster.com/

Tasha,

I'm in the same state as you and in this county it is left up to the parents to decide. There are THREE sets of triplets at our school alone! Our principal has always left it up to us to decide what is best. I thought of separating my trio for the first time this year so I went to their first grade teacher and asked her opinion. I was fortunate because she is a twin. She understands that multiples bond. She suggested I keep them together again this year as well. So now they will be starting 2nd grade together.

It's just a shame that we parents of mutiples aren't given the say so across the board in EVERY school!

Kristina
divorced MOM
Megan 7/26/00 Blessed Adoption
Abigail, Brigid, Caroline 6/28/03 IVF

www.tripletsplus1.blogspot.com

That is how it was at their old school in the same district. Their sister still attends the other school and there are other sets of twins (no triplets) and they always let the parents decide. If the trio had stayed there they would had to stay in the same class. We moved to the new school last year and there was only one class in the program so they were together. For 4th grade there are 2 classes so we first had to talk about it and this principle was rude and aggressive about her policy of splitting. Would cut me off and and tell me how if she did it for me she would have to consider it for others. Basically she was not jeopardising her mandatory policy.

Funny thing was it was just a little request to start for us. The kids wanted it for convenience more than anything else. Things like forgetting homework, I could photocopy worksheets or someone else always had the assignment. They do a lot of group homework assignment and they had a built in group without having to deal with other kids parents schedules and they liked that. LOL But her attitude just ticked me off. Now I want to challenge her policy for the next set of multiples to start the school who may want to stay together for more substantial reasons. Seriously considering joining twinslaw and helping get a bill sponsored here just because I am bored and annoyed.

Tasha
Have children afraid of monsters or just looking for a fun kids app? http://www.goawaymonster.com/