Hillyt mom to
Ian 12
Ella, Holly, Jilly 6
Hadley 3

Maybe it is just my kids, but I don't get the big push for keeping kids together in school. Are my kids freakishly independent triplets to want to be separated for school? They love to participate in their own actiities, go to birthday parties without their siblings, and even on sleepovers to grandmas or the neighbors. I don't think I did anything that made them want to be away from each other, they play together at home, share a room, and have lots of together time. It seems like there are many triplet moms who indicate that their kids depend on each other, or have bonded more than mine seem to.
I guess what I am wondering, is what makes one set "need" each other, and another set completely oblivious, or even going out of their way to get "alone" time. I don't have kids that would disrupt a class together, and our school does whatever the parents ask for. I just separated them to give them a chance to have their own experiences, and a little time apart during the day.
After reading all the posts about placement, I asked them what they would choose to do, and they all three want their own teacher.

I am not saying that I think kids have to be separated, I have several triplet mom friends who have chosen for theirs to be together for various reasons. (mainly mom-driven, not kid driven) Anyone want to weigh-in on why they think their kids would choose to be in the same class?

Hillyt, I have had mine seperated since 1st grade. I responded to Camille's posts here and in the pre-teen forum about this issue. Your not alone with willingly deciding to keep them seperate. For us it was the best option and I have no regrets.

Shell~
B/B/G 1/7/2000

My girls truly like being together.
Now they do have different interests, participate in different sports, have some same friends and some different friends but I think they just "know" they belong together.

We have started separating them in 6th, 7th and next year, 8th grade. We chose to do this because their high school is big and odds are they will have many classes apart. So far each has enjoyed being in their own class but no one complains when they are back with a sibling.

Sometimes I think they liked being together so if one forgot homework, someone else would remember.

Actually, my son is very close to the girls too and even in their teens years, will hang out together. Maybe its a family trait. My sisters, brother and I hung out together in high school tho we were all different ages.


Judie and Victor
lucky parents to
Frankie 3/95
Maggie 7/96
Rose 7/96
Elizabeth 7/96

Hillyt mom to
Ian 12
Ella, Holly, Jilly 6
Hadley 3

Judie, that is funny about the homework. It is my biggest problem with 3 classes! I am the opposite about middle school. My son is very disorganized, and the girls are a little better, but my plan was to place them on the same "team" for middle school, so I only have to focus on one set of proceedures, projects, family nights, ect. I am going nuts trying to figure out how to help him with 5 teachers/classes. Might lose my mind if that was 15 teachers!

Mine do spend a lot of time playing together even when they don't have to, but they love having their own thing at school. I wonder how it will play out as they get older. Since we have 5 kids, we had to be somewhat creative with schedules, actiities, and playdates to fit it all in, maybe they just like to be on their own to avoid the chaos!?

Hi!

I always wanted mine separate and they have been since the age of 4. They like to be apart and have their own classes etc.
They way I see it, they never asked to be a triplet, they HAVE to share the same birthday, etc., so having something to call their own and not have to share seems good. They even all have their own bedrooms- which they are never in unless to sleep - because they are always together. Go figure! But for 2nd grade I have decided to put 2 together, but its for my benefit only. Having 3 different 1st grade homework assignments, after school stuff and a 2 year old demanding attention was rough!


Gina mom to BBG born 2-4-03 at 37 weeks
and surprise baby boy 11-21-07

I have no idea what makes them independent, other than personality.

My choice for keeping them together was mom-driven and because we are in a poor school district and my kids all speak English, so that was a plus. They would have been fine separated and do stuff alone just as yours. They were just born that way and I have always wondered a bit about the "triplet bond" thing, cuz I don't really see it.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Another major difference could be how the family operates. My husband and I like to be joined at the hip. The five of us are together ALL the time. Trips to the store, trips to grandmas, all sports or school classes, etc. Many families don't operate that way. Mine didn't when I was a child, both my parents worked full time (or even two jobs at a time) and we were kinda on our own often -running in different directions.

I think mine are totally into the triplet bond. Possibly not necessarily triplet wise, but sibling wise for sure. Maybe it is different for ggg or bbb triplets?

I asked mine about if they wanted to have their own class next year or stay together and all three said stay together and seemed to fully understand what I was asking.

ETA: When on play dates or at school, my trio does play separately as well as together. They will go find their own "new friends" or play by themselves. Definitely not dependant on one another, (they will stay at Nana's house one at a time some nights) but for school- they chose together.

Laura & Don
BBB 5/05
www.ourbighappy.blogspot.com

"

Good point on how the family operates. Greg and I obviously operate on our own planets and he's always got one or two and vice versa with me. Never thought about that.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I've kept mine together and separate, depending on the school year. The first year in PreK my dds were together because there were only 2 classes and one of my dds suffered from separation anxiety. I don't think it was a "triplet bond" type of separate anxiety though. She would've been happy had her older sister been in her class instead of her triplet sisters; she just wanted somebody familiar in the room. At the end of PreK, I asked my dd if she wanted to be in her own Kinder class, and she said no. However, I thought she was ready for it, so I placed them in separate classes . . . she shed a few tears the first week but was fine after that. 1st grade I kept them together because I thought one teacher was better than the other; separation anxiety had completely disappeared by this time, so it didn't factor in my decision. The past two years they've been in separate classes, but the teachers team-teach so my kids rotate and see the same teachers at different times. Also, part of the school they've ended up in the same class. I've asked my dds whether they want to be in same or separate classes. At times they've said same and other times they say separate. Honesty, I don't think they care because they've been in both and had positive experiences. I plan on separating them in 4th grade, but I don't rule out ever placing them in the same class in the future. My decision will depend on what I believe will benefit them academically. -- Gloria

My kids were separated this year in 2nd Grade for the first time. They have done great. But they also did great together. They actually prefer the separate classes now. Next year 2 of them will be in the same class because of how our school divides the children based on academic level. This year they were all on different levels. Now I have two above grade level so they will be in the same class. I know they loved having their own teachers...but it's just the way it goes and they will be fine.

Anyway, my kids definitely have a special bond and get along really well. But they absolutely function fine when apart.


Terri~
12/21/01 at 33 weeks

"Anyone want to weigh-in on why they think their kids would choose to be in the same class?"

I think that if I would have given my kids the choice, when they were going into preschool or kindergarten, they would have definitely picked together because it is far less scary to walk into a classroom with their brothers than it would be to go by themselves. They were scared, just like 95% of the other kids starting school for the first time. I think a child would have to be unusually well adjusted and extremely confident to actually ask for their own class, in a new school, where they don't know anyone.

That's why I didn't ask my kids.

I always find this topic very interesting. I would like to see more people say how they feel keeping their kids together actually benefits their kids. It seems like so many of the reasons have to do with it being easier for the family, or it doesn't really matter, or parent volunteer time, or a reason that is specific that that family or school. I'm not saying these are not good reasons. Many of them are. But, what I am really interested in is what actual benefits people think their multiples (the actual triplets or quads)get by being in the same class as their siblings. I'm not questioning the choices that people make, but more wondering about the thinking that goes on behind the choice.

And, FWIW, I think a lot of the "triplet bond" that people talk about is imposed by the parents. Maybe it is different for identicals, but my kids act like brothers that happen to be the same age. They love eachother, care about eachother and enjoy eachother but, they are individuals first. My sister and I are 12 months apart. Obviously, we were not in the same class in school(Thank Gd, I don't think we would have survived), but we shared a lot of activities and friends...and at many points, that was really annoying. I can't believe so many people don't think that is a problem....especially if one of the siblings is quiet and another one has a big mouth. How would you like it if your big mouth sister was in your group of close friends...or your multiples' group? Mine is, and just in case she reads this, I'm not saying my sister has a big mouth. I love my sister and we are very, very close. I'm glad that we are sharing friends again, but it was like "bizarro world" for a while and I don't even live with her any more. Just something to think about...

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

Totally agree with this post. All of mine were together in preschool and have been separate for K and on. My twins have never really cared and neither have the trio. My two girls are very identical. They are very close and even being in separate classes are still close. Being separated has not stunted them in any way.

Trust me, having 5 different classes in 2 grades only 2 years apart is a lot of work. 4 out of the 5 this year had teachers all beginning with the letter "S" and two even had the same last name, only one was a K teacher and one was a 2nd grade teacher. I get why some just have them go together. I even have a nice enough school, that the choice is all mine. However, I think it is very important for them see themselves as an individual and not as a unit. I think parents get more stuck on the idea of being twins or triplets than the kids do.

Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael

Hillyt mom to
Ian 12
Ella, Holly, Jilly 6
Hadley 3

That's just it. My kids are friends, they are on swim team together, art class, dance,Sunday school, and other places, without a problem. I just don't see the "special" bond that requires that they be together for school JUST because they are triplets. I totally get the other reasons people have stated, and would push for one class if there was only one good one.

I have never seen my kids act like they need each other to function. I hear other triplet moms talk about their kids sleeping together, play with their backs touching, and basically serve as each other's confidence. I have always been weirdly proud of mine for acting as individuals, despite being triplets. I thought maybe mine were the only ones, but sounds like it is more of a personality thing, than a triplet thing.

Ditto to all of that.

I figure my kids will always be triplets and sisters, so I want them to know what it feels like to be an individual, too!

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

I have identical twin aunts who are almost 60 and are still annoyingly co-dependent. There is close and then it becomes sad and a little scary.

Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael

Hillyt mom to
Ian 12
Ella, Holly, Jilly 6
Hadley 3

Now see Kelly, that is why I love you. I was picturing asking my sassy almost second graders, not my preschoolers. If I had asked them at age 4, they probably would have chosen to be together- at least until the second day when they each had a new friend they would rather be with.... ( By the way Hadley would choose to be with Charlie, think they could meet in the middle somewhere?)

Although our school, which by the way has at least 1 set of triplets in every grade but 5th next year, and a couple in some grades, and too many twins to count, does not impose it's own wishes on the parents when it comes to multiples, I would worry about being the mom who walks in demanding special placement for my kids based on their multiples status. I just don't see being a triplet as a consideration. My son has real issues that require placement consideration, and he is a singleton. I would rather fight my battles on that front.
The school is great about helping this mom of multiples out when it comes to volunteering, and attending conferences, ect. I get mine all back to back without asking, and last week they even pulled my three from their own classes so they could all be in Mom's group on the zoo field trip. Once when I was sick for my day of helping in Jilly's class, they let had her join Holly's class for reading group the next time I was there to volunteer. I think part of the reason they are so great about it, is that they see me trying to let them each have their own experience and want to support that.

Our family does some things together, and for some we divide and conquer, so maybe that contributes to the self-confidence that allows them to be alone.

Thanks for the interesting viewpoints. I am always curious when I read a hot button topic as to why it is a controversy. I will say it is in my nature to be a little put off when the school makes a blanket policy about anything, so maybe I would be more threatened if I knew it was NOT my choice. I know that is what seems to drive a lot of the discussion in our local group.

Our family does a lot together too. We go on walks most evenings together and usually we got to one another's events and cheer each other on. Our kids are in one another's business so much I don't think anyone goes to the bathroom without everyone knowing.

Now, my DH and I do divide and conquer when each have their b-day parties, etc. and we do divy up the chores. I actually can't even imagine going grocery shopping together each week. He took me when I was pregnant and had to go on a motorized scooter, but otherwise, it doesn't seem time efficient for our family.

Our teachers have been very good with working together for me to be with the kids. The 2nd graders just had a Mother's Day tea and each class had several plays. One teacher had one boy do his at the beginning, so I could see him, then I went to the other son's class and his was at that end, so I could catch his play. We have a lot of twins in our school too. My trio's K class has one other set of triplets this year. I love our principal. She lets everyone decide. I have ahd several twin Moms in Kindergarten tell me how they wish they had separated like I did and plan to next year. I think I gained major points by coming in and saying I thought they should be separate.

I get what you are saying about picking your battles. I too have one that I am more worried about being with the right teacher than being together with his twin.

Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael

I love it! That's what I've been trying to articulate in my head

My girls are identical and I don't see any "magical, triplet bond" LOL (We might be the minority, but I always thought people were imagining a special bond when really it's just the same old sibling bond all our kids experience, triplet or not)

My kids don't make decisions about their education. It's my job to decide FOR them, and I decided that I want them to have unique experiences that's all their own in school. Plus, I think that presenting my kids with safe challenges like being on their own in school will make them stronger as individuals. Now... if the school district sucked or there was only one decent teacher or if I had a fear of my kids getting their butts beat in by bullies every day, then I might be singing a different tune.

(I also want to say, for the record, that my kids have spent practically every waking moment with me, and from day 1 they have barely said goodbye as they trotted off to class!)

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

There is no delicate way to say this: Not all teachers are created equal. My kids are at a very small school where I worked until I had baby #5 and where there are sometime only one or two choices per grade level. How would I choose which kid gets thre GREAT teacher and which one gets the one that should not be in the classroom? (We can choose and most parents do, I think.) Our school does do this cool choices program, though, where kids can choose what classes they take two periods a day - for this they have always been seperated or split 2/1 according to their interests. Perfect compromise, I think!
Ali
Jack, 8 1/2
Abraham, Dylan and Zane 6 1/2
and now . . . . Tobias, new last June!

Exactly. We have several teachers that I think would be better suited working at DMV.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Hillyt mom to
Ian 12
Ella, Holly, Jilly 6
Hadley 3

That stinks! I am not overly fond of our principal, but have yet to have a bad teacher. We get no real say in which teacher our kids get, so that is not a consideration. I would agree that they should be together if there is only one good one, and you can get them in there.

You would D.I.E. We have an "aide" and I put that in parentheses because aide is the last description I would use for her. She sits in the class on a chair and tries to interact as little as possible with the kids while she looks at the clock. And the Office Sloths, who each weigh 400 pounds and won't even get up to help you? I have written whole posts about them. Gotta love public education in Nevada. Shudder. I am so entrenched in there now that I am figuring out which ones are good and which ones aren't. I feel bad for the kids that get the lame ones. I want to be the Donald Trump of public education and walk around, saying, "You're FIRED."

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

"I guess what I am wondering, is what makes one set "need" each other, and another set completely oblivious, or even going out of their way to get "alone" time."

I guess my trio falls into the completely oblivious group. I asked them this morning if they preferred being in the same class or being in separate classes. Each one of them said it didn't matter. I asked if they worked better together or separate. They said it didn't matter....teachers always place them in different groups. I asked if they talked less or more when they were in the same class. They answered, "I don't know. I think the same." Then they finally got fed up and asked, "Why are you asking us all these questions? It don't matter if we're in the same class or separated!" As I mentioned in another post, my kids have been together and separate, depending on the grade and also depending on activities (CCD - same class since Kindergarten). I suppose it doesn't matter to them one way or the other because they've been exposed to both, and they've function equally well in both environments.

Gloria

Mom to 5 dds: ages 12, 10, and almost 9/9/9 (in a couple of weeks!)

> Then they finally got fed up and
>asked, "Why are you asking us all these questions? It don't
>matter if we're in the same class or separated!" As I
>mentioned in another post, my kids have been together and
>separate, depending on the grade and also depending on
>activities (CCD - same class since Kindergarten). I suppose
>it doesn't matter to them one way or the other because they've
>been exposed to both, and they've function equally well in
>both environments.
>
>Gloria
>
>Mom to 5 dds: ages 12, 10, and almost 9/9/9 (in a couple of
>weeks!)


Kids can be so funny can't they? I think you did a great thing letting them experience both together and separate. They need to know how to handle both situations.

It is very hard to balance the kids needs to be individual with their specialness of being triplets. I really feel they need to embrace that to some degree. After all, not many people are lucky enough to have someone that has shared so many life experiences with them. Mind you, mine are very individual in personalities.

Andi

Andi,

"It is very hard to balance the kids needs to be individual with their specialness of being triplets. I really feel they need to embrace that to some degree. After all, not many people are lucky enough to have someone that has shared so many life experiences with them. Mind you, mine are very individual in personalities."

That's exactly how I feel. You expressed it beautifully. -- Gloria

Mom to five girls: ages 11, 10, and 8/8/8

I have had my 3 together for preschool and Kindergarten. Although they frequently go their own ways, they do seem to feel more secure knowing that their siblings are close by. The best part in preschool was listening to them help each other if problems arose...."if so-and-so is mean to you again today, you just come over and play with me, OK" OR "if he's getting you in trouble/not being nice to you, you shouldn't play with him" I wish I had had someone like that to help me when I was little.

Yes, I always wanted to be a twin and was thrilled to find out I would have multiples. I may romanticize it a bit but I really want them to have the kind of relationship they can treasure. My aunt sent me a picture from the paper of 90 yr old triplets all sitting around the kitchen table together. That's what I want for my 3 -- a lifelong meaningful relationship....the kind I wish I had with my own sister.

It is a family dynamic as well. I know a family with singletons who are very close. I don't think the mother would have it any other way. We learn how to relate to people from our early relationships and I want to help my kids to have the best relationships they can. I hope they remain close and will do what I can to encourage this.

I did ask the kids what they wanted to do as far as class placement. One of them wanted to be in her own class. The other 2 wanted to be in the same class. I think I understand their reasons for wanting each way and hope the school honors the request. The funny thing is, one of them that wants to be together is also the most independent of the 3. She will play by herself happily much to the chagrin of her sister. I think she just likes to know her family is close by; she still says she misses me while she's at school after so many months.

I think it is great that your kids don't "need" each other. They really do need to be individuals and it sounds like they are doing great. I do think that they need to know how to act when a sibling is in class with them since later in school they may need to be together based on class offerings. I will try to have mine experience both separate and together classes before middle school. There's enough to deal with then without having new class dynamics they've not dealt with before.

So I guess I do want them to be 2/1 next year. It will make some things easier for me. But I also think it will help them get more out of school, not having to worry about missing each other during the day. I do think that maybe they will choose separate in the future though and will try to honor that as well. (I'd like each of them to experience each dynamic in elementary-- AB/C, A/BC, B/AC --to make the later years easier. After all, if they don't learn how to get along it might be a long road to graduation. KWIM?

So I guess I can admit that I want them to stay close and sharing classrooms helps me to feel they can stay close. However, I also think that it has helped them adjust to school more easily having each other in the class rather than just a bunch of kids they don't know.

Sorry for the book, I'll stop typing now,

Andi
g/b/g
kindergarten triplets
will be 7 in the fall