Hi, My bgb started 2nd grade. I am having the hardest time getting into it. I feel like I'm in three different classes that I'm spreading myself to thin. It's hard for me to get to know the other parents because when there is open house at school I'm running from class to class same with class parties.

My poor ds Tyler's friends are in my ds Zackary's class so now they hangout with Zackary. My dd loves me to help in her class but I feel like I'm shorting her my time cause I help in the other 2 classes. I don't want to miss anything but it's making me nuts.

How do you handle school? Oh, I ran into a triplet Mom who told me that she (after a couple of years) had her kids put in the same class and it helped her manage school issues better. I'm thinking about doing that for 3rd grade. I asked my kids and they don't mind.
I'm not even going to get into the homework subject that's a whole other post. I just want to put my time, effort and help into 1 class and enjoy parties in 1 class, you know?

Donna Proud Mom - Tyler, Samantha, Zackary - 7 years old

I think you are being too hard on yourself. You don't have to do everything with all of your kids. I've always had my kids separated too. After kindergarten, I stopped volunteering for room mom type things like individual class parties and field trips. Don't get me wrong, I am still at the school quite often...working in the school store, or the LMC, or other miscellaneous places. The kids get excited that I am there, the teachers see me there as an "involved parent" and I meet other parents. When I realized that class parties and field trips were going to be too hard with 4 kids, I got involved with their extra-curricular stuff. I'm their scout leader so, we do plenty of field trips there and I help teach their RE class. They see me plenty. I'm involved, they are happy, I know their friends, I know their friends' parents and I am avoiding most of the "not fair, you help in his class more than my class". It has worked out very well for me and them.

I just wanted to add that we have been lucky with our school and class placements. The teachers that they have had have all been pretty good teachers and my kids all do pretty well in school. If there was specific problems with one of my kids' classes, or teacher, I would get my body in there as much as possible.

I found your statement about not getting to know the other parents surprising. I have had the opposite experience. My kids are in 3rd grade and there are 6 sections of 3rd grade. I feel like I know so many more kids, and parents because at some point, we've been with almost all of the kids. You are right that curriculum night is not the night to be super social...that is the only night of the year that having them in 3 separate classes is really miserable to me. But, you have a connection with so many more families because you have so many kids in 2nd grade. I have met so many people waiting by the school door when I am picking up my kids, or at school functions, or working in the other areas of the school...not to mention the friendships that I have made with the parents of my scouts and RE kids.

And, as far as the friends, we have been lucky to avoid that problem so far. I have all boys and they are pretty easy going, but I keep waiting for that problem to pop up. My sister and I fought about friends all of the time and we were only "Irish twins". I'm not sure how the best way to handle it is, but it does seem to me that keeping them in the same class would make it even worse. It would be more "in your face" about who is friends with who, on which day. Oye.

Good luck!!

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

You're right I am hard on myself when it comes to wanting everything to go smoothly. I do know all the kids in 2nd grade it would be nice if I could meet the parents I don't see. Again me wanting a perfect world. This Friday is the first class party and I just don't want to be the one running in and out of class rooms.

As far as my boys, I made a playdate with an old friend of my son Tyler who now is a good friend of my son Zackary. I guess I'll manage keeping friends together (and they say girls are hard).

I still think that the 3 of them in the same class would be better.
They would play with each others friends and I think it would help all around. They don't mind at all. I have time to think about this one.

Donna Proud Mom - Tyler, Samantha, Zackary 7 years old

I have done all the school combos with my boys. They were together in kindergarten, split 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade, then a 2/1 split for 4th and 5th grade, then all together in 6th grade. So I understand some of the issues you've talked about.

I wouldn't stress about the friends issues. Kids are amazingly flexible and their friendships start, stop, and slow through the years. They may be best friends with one kid one year, and a totally different one the next. The kids grow individually and keeping them together "artificially" may not keep the friendships together.

I volunteered for 11 years at the elementary school level (I have an older son). You need to cut yourself some slack. You can not be at every single event for 100% of the time. And guess what - your kids won't remember the exact quota of time you spent at every party. At this age, the kids should be enjoying the activities, not looking for special one-on-one time at a classroom party. Sometimes, I split my time by popping into each party and other times, I chose one party for each child over the year.

Volunteering in each room is great! Your sons may not be as verbal as your daughter and tell you how they feel when you are in the classroom. Some kids don't care if their parents volunteer or not. But keep doing what you are doing! You are helping the teachers, the fellow students and your own kids! If your daughter likes you in her class, keep doing what you are doing but say that you also help your brothers. And perhaps she wants some more one-on-one time with you right now and that can be done outside of the classroom.

As you make your decision, be very careful that you are doing this for your kids and not for you. What makes things easier for you may not be what's best for your kids. It's something you can decide only.

Best wishes,

Sharon
13 year old b/b/b + 17 year old son

Thank you Sharon for your input. Can I ask what was the best combo you found with your kids? My kids have been split all along except for pre-school.

Thanks again,

Donna Proud Mom - Tyler, Samantha, Zackary - 7 years old

Overall, my boys LOVED being by themselves. When they were in 1 - 3 grade, they bragged that they had the "best" teacher. It really helped them find themselves as individuals. They are each very unique kids with academic strengths and weaknesses. I have one boy with a 504 plan due to vision issues. So there was no comparison with his brothers.

Yes, it was harder for me when they were in separate classes but that's the price I decided was worth it. In the big scheme of things, they didn't care if it I was there for an entire party. I volunteered equally in each class and alternated which parties I helped plan. There are other parents around so it's not my responsibility to plan 3 identical parties.

In 4/5 grade, they were in a 2/1 split. This was fine with the boys. But the LUCKY spot was when you had your own classroom. In our situation, the boys were facing much heavier workloads and it helped me to have them together. It wasn't the exact same thing, as in the younger classes. I couldn't just teach everyone math facts in 4th grade, unlike the younger grades. But as they grew older, they were much more independent.

In 6th grade, it was just a breeze. All 3 in the same class with a WONDERFUL teacher. It was easy for me. It was not as much fun for my boys. They liked having something of their own and having the same teacher didn't give them that experience. I felt it was worth it to have such a great teacher and the alternative teachers were not as good for my boys. It was a teacher-based decision, not a put-them-together-for-my-sake decision. But it was easier for me.

Just as an FYI - the kids won't remember how long you spent in their classroom each week. They won't remember the number of minutes you spent at each party. Believe me, the party memories just sort of run in together after a few years.

You are a wonderful mom, Donna. You want fairness for your kids. It's awesome that you are so involved in the school. It really makes a difference to the teachers to have parental involvement. But relax - your kids will be fine because they have you as a mom! These early years in school are the busiest but it gets easier. Trust me.

Best wishes,

Sharon
13 year old b/b/b + 17 year old son

Sharon,

Thank you so much. You helped me to sort things out and to relax. Next year in school is hard, there is one teacher who is the teacher to have. Sad I feel, but true.

I'm going to relax and do what I can for each of my sweeties. The Halloween party they had past I went from class to class and I think it went well. I helped my dd class out and she loved that plus as I was leaving I popped in on them in the lunch room (which my boys loved).

They grow up so fast.

Donna - Proud Mom to Tyler, Samantha, Zackary - 7 years old

I have the exact same problem. I feel like I am running to each room and I really don't get to see much of anything. Every time I leave a room, I feel bad. Plus, I might be one of the few that knows how you feel about not knowing the moms. I just don't have time. I don't really know the answer to that one as it takes most of my efforts to attend the parties. I try to volunteer for as much as possible, but it's hard when you work outside the home too.

Anyway, don't have a lot of advice, just wanted you to know you are not alone! Will the school allow you to put them together next year? Ours seems to fight us on that, however, I've never really given it a good fight. Then one day I noticed a set of triplets in one of my kids' class. Hmmmm... but this year that set of triplets is separated also.

Well, good luck with keeping up!

Ann

BBG born 7/7/03
33 weeks 3 days

Hi Ann,

Our school has given us a fight about putting them together every year. This year I am sorry I didn't just fight back (I've heard from other triplet Moms that there is a law on our side, that we have a right to place them together).

Next year they will be together, first, there is only one teacher that everyone says is the best, they don't care one way or another and I need homework to be the same. It would be easier for me to do a study group at home when the work is the same. Oh I can't forget the money donations towards teacher gifts, the donations of class supplies and it will be so nice to bake one class cupcakes they 3. I'm a site to see carrying 75 cupcakes in a laundry basket.

Keep in touch let me know if you come up with something.

Donna Proud Mom - Tyler, Samantha, Zackary - 7 years old