Just wondered if any of you have struggled with this. My kids are generally great kids. Get along with others for the most part, listen to authority figures, know right from wrong. It scares me sometimes to hear them talk though.

This morning before school, they were planning what to do about a kid at school who's been being mean to them and some friends of theirs. Evidently, he has claimed ownership of one of the toys on the playground...won't let anyone else use "his" tube. (like a sewage pipe they can all crawl through etc.) Evidently he pushed one of their friends yesterday and made her fall on the ice.

Now they are plotting his demise. Which friends will be included in the uprising etc against this evil dictator. It scares me that they will be seen as ganging up on this boy.
So how do I teach them to stick up for each other without it turning into "my sister's enemy is my enemy and shall be destroyed". Or do I even need to worry about it? Maybe classmates just all need to know that if you mess with one triplet, you answer to all of them?

Mind you, if any of them thought this kid didn't deserve it they would speak up and say so....have heard them talk about kids in the past where one likes them and the other doesn't and they do seem to figure it out---like just a personality thing etc. But this kid seems to have made them all mad.

I am very curious to see how his day went today and a little worried about my little vigilantes.

Andi
g/b/g
triplets in 1st grade

My kids have not had to deal with anything like this yet. However, we have taught them to stick up for each other. In our house, you mess with one, you mess with all of them. They have also been taught to NEVER instigate...it is all in defense.

It sounds like, this little boy needs to be taken down a peg, and if the teachers are not going to do anything about it (and in my children's school, they would leave something like this for the kids to deal with) then why not let your kids and some others teach him that being a bully is not okay.

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

We had to deal with a bully situation when my kids were 3. This was a smart 3 year old - he only caused trouble when he knew no one was looking. The teachers knew he was the problem b/c wherever he was, someone was crying, but somehow they never saw it. My kids came home crying one too many times about it, before I actually instituted this as a policy.

>"my sister's enemy is my enemy and shall be
>destroyed".

Well, not destroyed, but if someone isn't nice to one of my kids, the others don't hesitate to tell the kid "you weren't nice to my sister so none of us are playing with you today". And once the other kids see that my three are refusing to play with that kid, they feel safe doing the same. So basically, if you are mean to somebody, you get ostracized by the rest of the class! Believe it or not, the teachers love it! Both have commented to me numerous times that this is the most peaceful class they have ever had! (Of course things will change next year when we aren't 1/4 of the class!)


My kids would never use the power of multiples unnecessarily (we have talked about it ad nauseum), but

>classmates just all know that if you mess with one
>triplet, you answer to all of them

Given that my kids are small and wimpy, I'm glad they have each other!! And I don't mind a bit them enforcing kindness!

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Just thought I'd update as to what happened. Evidently the boy decided to play elsewhere for recess. Not sure if it had anything to do with the plotting going on or not.
It is nice to know that my kids do have each other, though they don't always play together. I love the idea of the class ostracizing the mean kid. Lets just hope that our multiples continue to be on the side of good, not evil

Andi
g/b/g
triplets in 1st gr.
born Aug. 2003

I have zero tolerance for bullies. Seems like the OTHER kid is the bully here, not yours. If the bully is putting his hands on other children IMO, bystanders have to right to stick up for them. I've delt with kids bullying my 9 and 6 yr old. I told both of them that if someone causes harm to them it is ok to defend themselves. My 6 yo then asked if he could punch the bully in his face. I just said that if someone is hurting him he can do whatever he needs to do to defend himself. I haven't had either one of them actually physically fight back however, I do think them knowing that they will not get in trouble at home has given them more confidence with their words at school. I know a lot of people don't agree with this but I really could care less. I was bullied in school and I didn't find my confidence until 11th grade. After that, those idiot people knew to leave me alone. I refuse to have my kids go through school and be bullied. If that means I need to teach them to defend themselves at age 6 or 9, so be it.
I already had a situation like this with my BBB last year, they were 3. It happened right in front of me. One of the boys at preschool was creaming at one of mine saying, "YOU'RE A BABY, YOU'RE A BABY, YOU'RE A BABY." He was saying it because mine sucks his thumb. So, my son started crying and before I could even say anything his 2 brother were right there with him and yelling at the other boy, "NO YOU'RE A BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY!" The other boy started crying and ran away. I didn't say a word. I was so proud!

Crazy mom to:
DS 10
DS 7
& BBB 5!
9/29/06 born @ 32w2d

I have 8 year old bbb's and I would definitely not encourage them to gang up on anyone. Don't get me wrong, if there is an immediate problem, we are absolutely teaching them to do what they need to do to protect themselves and their brothers. But, as far as going back and "teaching other kids a lesson", I really do not feel that they are near mature enough to be ganging up on other kids.

I also think that my kids are pretty well-behaved, but I would not trust them to get all of the facts right and be certain that this kid deserves to be "taught a lesson" by a bunch of 6 year olds. Kids at 8, and 6, and especially 3 are extremely self-centered and are not capable of looking at other issues that could be involved. If it were me, I'd probably send them back to school and tell them to go together to play on the equipment, if the kid won't let them, they should tell the kid that they can play on it because it is for everyone. If that doesn't work, they can tell the lunch ladies, or tell me and I'll call the teacher to let them know that there is a problem on the playground. If your kids gang up on a kid to teach him a lesson, then that kid is going to get his friends to gang up on your kids for being mean to him...and nobody will remember how this the whole thing started. And, the story his parents get will not include the part about the playset, only the part about how your kids ostracized their kid.

I guess that I've watched my "good kids" make enough bad choices that it makes me very frustrated to watch other kids try to ostrasize anyone in the name of good. Natural consequences are good...if you are being mean, I'm not going to play with you until you are being nice. Not, that is a mean kid...stay away!

We have to remember that we are lucky that with having triplets our kids are able to work out a lot of bad social behavior in the privacy of our home, but for a lot of kids, especially in 1st grade, they are still learning and trying to figure out their peers. I'm sure any of us would be mortified if it were our kid kicking kids off the play equipment, and really hope that we could find a way to teach him that it is not appropriate behavior, and really, really hope that he learns how to act and how to make friends... and we'd be really upset, and sad, and mad to find out that a gang of triplets took it upon themselves to teach him a lesson and declared him the mean kid.

JMO. I hope it is all worked out and life improves on the playground.

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

We went through a bully situation last year and before it all blew up in school. My ds took matters in his own hands at the playground. This boy was picking on my other ds a little too much his brother(I have bgb) grabbed the bully and threw him on the ground. I got a little upset but after they told me what happened I was happy that he threw him down. This boy was bad!
We have told our bgb to stick up for each other, to have each others back, we also tell them not to pick on anyone, which they don't. We also tell them that if they see their brother or sister alone in the lunchroom to go over and sit with them. We are very proud with how they are with each other (it helps when at home they fight with each other over everything...lol).

Donna Proud Mom to Tyler, Samantha, Zackary soon to be 8 YEARS OLD!!!