I just picked up my 2 fourth grade boys from school. They were suspended for fighting. Thank goodness it was only with each other - but still!!

They fight all the time. Not really *fight* per se (with punches, etc) but they can't keep their hands off each other. In this case the teacher said they were rolling on the floor punching (they said they were pushing to get away. I believe them because that's usually how it goes - then again I don't think it makes any difference if they were punching or pushing!).

They have NEVER touched another child, this is strictly between them. It's a problem we have been working on with them for pretty much their entire lives. Most people will say "they've been wrestling since the womb, what do you expect?" But I am not willing to accept that. What I would like is if anyone has any advice on how to get them to stop doing this! I guess in retrospect we're lucky this didn't happen sooner. They've been able to control themselves at school (which is one reason they MUST have separate classrooms!). So -- any tips?? Please and thank you!!

Kari S.

Mom to BBB 21, 18, 14
BBG 9/25/01

Do they get enough sensory input? Have they ever had sensory issues? My son is constantly hanging on / pushing / pulling / yanking around his sisters. We all know that means he needs some input, and once he gets it, he will get off them for a while. He doesn't do it to anyone other than family members, I assume b/c he is most comforable with us. But when he is seeking that input, he truly cannot stop himself! I will be telling him to stop and he will be saying "yes Mom" and then seem surprised when he gets called down for the exact same thing 2 seconds later!

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I've never thought of that. I think they do... But it does seem similar in that they can't seem to help it. What do you mean by "sensory input"?

Kari S.

Mom to BBB 21, 18, 14
BBG 9/25/01

>What do you
>mean by "sensory input"?

I don't know how early your kids were, but a lot of preemies have sensory integration issues. They had a lot of "negative input" to their senses in the NICU (needle sticks, bili lights, etc.) instead of the normal love & constant human contact that most babies start with. Their nervous systems can get a little out of whack from it.

Every person on the planet has some sensory quirks - things that affect your 5 main senses in abnormal ways. I can't stand wet paper, like wet straw wrappers. Touching them seriously makes me want to hurl. But obviously that doesn't interfere with my ability to live a normal life.

Some people have more sensory issues. If it interferes with normal life, it is called sensory integration disorder. One of my kids is a "sensory avoider" - loud noise, lots of bright lights, etc. make her shut down. Gooey foods make her gag & puke (like too much syrup on pancakes).

Another child is a "sensory seeker" - constantly flopping on sofas, spinning around in circles, hugging too hard, etc. Like CONSTANTLY. Your kids may not be to the extreme, but this is what I am wondering about.

Google sensory integration disorder / sensory processing, or search this website and you will find lots of info. Your kids may not have the full blown disorder, but as we are all on the continuum somewhere, they just need more input than your average joe. You probably know adults like this - those people who do high-impact exercise like jogging or aerobics and can't function without doing so. That kind of thing.

It's really easy to provide sensory input - google "heavy work" for lots of suggestions. A trampoline or bounce house is the easiest way. We also installed a swing in a doorway to help. Wheelbarrow walking (ankles in a friend's hands, walking on hands), carrying heavy bags of groceries, etc. I have a friend who walks her kids to school every day, and has them jump the entire way from the flagpole to the school's front door. If they do it, they are great in school that day. On days when they don't, they are seeking input in ways that cause trouble.

If providing regular sensory input doesn't help, and after reading more about SPD you think it may apply, you may want an OT evaluation.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Thanks! Something to think about.

Kari S.

Mom to BBB 21, 18, 14
BBG 9/25/01

My girls got in trouble a couple of years back for fighting with each other. I think they were in 3rd grade. Like your boys, pushing . . . maybe hitting. They weren't suspended, but the principal spoke with them and with me. Of course, my husband and I got after them as well. We've never had any trouble with them fighting with other kids either, but they do like to pick on each other.

The conference with the principal scared them out of fighting in school again. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if it happens again in the future (maybe in middle school, yikes!). Hopefully, your boys have learned their lesson.

Good luck! -- Gloria

Having three boys, I can sympathize with the constantly touching each other. Do you have them in separate classrooms? I have found that them having a little space in the day away from each other truly helps my boys.

I stopped giving time outs awhile ago and now they get grounded from some of their favorite things, especially electronics. If I take away the PC, DS, video games or TV (and sometimes all of that) they seems to get it better than anything else. I also have a reserve of truly awful chores that they do alone if they can't behave, like cleaning up dog poop.

It's kind of a tough age in that they are trying to be big kids, but still have flashes of that baby age too.

Kim
Nate, Nick & Noel(36w4d)and Nia.

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Kim, all of that sounds familiar! I ground mine the same way and it works well.

They are in separate classes so this happened just before school while they were waiting in the gym. I could NEVER EVER have them in the same class!

Kari S.

Mom to BBB 21, 18, 14
BBG 9/25/01

I have no advice.

My boys don't really fight very often. But on DS & DD are like oil and water. They never get physical with each other. But I swear if DD was a boy they would. LOL They just don't like each other most of the time, and really get on each others nerves. It makes me sad really.


Terri~
12/21/01 at 33 weeks