At what point do I really put my foot down and force my kids to start dressing differently?

My kids are 6.5 years old, but were held back so are in kindergarten now. I also have a younger child - 5 years old. My girls all look very similar, though they do not look identical.

The 3 girls want, or maybe I should say insist, on dressing the same every day. We inherit most of our clothes from my sister (who has twins + 1, so the sizes work out), and they match a lot, but they are all in different classes, so no one sees them in the same clothing. Slightly different situation than my kids, who are together all the time.

I have tried and tried to encourage them to pick different things to wear, but somewhere along the line they got the idea that if they dressed the same, people would actually look at their faces and learn to tell them apart rather than relying on their clothing. (Someone at church told them that, and they latched on.)

So at what age does it become just ridiculous to dress matching your siblings, to the point that it is worth the major fights I am going to have to go through to enforce this? Are we there yet? Or am I OK just letting it slide for a while longer, and then hoping they outgrow it?

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

My kids are also 6 and in kindergarten, but in separate classes. My girls are identical and they actually prefer to dress differently so that people can tell them apart. They would never think of wearing the same clothes so that people would have to work harder to tell them apart. Their thinking is just not that sophisticated yet.

Honestly, I don't think you're at the point yet of making this an issue. I have a strong feeling that as they mature, they will actually want to look different from each other. They'll want to be their own individuals and will try hard to differentiate themselves from their siblings. I really would not worry about this if I were you. They will outgrow it.

That's my 2 cents.

Good luck to you.

Joan
mom to Caroline, Erin and Robbie
born 9/26/05 @ 35 weeks
visit us at http://www.babyhomepages.net/greenetriplets

I just don't want them to be those weird 80+ year old ladies who have dressed the same every single day of their entire lives, and have never had relationships other than with each other!!!

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I say go with it at this age. If it makes them comfortable and confident, who cares if they are matchy-matchy or not. It must make laundry day a lot easier at your house, too!

When they want to, they will start asserting their own style. To force the issue when they aren't ready might actually make them cling to it in an unhealthy way.

Sheila
GGB 10/29/06 (and sometimes they all 3 match, other times they don't)

NOW! I got this crazy email from one of my really good friends 2 days ago. She was invited to a family party and when she showed up, her cousin's husband's sisters were there. They were 62 year old identical twins and still wore the same clothes and had the exact same eyeglasses and hairstyle. My friend was DYING. They never married and still live together.

Uh, start NOW.

You are sooooo lucky. My three girls insisted dressing differently since 4 yro.. Makes me sad some days. I insist on Mothers day and family picture day they coordinate.

I ran into ID twin women in their 60s MARRIED dressed alike. Soooo cute. They told me they don't do it all the time. .

I say let it slide. They still look cute dressed alike at age 6. My girls eventually outgrew wearing similar outfits (they usually wore same outfit in different colors) and now avoid it down to their shoes! They do wear identical school uniforms, but so does every other kid in school.

Gloria

I don't see what the issue is really. If they are choosing to dress alike then just let them. Isn't forcing them to dress different treating them less as individuals as forcing them to dress alike would be? Making it out to be a big issue is only going to make them dig their heals in and want to do it longer. Increase your odds of having 60yo women that dress alike. If it isn't a big deal to you then it won't be as big a deal to you. Mine still dress alike some at 11 and I think they only do it because I made such a big deal about not wanting them to do it when they were K age. They did exactly what I said, dug their heals in and insisted on continuing to spite me. I regret it and really it wasn't a big issue. I just hate the looks like I was forcing them to dress alike when I didn't dress them alike before they wanted to. Now I don't make an issue and they don't do it near as much. Mostly at school (uniform).

Tasha
Have children afraid of monsters or just looking for a fun kids app? http://www.goawaymonster.com/

>I
>just hate the looks like I was forcing them to dress alike
>when I didn't dress them alike before they wanted to. Now I
>don't make an issue and they don't do it near as much.

OK, I admit it, that probably sums up the issue! Concern about what others think. I need to quit worrying about what other people think.

When we were moving from Memphis to Charlotte, Chuck moved several months ahead of me. He started his new job, and I was left behind with 3 two year olds and a not-quite 1 year old to sell the house. At one point, all 4 kids got sick. With no other adult in the house, I had to take all 4 out for medicine, and needless to say we all looked like hell. Someone behind me in the checkout line commented, loudly, about how people shouldn't have kids they couldn't care for, "fertility babies" were an abomination, etc. etc. I just stood there, face burning, and hoping the checkout lady would hurry up. (I kick myself for not responding!)

I have obsessed over that comment ever since. I try to make sure my kids ALWAYS look more neat & clean & cared for than your average kid, every single time we leave the house. And so I worry about what other people think when my kids are all dressed so matchy-matchy. You are right - if I quit worrying about it, maybe it will die a natural death...

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I have done a complete turn around on this, IDK why. When my kids were little I used to think it was weird to dress them alike except for pics and holidays, I never dressed them the same ever. Now the boys go to school almost everyday dressed the same. For one the hubby takes them to school and its almost easier for him to dress them if they are the same, again IDK why. Also my kids are so vastly different and have such different personalities and for one has struggles... Maybe in some way I dress them alike for his comfort but honesty I dont think he would care either way. MY DS that has OCD cares more about it than anyone else and he only cares some days.... But they do have to have the same shoes, always or one has better shoes.... ahhh

BBG 6/21/06

I don't think that it is a big deal when they dress alike for kindergarten. I have all boys so, kindy was the end of dressing them alike for me. I'm thinking for girls it is probably ok for longer, but I thought my boys outgrew the "cuteness" of it about the time they turned 6 and were starting 1st grade.

Having said that, I would really wonder why it is so important to your girls to dress alike. If it is just that they are using clothes to exert their independence and make their own choices, I'm sure that that is fine. But, if there is a security/confidence issue, or if they are looking for even more attention for their triplet-ness, I would really start pushing some individual skills/hobbies/interests to give them a stronger sense of self.

I apologize if I'm reading too much into your post, but the way you described their "insistence" kind of struck me.

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

>Having said that, I would really wonder why it is so important
>to your girls to dress alike. If it is just that they are
>using clothes to exert their independence and make their own
>choices, I'm sure that that is fine. But, if there is a
>security/confidence issue, or if they are looking for even
>more attention for their triplet-ness, I would really start
>pushing some individual skills/hobbies/interests to give them
>a stronger sense of self.
>

Someone at church, a long time ago, made some comment to one of them about how when they were dressed the same, she had to look at their faces to tell them apart rather than just relying on their clothing. They latched onto that comment like glue! They are convinced that if they dress differently, people will figure out their name for the day based on what they are wearing that day, but if they are dressed the same, people will really look and figure out who is who.

I should mention that these girls are definitely related and look very similar, but do NOT look absolutely identical to anyone who looks closely. And their personalities & the way they move are night and day. So anyone who makes half an effort can tell them apart easily. But of course 3/4 of the population never makes that effort and isn't around them enough to figure it out unintentionally.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I wouldn't sweat it, at some point they are going to stop it on their own.

Kim
Nate, Nick & Noel(36w4d)and Nia.

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They will outgrow it. Here is a link that I found of a couple with triplets plus one, that used common sense with their 15-year old triples and 13 year old.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Um3g3cssOo

My three girls are the opposite and never dress alike. They complain if someone buys them matching clothes. I thought it was so funny the other day when two of them decided to wear matching, but different colored shirts and they came up stairs and said, "Look, Mom, we're twins!"
Ha!

Don't really have advice about when to stop the matching, but I say go with your gut. If you think it's time for them to stop maybe you can find some way to entice them to wear different clothes?? But if it's gonna be a big fight, maybe wait 6 mos and try again. Good luck!