I have triplet boys that are 6 years old. They are in Kindergarten in three seperate classrooms.
We have just received information that the school is considering holding one of the triplets back to repeat Kindergarten.
With the possibility looming in the air of having two triplets in 1st grade next year and one in Kindergarten we wanted to know if anyone else has had this happen and how you are handling the social aspects of this common situation that creates other issues with multiples

This has always been a fear of mine.
Did they give you any reasons? The school year is only half over, there is still so much more time for your child to catch up.
Is there any thing you can do to prevent this? Meaning extra time working with him at home. Is there a transitional first grade?
If it were me, my trio is also in K,
I would really be concerned about the psychological effects it would have on the one being held back. I am not a teacher, just a mother, but I would be really worried about his self esteem knowing that for the rest of his academic life he will be behind his siblings.
We all know boys tend to mature slower and it is very hard for them to sit still and pay attention is class. I would have a discussion with the principal, the counselor, the teacher and find out if there is anything you can do. I wonder if anyone else has had to hold a child back and how it worked out?


Gina mom to BBG born 2-4-03 at 37 weeks
and surprise baby boy 11-21-07

This is not a surprise at all and it is definitely due to maturity and readiness. There is no way to push when a child becomes "ready to learn". He has always been behind developmentally.
We had our triplets through egg donation and surrogacy and two of the triplets inherited a genetic metabolic disorder.
They are weaker but it does not affect IQ or learning ability.

I guess if both affected boys needed to be delayed it would be less of a problem. In pre school they advanced each of the triplets forward into the next age group when they were ready individually and they NEVER advanced at the same time. We have been raising them as three individuals that happen to share a birthday and try not to refer to them as a unit but as individuals.

My main concern is on a social level how to handle this IF this happens. It is still too early and no final decision has been made but I want to be ready. We cannot push him forward just for social reasons that would lead to other social issues if he cannot keep up in class. Our eldest singleton is 8 1/2, he is in 3rd grade with ADHD and is one of the youngest boys in the class. We pushed him forward and have seen him struggle every year. We do not want to do that to this son.

We are looking for some realisitic support from families that understand multiple issues and how to handle this emotional issue if it comes to fruition in August. We want to be prepared to help prepare the kids.

Jay dad to BBB born 1-2-03 at 32 1/2 weeks
and singleton boy born 7-10-00
all through gestaional surrogacy and egg donation.

I totally understand. This is a great forum with so many people and so many experiences. I know the subject of holding one back has been brought up in the past. I hope those who have been there done that see your post and can offer lots of support and advice.
Best of luck to you!

Gina mom to BBG born 2-4-03 at 37 weeks
and surprise baby boy 11-21-07

I would really give thought to the impact on the child being held back, and would consider retaining all three. What month were your kids born?

Our school wanted to advance one of my triplets a year. We wouldn't do it. I wasn't willing to do something that might benefit one, but would potentially be harmful to the other two.

Good luck with your decision.

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

Hi

I was in the same boat last year that you are in now. My one son had struggled with pre-K and kindergraten and the school wanted to retain him back in K. This son already thought that his brother could do no wrong and that he was stronger, smarter, and funnier the he was. So about this time last year we meet with the school and explained our concerns with them. They understood the situation and were able to get him some extra help the rest of the year. I also talked with a resource room counselor who gave us the opinion that holding kids back rarely is the answer. So although they recommended the he be held back we said no put him thru but with the understanding that I would get him extra help in the summer as well. I was able to find a tutoring service to take him to throughout the summer that seemed to be the help he needed. He started first grade a little behind but with a great first grade teacher and still getting the tutoring he has been able to catch up with rest of the grade and now is holding his own fine. I've even been able to stop the tutoring for now and see how he does--if needed we will have him go again in the summer.

kim in mi
nick, william, and elizabeth 11/21/2001

Boy this has to be hard. What about holding all 3 back? That may not be possible. Can they give him extra help? What about convening for a new IEP to get him help. Summer school too. Tutoring, etc.

My concern would be the psychological aspect. Eventually they are all going to know and figure it out and so will their friends. Kids can be so mean. It's harder to "fix" psychological issues than it is to give a child more help in learning.

Talk to the teachers and spec ed, learning coaches etc. Have a heart to heart with the principal. Maybe bring in the school or district psychologist. The school year is only half over.

good luck!
Karen

Mom to 5 Beauties
Allison,12,Grace,8
Margaret, Melissa, Michelle (6/20/02--34weeks 1day)

Showing other MOMS how to stay home, BE HEALTHIER and earn extra income!
www.ImagineBALANCE.com/TakeChargeNow

I think this is a fear of many with multiples, especially when they are at different levels academically. I just had a conversation with our school principal on this subject. I have one DS who is below grade level in Math & Language arts. Our school teaches at three levels in each class, below, on and above grade level. I have one kid in each level. I constantly worry about DS who is below grade level. He is doing very well in class so that is good. But I have to be on top of things. I made a comment to the principal in a meeting recently that "God forbid DS stay back". Well she called me in the office a week later because my statement bothered her. She said I should be more open to the idea of holding a child back, not implying that was the case now. Why? Because she held her son back when he was in grade school and she never regretted it. I appreciated her opinion, but told her that she didn't have multiples and it's a whole other ball game. I told her I would do tutoring and anything else I could before I even considered that option.

I would post this same question in the Vet's forum and see if you get more of a response from people who have had to do this. I am interested too.


Terri~
12/21/01 at 33 weeks

I am interested in this topic as well. My boys are now in 8th grade. One has great grades, the other two are borderline failing. I'm worried because next year is high school. It has been suggested that maybe the two need to repeat 8th grade. I just don't think I can do it.

Lisa
Cameron - 15
Carter, Jordan, Brenden - 13

btt

After much thought and talking we have deicided to treat each child as an individual and not as a unit. The boys go to a private school in an accelerated program.
Our eldest singleton has ADHD and is the youngest mal in his class. Now he is in third and we see him struggle.
His experience throughout school helped me understand readiness.
The triplet that needs more time has an amazing ego and persona that he handles any social situation with ease.
He is just not ready to sit and learn and doesn't know his letters and is very silly and immature.
One of the other triplets is using words like plethora, dirth, lavatory and prefer. I cannot hold him back to subdue a potential problem with one. I will just be creating a problem if I hold a child back that IS ready.

So, we have decided that although they share a birthday we will keep treating them as individuals as we always have and deal with their own individual problems as they arrise.

They are all fraternal they look and act nothing alike. They are even different heights at this point.

Thank you all for your feedback.

Jay

Boca Raton FL

This subject is one that is definitely difficult to face.

The problem with being held back isn't as big of an issue now as it is when the child is older. I remember in school having a friend who was a twin, and he was held back a year in the first grade. When it came time to graduating and getting 'out' in the world, he was still going to high school until 19 years of age.... very difficult for him.

Hopefully anyone facing a situation like this will be able to get extra help for their child(ren), and allow them to stay with others their same age.

Rick & Carole

BBG bientôt

My high school boyfriend was a fraternal twin. He was in 11th grade and his twin was in 10th. They were nothing alike; they had different friends, different interests, and I don't think anyone cared or noticed that V was held back. I bet may people didn't even know they were twins.

Now flash forward many years, V. from what I heard is a successful police officer and his brother M. does tv show editing.

I'm sure your boys will be fine!

Jami
mom to 7 year old BGG,
9 year old G, & 11 year old G

I grew up with a set of boy/girl twins that were in separate grades. The girl (Maija) was a year behind her brother (Travis) because she was dyslexic and had trouble in school when she was young so they held her back in 1st grade I believe. They actually seemed to love being in separate grades because it let them really be individuals and make their own friends.

I'm sure it was a difficult decision for their parents, but definitely the right one in the long run.


HTH,

Jenn