This is to inquire as to what others are experiencing if your triplets are in separate classes (early elementary) and to encourage your input.

Questions:
With your triplets in separate classes, are you seeing the same homework, tests, grading policies, expectations etc. in all 3 classes?

If the school allows the teachers broad flexibility, would you consider putting your triplets in the same class?

Situation:
My GGG have been in separate classes since K - excellent students, teachers wanted them tested for "gifted" blah, blah, blah - I am not one of those parents - my kids are bright - not Little Man Tate's - they are fine in the standard classroom as "there is more to school than academics" is usually my motto. However, I am now seeing a difference in how their grades are determined. The one who is receiving the satisfactory grades is usually the one who excels at everything academically and she is getting frustrated with her grades being just satisfactory. The other two are excelling. (I do not make a big deal about grades. I do not share nor do I hide their grades from one another. For the most part, it is a non-issue. "Here are your grades? Did you do your best?" "That's all I expect of you. Good job. Are you pleased with your grades? . . . ") I am now seeing a change the one's approach to her work, almost 'well if all I am going to get is a satisfactory grade, then I am only going to put satisfactory effort into it.' I have a confernence scheduled with the teacher. This is a new school, there was a teacher change after Thanksgiving break, so this could be part of it . . . or is this the "dumbing down of girls" that I have heard about. I would appreciate your input to the above questions as to what you have experienced and what you would do. THANK YOU!

My girls are split 2x2 in K. We haven't hit the "grades" age, yet, but I could see us having some of the same issues you are facing.

So far, it appears that a lot of the units are taught at the same time in each grade level. So I think all 2nd grade classes do the animal report at the same time. I've at least seen that with my DS in 1st grade with a couple of teachers. Our K teachers do the same, with some minor variations. But we use those moments to teach that we won't all have the same experiences in life. We are dealing with that in regard to one teacher having "child of the week" and on not. One asked for pictures for a little fun project, the other did not. And then there is the invitation to friends' homes. So by the time we hit the age that your girls are at, I'm hoping they have been exposed to the "life is not fair" mantra enough.

BUT, I would be concerned (as you are)with your DD's reaction to the grading, not with the teachers having somewhat different standards and judgement. It could be that if your DD was a singleton, that she'd be reacting the same way. But having same-age siblings to compare with just seems to make it more complicated. I would definitely conference with the teacher. I hope the teacher understands that you really are trying to raise your girls as individuals and that you don't expect them to have equal experiences, otherwise you'd place them together.

A thought that occured to me is that the teacher is marking her "satisfactory" because she knows your DD can do more/better and she's trying to encourage that. If so, then it's backfiring and adjustments have to be made.

And it could be that the teacher is just not that in tune with your DD, in which case, you have the challenge of impressing upon your DD that it's important to do your best for yourself, not because of outside judgements, etc. That you expect nothing less than her full effort, so she can feel good inside about herself.

I hope you'll update after your conference. I see this same thing playing out with a couple of my girls down the road. One in particular who is very affected by words and by how others (authority figures) view her.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

My kids are in seperate classes and the teachers all have different styles and the homework etc. varies. Two of the teachers (they are in the school a long time) seem to give very similar homework although one teacher gives a lot more then the other! The other teacher who is only new gives homework that is totally different and in my opinion not as beneficial! As to tests and report cards my daughter is by far the brightest on paper compared to my two boys but in reality struggles more with maths then the boys do - you would not know this by reading her test card results. I try not to compare - I think they will change teachers again next year and as long as they are doing ok I dont want to upset things. As to your daughter feeling she should not try harder that is a difficult one. One of my boys feels he is no good at reading and will try and avoid it by saying 'I can't do it' etc. All you can do is encourage and praise. Good Luck

BGB - Born December 2000

Thank you so much for your replies. It is trully appreciated. It is beneficial for me to learn what occurs in other areas and to consider other viewpoints.

To update . . . the plot thickened, as it took a turn that I did not see coming . . . well, at least not all of it.

We (husband and I) met with the teacher, for which she informed us of the "recent personality/behavior changes" of our DD in class - teacher says that she no longer participates in class, teacher now has "to pull answers out of her", she was not enthusiastic about sharing her project, (and most disturbing)she handed in a classroom assignment yesterday with speech bubbles saying 'I hate people' which teacher thinks has to do with what transpired at my DD's table while doing the classroom assignment. Whatever it was . . . I suggested(but would have required)getting a guidance counselor (GC) involved at this point. Teacher was agreeable.

I spoke with GC today. It was an informative, productive conversation for which I learned that there is significant flexibility in the determination of grades. What one teacher may determine as satisfactory, another teacher may be view it as unsatisfactory or excelling - that is too ambiguous for my analytical mind. While there is a lot of surrounding circumstances and details which is far too much to post, I was able to share my philosophy with the GC. To sum it up:

'I/We can not manipulate the world to meet the needs of my/our children. However, while I still have the very little control that I do have, it is my responsibility, as a parent, to try to influence (for the betterment) those environments that are responsible for molding my child.'

And, yes, I am open to learning how I have contributed to this issue and how I can improve.

My girls have heard and have learned many of the lessons - "life is not always fair" (oh that one is going to be a heartbreaker in the future for me! so far some tough lessons, but nothing that they have not been able to comprehend), "do your best-for yourself - for how it makes you feel", "stand up for what is right" etc. etc. Through my actions, I hope to exhibit these. And this one here: "Ask for help!" So once again, I thank you for your replies. I wish you and your families the best of health, love, and laughter.

It was so much easier when they were babies! Who knew!?!

Side note: I casually approached my GGG on the possibility of being in one class next year. One is adamantly against it. I do not believe that is really the right solution either, but she cracked me up! They are so much fun - I just love being multiply blessed!!!

Any other input or new thoughts are encouraged and welcomed.

My 3 have been separated since 2nd grade, they're now in 4th. All the teachers have different teaching and grading methods - but I figure that is just life and they have to get used to it. What I try to do is not allow them to see each others report cards - I know that they're more of a reflection of teacher philosophy than my childs ability especially mid year, by the end of the year they all end up about equal, but the comparing becomes competitive and I prefer to sit with each one individually to go over their grades.

I separated for k and 1st. 2nd grade we put 2 together and 1 separate. We did this for 2 reasons, 1. I can't stand the other 2 teachers (really horrible and just don't like kids) and 2. I can't keep up with the homework of 3 different classes. It has proven to be easier this year. The teachers are completely different with expectations, grading, styles.... For 3rd grade I am going to push to keep the same 2 together and the other one separate. The 2 that are together just go their own ways and don't give the teacher problems about being siblings (KWIM?). The other one really can't be with her sisters, she would annoy the living daylights out of them. She is a button pusher! So far this has worked out for all involved.

Khrissys3girls

Mommy to Lindsey, Kaylee, & Carly born 8/30/01 at 31 weeks
AND John Thomas born 1/17/06 at 39w3d

http://lilypie.com>

http://lilypie.com>[/i

Thank you so much for the additional replies ladies.

Much has transpired since my original post . . . our situation sounds very similar to yours 'Mommy to Lindsey, Kaylee, & Carly' as we now have 2 girls in one class and 1 girl in her own class.

I respected the one's wishes who was adamant about being in her own class (she is also our button pusher!). The other one said, "I like being in my own class, but if it is best for my sissy to be in a class with me, then it's ok with me." I jumped on this as I have much respect and admiration of her particular teacher. There was not time to try another class - I had to go with what I know - this teacher is excellent. My other daughter was NOT getting what she needed psychologically or academically from 2nd grade - and there is only 3 months left. There were significant communication issues with the teacher - with my daughter and with us (my husband and I). The teacher seemed to make up her own rules and guidelines without knowing what the school and/or school board had previously communicated! And, I was becoming the primary academic teacher for my one daughter, she was withdrawing in class, there were behavioral changes (negative)at home, etc.

As previously said, I can't not manipulate the world to meet the needs of my children, but while I have a little influence left, it is my parental responsibility to exercise it. Thank goodness that the school administration and our wonderful principal allows us that flexibility.

It's only been a week, but so far, so good.

'Mommy to Lindsey, Kaylee, & Carly', if you would not mind sharing more of your experience, have your girls ever had a 'sister' issue within the class and if so how did you handle it? And, wishing you best of success with your plan!