Hi,

It looks like we are a rare breed! I'm sorry you get little help from your ex. With me, we separated a couple weeks after the kids turned 3. I was completely shocked and wasn't expecting it. But, I have to say, even though my ex wasn't a good husband, he is a good father. From the beginning he continued to help me, coming over almost every night to get me through dinner, baths and bed. It was tough being around him during that time. I was sooo angry with him, but I also was sooo overwhelmed that I needed the help. I also didn't want to let him off the hook by leaving me all the work. Sometimes I would go to the grocery or run errands while he took care of the kids at my house. Now, things are pretty good. He keeps them overnight a couple nights a week and comes over on Thursday nights to help finish homework, etc. We are able to be in the same room together without killing each other, so that's a blessing. I have no family in town, but he has tons. They ALL are angry at him and have supported me from the beginning. In fact, I get invited to the holiday celebrations and he doesn't. It's a little strange.

But, that all being said, it is still very tough. The nights that I am on my own are exhausting. There simply isn't enough time in the day to do all the things we need to do. Forget about playing together. It's just trying to do what we HAVE to to make it to tomorrow. I hate that I have to be in this situation and would just like to be a normal family. My exhaustion leads to me getting angry when I shouldn't and things like that. I want to be a fun happy mom, but when you are doing it on your own, it's hard to deal with it all and enjoy it too. Sometimes you are just trying to survive.

Anyway, glad we could connect. I hope to hear from a few more moms like us!

Tracy
Mommy to Lindsey, Patrick and Brooke
Born 1-14-03 at 32weeks, 3 days and ^i^ twins Dylan 1-12-02 and Cole 1-21-02

I'm divorced too.
I left my ex when my trio were 1.
I hate dealing with him for all the reasons I hated being married to him, but we share custody. He takes the kids every other weekend from Friday after work thru Monday morning. It's bitter sweet since I get a lot done but miss them!

I have a partner though. My boyfriend and I have been together since my ex and I split in '05. So for that and other things I am very lucky, but I still have to deal with the ex- and all the stuff that goes along with being divorced and having 4 kids!

Jami
mom to 7 year old BGG,
9 year old G, & 11 year old G

I didn't respond to this initially because I am not technically a "divorced mom." I am, however, single and I found that I would be very lonely without my kids on the weekends, but being able catch up on the laundry and putz around the house would be nice sometimes.

Of course, I'm also grateful that I don't have to deal with that whole "ex" thing and having to split up my kids' lives.

Anyway, it's good to know there are other single moms here.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

I will soon be divorced..next week or so. have been separated for almost 1 year. It has been very hard for me...I have 10 yrs old triplets and a 4 yr old(adopted). It hit me in the face like a freight train. My soon ex to be is 56 and has a girlfriend 30 yrs old......our employee..had been going on for a while..asked her to marry him over a yr ago...do the math .....yep..while still sleeping in my bed and showed no signs of infedelity...i will be much better off

I will soon be divorced..next week or so. have been separated for almost 1 year. It has been very hard for me...I have 10 yrs old triplets and a 4 yr old(adopted). It hit me in the face like a freight train. My soon ex to be is 56 and has a girlfriend 30 yrs old......our employee..had been going on for a while..asked her to marry him over a yr ago...do the math .....yep..while still sleeping in my bed and showed no signs of infedelity...i will be much better off

I'm divorced too, Almost 5 years now. It is exhausting but it gets a bit easier as they get older and more independent. I've been dating off and on over the past 5 yrs. Only 2 were serious and both flaked on me. I get the same things- 4 kids puts a lot of men off. For the ones that can deal with the idea of 4 kids, well, once they find out about the challenges my kids and I deal with each day,( Down syndrome, ADHD, CP, Aspergers) well, they leave too. I've given up on dating for the time being.

For day to day stuff, I learned to let some of it go. laundry and dishes will always be there. Now that my kids are older, they help with some of the chores. they actually fight over who gets to mop or wash windows. LOL I had to buy extra swiffer mops.
I get me time when they go to their dad's house. That's when I do my volunteer work, read a book, visit friends, sleep late. see a movie, eat a hot meal.
My ex helps out more now than when we were married. He's also pretty involved with the kids- takes the boys to Cub Scouts, hockey, goes to all the school stuff, ballet recitals, etc. I'm currently unemployed and so I get the bulk of dealing with kids being ill and such.

Korrie~
^i^B/G/G 24 w 3d,1/17/00
B 10/31/01
B 1/27/03

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Can I jump in here? Camille, it sounds like you're relationship is a lot like mine was. My husband "checked out" in March 08. The triplets were just over 2, and my son was 3. He finally moved out this past March 09 after months of me begging him to go to counseling, make it better, etc. He is very passive-aggressive and narcissistic (my therapists words), which has made it very hard to move forward. It's been getting better every day/week/month. Plus I've had 15 months to prepare for this. It does get better in a lot of ways, but be prepared for the mental abuse to escalate. He will come at you full force when you make the move to get out from the dysfunctional relationship....at least that's what my husband did. Tried to guilt me into believing it's all my fault, etc. Which it's not, it takes two to tango, and I could make your head spin with the tales of everything he's done in this relationship over our 10 years of marriage.

As for being the sole caretaker for the kids, the hardest part is working full time at my "job" during the day, then working full time in the evening at my "second job" as mommy to the kids. Not to mention my role as mommy, daddy, housekeeper, lawn technician, household repair-woman, chef, etc etc. It's daunting, but I take it one day at a time. My ex does come over every Wed evening to see the kids, but he doesn't get here until 6pm, then leaves when they go to bed at 7:30pm. Then he does the every other weekend thing too. I miss my kids terribly, but I get so much done on those weekends. As for dating, I've just been reconnecting with old girlfriends and spending time with them out and about. I've met a few men, and one in particular is incredibly sweet, but knows I'm not looking for a relationship at this point. So it works for now.

I would love to stay connected with you ladies who are divorced, especially those of you who have come out on the other side already! Thanks for your stories and info.

Melissa
ggg 12/05
b 7/04

Hi I have been divorced since my children were 3 1/2. They are now 10 and will be 11 in September. It can be very hard being mom, dad, housekeeper, lawn care, school work, everything! Plus working a full time job. My ex rarely sees the kids and never helps out. He might see one of them once a month for a very short overnight visit. He just recently let all 3 spend the night with him on Fathers Day weekend. This was the first time he had all 3 alone for any length of time and they are 10! It is very stressful and at times I think I just can't do all this anymore, but you keep on trucking and try to do the best you can to raise happy, healthy, loving children. It is nice to be able to talk to someone who actually knows what it is like to be a single parent of 3. I hear from singleton moms all the time about how hard it is. LOL!

My husband and I are no longer together, but we have a unique situation. My husband and I are still VERY good friends. He spends time with my boyfriend and I as friends even when the kids aren't around. We both let go of all of the marital issues when we decided it was over, and now we just work together to parent the kids. I ask his opinion on most issues, and we discuss it before acting. He spends a lot of time with the kids, but it is at my house, I usually leave so he can be alone with them, as he has a room mate. He is very good about jumping in to help when I need it, and will come over at a moments notice if the kids say they miss him. He joins us for dinner a lot of the time. Now you might be wondering if my boyfriend has a problem with this, no, he likes my ex a lot, they even hang out some times, (probably to complain about me LOL)and my ex even occasionally offers to watch my bf's kids so we can go out.

Kelli

Morgan (11) & natural (by natural I mean concieved on top of a picnic table at a campground, so maybe it should say nature-al) BBG triplets Eric, Josh, and Hannah born @ 33w1d



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