A few nights ago, at the school's open house my daughter was looking for her birthday cake (paper) in the calendar. It wasn't there. Evidently there is only room for one cake on the 29th and it was her brothers. I know she's sensitive to that sort of thing and it wouldn't be that hard to just write all 3 names on a cake since there's only room for one in the pouch. (she had the girls' behind my sons but not visible.

Is this the sort of thing I should mention to the teacher or just let it slide. I'm not sure if she's had twins in her class before or not but do know that she's fairly new to this school at least (and seems pretty young).

Maybe I should send her an e-mail saying something like "don't hesitate to contact me if any triplet-related issues arrise....here's a website I found about multiples in the classroom (it was useful to me in deciding placement for my trio.)

Would love to hear some of your experiences.

Thanks,

Andi
g/b/g
triplets will be 6 next week!
started kindy on Wed.

Andi,

Thanks for this post. We went to the school "Meet the Teacher" thing last night, and the teacher kept calling my boys "The Triplets". I didn't know what was the best way to ask her to not call them that. They aren't a matched set or something. I just want this to be a really good year for them and don't want to say the wrong thing to start things off badly. Last year wasn't a very good year for them. This is a small school with around 200+/- students K-12. So it's a very small community. Toying with the idea of just mentioning it to the principal. She's been a great resource in the past, and very understanding, she has twin brothers.

Any ideas GREATLY appreciated!

Pam
BBB 9/98

I wouldn't go to the principal just yet. You want a good working relationship with the teacher, and you don't want her to think you are "going over her head". Many people lose all sense when in the presence of multiples and many just don't realize that the words they are choosing are bothersome.

I would send a note or email and say something like "I noticed you called my boys 'the triplets' when you wanted their attention. If you need to refer to them as a group, please call them 'Smith Boys' or 'Smiths',as we do. They are more likely to respond since we don't use the word 'triplet' much around our house. " Then some nice words about how you are looking forward to great year with her, blah blah blah.

If she continues to lump them all together, that's when I would mention it to the principal.

And I'm sure as she gets to know them, she'll likely forget about their "triplet-ness" in the course of her teaching.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

I had to talk to our kinder teacher about calling my kids "the triplets". In fact, their classmates referred to them the same way. I pulled the teacher aside and explained that we wanted them treated as individuals, and we prefer she used their names. The teacher apologized and the problem went away.

I would recommend talking to the teacher before the principal.

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

Hard to answer this one. I could see my niece not being happy about sharing a card with her twin brother. "It's bad enough we have to share the same birthday, and now we have to share a card."

What has the teacher done when 2 kids (non-sibs) share a birthday?

I haven't seen this particular system. So far I've seen a bulletin board with a card for each child. Cards are placed under the month in date order so each card is visible. And BTW- I don't remember this stuff when I was a kid.

I guess I don't see this as JUST a multiples related issue. There are far worse transgressions as OP noted. I'll comment on that one below.

So, I don't know if I would bring it up to the teacher or not. I would mention to my DD that her card IS in there and she probably just put them in alphabetical order. (Of course in K, they know birth order but not alpha-order so you may not win there either.) As you get to know the teacher, you might want to casually mention it and your DD's sensitivity. And take this opportunity to let her know that each should have his/her own birthday song and not one with all the names rambled together.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

Could it be that if there were other kiddos in the classroom with the same birthday, that they too would have their cake in the slot behind someone elses? I wouldn't make too big of a deal. Just wait and see how it goes. Maybe she sends the cake home at the end of the month with the kids and having more than one name on a cake would make that challenging. You never know what the other person is thinking. Hope this is helpful.

How about leaving the "triplet-ness" out of your request. Just tell the teacher that your daughter was bummed that she did not see her name on the birthday board. That seems simple enough that anyone (with a birthday) would understand.

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

Hey, Andi!

I'd play "stupid" about the birthday cake thing. Casually mention that your daughters' birthday cakes were missing and you knew that it bothered them so you thought you'd mention it.

Then, since their birthday is next week, enthusiastically offer to bring in a treat for the class for their birthday. That'll give you an opening to say, "I'd bring three different types of cake because they really DON'T like to be lumped together, so the kids would have a choice of cake." When she responds to the "lumped together" comment you can just laugh and say, "Yeah, you'd be surprised at how many people call them "the triplets" instead of speaking of them by name or like other siblings -- you know, the Smith kids -- it really bothers them a lot! I always thought it would be cool to be a twin or a triplet when I was growing up, but it really does have it's down-side!!

This way you can point it out as an "aside" rather than a criticism and it probably won't occur to her that she is another one of the culprits. I'm pretty sure she'll stop it, though, without you having to complain to her or anyone else.

Of course, at our open house, each parent introduced themselves and named their "child" and I named my children. From there, I was asked one of my least favorite questions: "Oh, are they twins??" I said, "No, they're triplets." And, since learning that their sister passed away, the teacher (who is a really lovely person) has called them "the twins" several times. My teeth go on edge over this one.

Another thing that you can do is to rely upon others to educate on triplet-ness. If you have a good friend with a child in the class, she can also probably be used to get information across without it becoming a whine from "that triplet mom."

BTW, I got a giggle out of your signature line. "...triplets will be 6 next week!" lolololololol!!!

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

This just reminded me.

During our walk-thru (meet the teacher) I dutifully carried out 5 folders full of papers: notices, emergency forms, nice letter from the teacher. Each teacher asked for a note telling her about my child- interests, special talents, learning style. Little things to help them get to know the kids a little better. If your teachers are asking for this, it would be a great time to address how our children are labeled.

Cat,I do hope you will mention something to the teacher. It will be a long year if you don't. I think you were very clear in the meeting. I know you've been through this before and have your "public" answer for the question. But get ready for it to come up with every new activity your children start. I would set the record straight as soon as possible.

Now, that being said. It's my turn to address this issue with music teacher. She is the accompanist for a children's choir that my kids are in. Last year, my girls were in a different group, but still part of the ovrall choir. In her newsletter to parents, she listed the kids from our school who participated, and mine were listed as "John Smith and his quadruplet sisters". Every other child was named individually. My girls DO go to the school, yet didn't have music last year. And their names are printed individually in the programs. I let it slide.

FF to walk-thru and we popped into her room to say hello. She was very excited to see us, and very excited that she'll have them in class as well as in the community choir this year. She called the girls over to her so she could see them face-to-face to get to know them by name. Very impressive, right? Yet she says, "Ok, lets have these quads come over here. Have a seat right here."

So now I'm going to think about whether I shoot her an email and mention it. Or try to find an opportunity to bring it up to her in person. There is little time at choir rehearsal and I'll rarely see her otherwise. Since we also discussed whether or not we'll be participating in fall choir (scheduling issues), I may just send her note thanking her for her time and for her efforts at recognized the girls as individuals.... I'm thinking something like, "while it's no secret that our girls are quadruplets, we try not to highlight the fact, especially around other children." Then give her suggetions: "Smiths", "Smith Girls", "Girls", depending on the situation.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

I am also contemplating this further.

As for your girls being "John and his quadruplet sis's," ...ouch. I think I'd send her a little note pointing out that since the girls have committed to investing their time in the community choir, perhaps the community choir could invest in a bit more ink and add each of the girls' names to the program... Okay. I wouldn't really do it this way, but I sure would understand if you did!! I'm looking forward to hearing how you address this.

In the meantime, I'm struggling with other "school" issues right now, but I'm going to give this further consideration. You're right about my needing to find a way to address this.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

Oh, they were listed by name in the concert programs. This was school music teacher, who is the accompanist for the choir, who mentioned them that way in her newsletter to parents at the end of the school year. If it had been the program, that would be a whole new set of circumstances. Unless of course, they feature my crew doing a Sound of Music number and call them the Von"Smith" family singers. Unfortunately, they weren't all born with that gift, yet they DO love the choir and love to sing. Thankfully the choir is open to "any child with a passion for music."

I will send her note after we've decided if we are going to participate in the choir this season. I booked a vacation before they released the concert dates and we won't be able to attend the concert. BUT both the choir director and the music teacher think they should still participate as they'll learn a lot.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d