Does anyone else have one child of the three that is very insecure? Our triplets just started Kindergarten this week, and lately our DD is very competitive and critical of herself. We try not to compare the kids, and instead praise their individual efforts and achievements. And DD is actually better at a few things than her siblings. But she still always compares herself to others. She's always saying things like, they're better at 'whatever' than me. Or she's prettier than me. Her siblings don't do this. And if her brother and sister are playing together, she'll say "they're not my friends anymore" like they have left her out. Everytime, we tell her not to compare herself to others, that she should have fun and not worry about winning, that everyone has their own strengths. I think it's starting to sink in, but she just can't help herself. Is this just a phase? Is it normal for a five-year old? Any suggestions how we can boost her self-confidence would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!

Lorna
Mommy to Isabel, Jacob, and Norah
Born 7/31/04 at 34+ weeks

I strongly suggest putting her in a few different activities than her siblings. It is a great way for her to be excited and proud about something that is her own. We've done it a couple of times when we had similar issues and it worked out really, really well.

Is she in her own class in school? If it is possible, I would definitely do that because of her competitiveness. It seems like it would be very frustrating and distracting to have her siblings in the same class.

Good luck!!

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

I find one on one time helps, but am still struggling with one of my daughters who just started kindergarten. I do think that a lot of it has to do with the big changes they've got to deal with right now.

This summer they had plenty of time to do what they wanted and now they only have a few hours a day that they are free to just play or whatever. The rest of the time they are either having to do what the teacher says, getting ready for school or sleeping.

Hopefully as they get more used to school and develop their own friendships it will get better. Until then, just try some loving attention and maybe letting her know that you don't buy into her being any less than her brother and sister.

Andi
g/b/g
triplets turn 6 tomorrow!
just started kindy 8/19

One of my DDs has been like this lately too and it has really been concerning me. The kids don't start school for another week so they haven't begun that adjustment yet but I am sure she is worrying about it. I am relieved to see that others' see this issue at this age, hopefully it is a 5 YO thing at least in part. With my DD, I think a lot of it is not feeling "heard" because the other two are very dominant and my DS talks constantly. I am trying to make sure she gets to say what she wants. I have told her to touch my leg if she wants to say something and I will try to get the others to quiet down a bit. She was the last born so when we name the kids, she is often named last and I think she has read too much into that and other small things so we are trying to make some changes there. Thanks for posting this. I am eager to see what others suggest.

Marsha
mom to Nick, Hannah and Paige born July 15, 2004

> She was the last born so when we name the kids,
>she is often named last and I think she has read too much into
>that and other small things so we are trying to make some
>changes there. Thanks for posting this. I am eager to see what
>others suggest.
>

Now that you mention it, my quietest was the last born also. It is easier to do things in birth order but maybe I better mix it up a bit so she's not always last.

Andi