I have been extremely blessed with 3 wonderful girls. I wish I could always feel this way but lately it has been very difficult. My girls have always loved and hated being triplets. They love being special but resent each other for what they call "sharing their friends". Unfortunately, we live in a small school district and my girls tend to gravitate to the same type of kids. We have always had many kids over for play dates at the same time so it has always felt like a party. Kids always wanted to go to the triplets house. That worked when they were little but for a couple of years now it has become more difficult. The girls do not want to share their friends. The fighting has extending to school and to social settings. I can handle the fighting at home, that is what sibling do. My concern is that their friends will feel it is too difficult to be friends with any of the "triplets". My girls hate being called triplets and we never refer to them as that but unfortunately that is what people tend to call them. They have always been separated at school and we have never treated them as a group. They have had separate play dates since they were very little. But now I'm at a loss of how to handle this or help them. Does anyone have a similar situation? I would really appreciate some advice. Thanks. Sheri Furtzaig

I have 13 year old girls too.
Luckily we haven't had this problem but I would approach it like any group dynamics.

You girls don't get to decide who "gets" to be friends with whom.
Friends pick with whom they would like to hang out and that may include more than 1 person (be it sibling or not) We all have had friends that we wish we wish we could spend more "private" time with or who had other friends we didn't care for. That doesn't give us the right to tell them not to be friends. It is no different with sisters.

For example if Alice wants to be friends with Joanna and Joanna is friends with Lisa, then Alice can either join the friendship or stay out. She deosn't get to decide Joanna's friends.

In the same way, if one sister is friends with Joanna and Joanna also wants to be friends with another sister, they can all get along or bow out of the relationship.

I would sit down with your girls and explain to them that while being triplets has its ups and downs, being repectful of siblings and friends is non-negotiable. Honestly, I would punish inappropriate behavior (whether words or actions) by grounding from playdates.

I think you are right that many friends may find picking one of your girls as a friend is too limiting and not worth the friendship.

Good luck The teen years are way more stressful than all the sleepless nights in the world.

I was searching for something advice, etc. on sort of the same thing. My girls are only 10 I have quads. 3 girls and a boy so it's like triplet girls. Same thing when they were younger - it was a party at our house all the time. We are also in a small school and gravitate toward the same type of girls. They are rarely invited anywhere. Since the go out to lunch together nobody "asks" them to go with them. My kids want to know if when they go to middle school they can NOT tell anyone they are QUADS. We also don't refer to them as that. I don't have advice as much as support to say I get it! I know some twins that don't seem to have this resentment thing but my girls certainly do. My one daughter does have a friend from a different school and refuses to have her over if her sisters are around. What I can say is that I think the other kids feel "they don't need anyone" because they have eachother and that couldn't be any further from the truth. I was hoping middle school with more kids will get better but we don't do that until 7th grade and my kids are in 5th. They've also started to be accused of "ganging" up on kids when they are merely putting their two cents in situations. It is so hard I really feel for you.

I also have 13 year old girls. It was refreshing to read that others are experiencing this same issue with their girls. My girls share many of the same friends at school and fight all the time over who's friend "belongs" to whom. This has been getting progressively worse since they were about 11. I've tried to encourage them to make new friends as they are in a large middle school but for some reason they gravitate toward the same girls. The only place that each of them feels content is at their individual "activity" where they are the only sibling (and do not like anyone to mention that they are a triplet). I try to encourage get-togethers with their friends from their "teams" but those girls always seem to end up being friendly with the other siblings in our house!
My girls also have huge issues with their teachers comparing them at school (they are not identical but have some similarities). They put a lot of pressure on themselves to out-do each other in any activity (including grades). They even refuse to join a sport that the other sister is doing so that they don't have to compete with each other (even if they are good at it or enjoy the sport).
I share your struggle and fear for the next few years as the emotional rollercoaster of teenage years begins...
Christine

I know - I really wish I had more advice but it is comforting to know other multiples (girls especially) it seems have the same issues. We've just started Not doing the same things. For example 2 of the 3 girls take art class. One of the girls is in band. With regard to sports teams though - they want to be together. Fortunately my girls are not competive with sports or grades just for attention. Especially attention from me. I get alot of alone time with my son but not as much with each of the girls. I wish I could have an overnight alone with each of them - to have 24 hours of just me and each of the girls. The only problem with that is they aren't so patient - I'd probably have to do it 3 nights in a ro and no matter who went first - someone's feelings would be hurt. Yes, the emotional rollercoaster is beginning. I've also encouraged having girls over from different schools from sports, etc. but they are hesitant as they end of "sharing" the friend. We all need strength to get through this. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around shell-shocked - like I can't say anything right so I say nothing at times.

I have 12 year old trips 2 boys 1 girl. Do any of you feel like one of your trio ever acts like a "middle child"?? Help. I have one boy who sometimes seems withdrawn and on the "outside" of his brother and sister.

My identical triplet girls had the same problem. When my girls were toddlers, I read an article stressing the importance of making sure your identical triplets understood that they were individuals. I strived for this ideal. Thus the girls grew up in an environment were separatedness was a good thing. While striving to keep their separate identities, I may have overlooked the beauty of their oneness. I now tell my girls that its ok for others to see them as one. Its ok for them to do things as one. I tell my girls that outside people want to feel special and by looking at you as special, as triplets, they feel special. And that's ok.

My daughters have also shared one friend at different times. I lovingly called this friend 4D, my fourth daughter because she has been a friend to different daughters over the past 5 years. Triplets have unique challenges, but in the end with prayer and a little wisdom, all seems to work out ok.