My kids are at the sensitive age of 12 and are becoming increasingly frustrated with people for insensitivly asking 'which one are you" or treating them as a group by refering to them as triplets or, what they hate the most, 'Trips'. It is most frustrating to them that their grandparents, who live in town, have to make a big scene about it or introduce them as 'they are triplets' or this is so and so, he is a triplet. We have addressed this with the grandparent, to little avail- they will continue to do as they do regardless to how they hurt their grandkids feelings.

None the less, has anyone come across the magic wand that helps in aiding others to know who is who? It doesn't help that my boys are identical. I gave them each their own disctinct hair style. This has helped some but not most. My one son is frustrated with other boys his age who call both he and his brother by the same name.

Please share your insights-- even if it is lament that your kids are in the same boat.

I don't have any advice for you. My kids are only 6 and I have GBGB and they are not identical. However, I have the same problem, kind of. I am the one who is very sensitive about it. I tell people quadruplets is WHAT they are...not WHO they are. People at school refer to them as the Quads all the time and it drives me nuts. Their great-grandmother does the same thing. I have decided that their great-grandmother is just too set in her ways and has referred to them as "the quads" since they were born. There really is nothing I can do about it, so I have decided to just ignore it. I have asked the people at school not to refer to them as the quads, and they just don't listen to me.

Anyway, I am interested to hear what other people have to say about this. Hopefully they will have some great ideas for your boys and for me.

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

We don't have this problem, that is, my children don't care if people call them "triplets" or "the trips". but if it did...

for the 12 year olds and their grandparents, I would suggest next time the grandparents call them "the triplets" etc. one of the kids say "Gramma, please don't call me that. It makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel like less of a person." I can't believe any grandparent would continue to make their granchild feel so bad.
Remind your children, habits are hard to break and it may take a few times.

For the younger kids, maybe just teach them to roll their eyes until they are brave enough to speak up.

Like I said, it never bothered my girls, many of their friends call them "the trips", but they are expert eye-rollers to most adults.



Judie and Victor
lucky parents to
Frankie 3/95
Maggie 7/96
Rose 7/96
Elizabeth 7/96

Sad to say, but it's just the way it is. I've got fifteen year old quad boys, two of which are identical, and they've just had to accept that this comes with being quads. When they were younger, the identicals wore glasses and one of them had red glasses and he had an "R" in his name, so that was the tip I gave people. Now they wear contacts, so there's really no way to help people. You can say A is a little heavier than M, but if they only see one, there's no way to tell if he's the heavier one! One of the things I noticed is that they sometimes were called by their last name by coaches who didn't want to take the time to learn their first names.

You might tell your boys that they should feel flattered that someone is trying to figure out who is who by asking them, and not just calling them by their last name. I would also remind them that people are not being disrespectful by referring to them as triplets and that they probably have no idea that they don't like that term. People see triplets as something special, and think they are showing that uniqueness by calling them trips. Grandparents are often proud of having triplets or quads as their grandchildren, and want others to know how special they are.

They'll grow out of this stage!

Heather, BBBB (two identical, two fraternal) 28 1/2 weeks, now age 18!

Although I'm not a parent, I am a triplet. Try to get your sons into different hobbies. I play guitar, my sister plays piano, and my other sister is just different altogether. As we started growing apart in how we spent our time, our personalities changed.

I'm quiet, wear darker clothes than them, and I sing. Liz is a tomboy, loves to ride four wheelers, and is an amazing listener. Rae is extremely outgoing, plays piano and can talk a mile a minute. Although we look the same, people can tell us apart because we act very different from each other- in how we speak, dress, carry ourselves etc.

So what I'm trying to say is, if they start to do different things, the more their personalities will grow and people will be able to tell them apart. It's not a quick fix, but it pays off in the end

My girls easily solve this problem by totally and completely ignoring anyone who isn't calling them by the correct name. Period. This was not my suggestion to them, they just said very logically, "well, they weren't calling ME, they were calling someone else, so why should I answer?" Can't deny the logic. None of the other parents can tell them apart--even with one in braces and longer hair--but all of their friends can.

My mil always introduces them as "the triplets" which is ok, I guess, but we also have another child who she leaves out of the introductions--which just infuriates me. It's like she just wants the attention. What is it about old people?!