Hello -

I am sending this out there for whomever to read and if only one person benefits then that is great.

My DH and I met in 2005 and were married a year later and started trying to have kids immediately after. We were both in our early/mid 30's, so I didn't feel like "wasting time". Within months we are seeking the help of fertility treatments due to some issues on my end and a year or so later I was pregnant with triplets.

The stress of trying to get pregnant was quickly forgotten because we had the stress of being pregnant with 3 and trying to stay healthy! Once the girls were born it was utter sleep deprivation, exhaustion, never being alone and then having his mother live with us for the first year, so never having any privacy to connect emotinally, physcially or just talking. We fell apart very quickly. We attempted counseling when the girls were only 7 months old but had to stop due to one of our girls health concerns and needing to undergo skull surgery for craniosyntosis. Her sugery was in January 2010. We seemed to connect and rely on one another during this time, but really once the dust all settled from that and we moved to a larger home and got his mother out of our house things just really got tough again.

On one side my children had a great dad and he was always there and actually we were a 50/50 team with our girls. But he just wasn't a 50/50 partner in the marriage so we went down hill pretty fast. We gave a last ditch effort, I got my DH to agree to therapy (2nd time) and started therapy in Oct 2010. We started in couple's therapy and I went in thinking "man this guy has got to change" and it was all him. I would have bet our home that he had all the issues. Really just after 2-3 times, it was clear that it was not all him and I really began to take some ownership of some of our issues. We went on to individual therapies as he was battling some depression as it came out and he was able to get some additional one-on-one time to talk about those things and even agreed to get on some meds and I was able to work through my approaches, etc. We still came together as a group (me, DH and our therapists) about once a month.

In the summer of 2011, we found this GREAT speaker and if I can tell you that I would encourage ANYONE who is having any trouble in their marriage (even those that may NOT be contemplating divorce) to reach out to this website and see if this guy is speaking in your area or surrounding areas because I think this really pushed us closer together. His name is Mark Gunger and his seminar is called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. We traveled 5 hours (one way) to see him and trust me when I say, that my DH was not running to do this, but did it for me and I will say after the first nights session, my DH was very pleased and said it was "well worth the trip". It's a 2 day session, 4 hours each day. You can also get his seminars via DVD too.

We had our last therapy session in December and both agreed we have come so far in the year we were in therapy and have really connected again as a couple which is only going to make us a strong family in the end. Plus our girls get to see their mommy and daddy loving eachother more. Even our therapist agreed we seemed to be doing great and wanted to check back in with us in 3-4 months.

So I am here just to say that I know there are some bad situations out there, but that when things are tough it doesnt always mean a bad ending. Our girls are now almost 3 years old and we are light years away from where we were when they were just months old. If you put in the time and the effort there might just be a chance to save your marriage.

Good luck,
Kris

mommy to GGG
born 2/20/09

That's great that you got your marriage worked out and it showed signs that both of you wanted to work on the marriage instead of one always trying.
My ggg were born in 03' and my husband ran into alot of problems to the point where divorce was going to be an option. I only stayed because of the girls, and nobody cannot do triplets alone. Somehow we managed to work things out, and to this day we are still together, but it sure was tough going for the first few years.
All I can say is that having kids, especially multiples is not a piece of cake, it really puts the marriage through a test. It takes two people who are committed to each other and want to work things out, especially when the marriage takes a hit.

thank you both for writing. I will look into getting Marks dvds.

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