I am so sad for my family. I hoped and dreamed of a caring dh and a white picket fence but now I am living alone with my triplets. I am afraid that I will never trust another soul again. My dh was so wrong. I am so mad at him. How could this be? I believed that we could make it through everything, especially something so precious as being blessed with healthy triplets. Now, here I am alone with 3, 1 year olds. I am so scared. How will I ever provide for them? I was supposed to be a SAHM, I think it is important. I fear that their dad will be a bad influence. He was so uncaring before we split. He seems to want to see them for now but I am afraid of the future. I hate dropping them off with him. I miss them so much. Who is helping him? What if some other woman is caring for them? Yuck, it makes me mad. I am so dang mad. Why? Why has this happened? I just wanted a stable family for my kids but I had to leave him because he was so mean to me. Why was he such a jerk? God, I pray that everything will work out and our children will be happy.

I'm so sorry to read your post. I noticed that there are people reading your post (and mine, about the depressed husband) that read the post but don't reply, and I'm not sure why people are curious but don't want to say anything. I feel like we are here to support each other.

My babies are just as few months older than yours,and I can totally relate to the scary feeling of being financially and physically responsible for all these little lives.

Do you have family and friends that are supportive? That is really helpful emotionally. My friends just kinda dropped off because I think they just couldn't relate (many didn't have kids at all.) If you can afford it, sometimes just having a babysitter come for a few hours so that you can spend some time for yourself (going to the gym or something) is really worthwhile.

In the meantime, the days I'm sure feel so hard. But I'm told this all gets easier once they get a bit older and are potty trained, and then eventually go off to kindergarten.

Hang in there. I'm in there in the muck with you in many ways (i'm the sole wage earner for our family right now), if that is any consolation.

es in California

Hey, thanks for responding. I don't understand why others read and don't respond either.

I am having trouble reading posts from others who have normal situations, as I find myself angered that my family can't be normal. All the day to day stuff seems easy now that I am in survival mode. I do have a great family but they don't live near me. Like you, my friends have dwindled since the babies were born. My best friends live far as well but they are supportive over the phone. I am lucky to have just moved into a wonderful neighborhood where people are asking to help. Things are starting to get better. They are way better than they were when I was living with dh. I am so much happier.

I should of read your post before responding. I don't know the details, but I probably can relate. I think my dh is depressed too. According to 3 therapists he may have had a psycotic break from stress and the use of diet pills and xanax. He thinks he has done nothing wrong, he believes he is perfect and I caused this. I refused to live with an abusive person. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it is ok to disrespect others. I just pray that I can provide for them because I think he will eventually lose his job and stop paying child support. He seems to be on self destruct.

How do you have time to be the sole provider and take care of triplets? I am optimistic but with the economy and me being out of the work force so long I am scared to even start looking for a job. I don't even know where I am moving to at this point. I am living in a furnished condo and our stuff is in storage. I guess I am just waiting for the divorce and for me to get my head wrapped around what just happened. Sorry so long.

I sent you a PM.

Lynlee

Mom to

Preston 1/91
Devin 3/92
Michael 4/05



http://tripletsplus3inreallife.blogspot.com/

If he was that mean to you especially in front of the kids I think you have done the right thing by leaving him. Nobodies kids deserve to see or hear that kind of behavior. Life is too short to be treated badly by anyone nevertheless someone that is suppose to love and cherish you. Things will work out.

Debbie
33wks GBG
1/25/08

5 years ago I was in your shoes. I had 3 toddlers( 3,3,26 mos and 11mos) and an infant with Down syndrome. My ex moved out at my request and I had 4 children with various medical and developmental challenges. I was also a SAHM and had virtually no job skills despite a college degree. We used a mediator for the divorce and the lawyers set it up so that I had 2 years to develop some sort of career. There is no alimony in Texas if you're married less than 10 yrs so I only had child support and 2 of the kids had disability payments.The child support went directly to the mortgage company for 2 years. We were on food stamps. I had some help from my parents for childcare until they were both too ill to be able to handle the kids. I made a plan to return to school to get a teaching degree. I couldnt' afford childcare for 4 kids and my surviving triplets were under DRs orders NOT to attend group care before KG. (They were 24 weekers.) I had to do online school to obtain my teaching certificate and a Masters degree. It was hard and I didn't sleep a lot. And I'm up to my eyeballs in debt now. I was active in the local MOMs group and they were wonderful to me! They helped with meals, childcare and emotional support.This site also provided lots of emotional and even financial support to me when I needed it most. What helped the most was the times when the kids were with their father. I had some time to be alone, sleep, catch up on schoolwork and just be "me" and not a mom. I started to remember who I wanted to be long before marriage and children. I made friends with single parents and childless singles. I cried a lot, then I cried less.
You WILL get thru this. If your husband ( ex?) was mean to you (abusive?) you are MUCH better off without him. So are the kids. Consider it dodging a bullet. You will get stronger and you will survive. Make sure you get legal protection (child support,alimony,etc.) for you and your children. As the children grow, they will see what kind of man their father truly is.Maybe he will get his act together and be a good father,maybe not. But they will figure it out. YOU have to be their rock. It will be lonely, it will be thankless, it will be hard, but you CAN do it. and you will be better for it. And things WILL get better.
We are hear to listen.

hugs & God Bless

Korrie~
^i^B/G/G 24 w 3d,1/17/00
B 10/31/01
B 1/27/03

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="" alt="Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>

I am just reading your post now. I don't usually read this section. Many times I read posts hoping to learn something or hoping maybe I have some answers. Sadly, many times by the time I am done reading the post, I realize that I have nothing to offer in the way of help. Instead of posting some useless ramblings, I just don't respond.

I hope that you have found some direction for yourself at this point. I can't imagine being in your shoes and doing this all alone.

You will be in my thoughts as you travel this long journey.

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

Hi

You are not alone. A number of us face problems with DH.

as a mother, we naturally protect the kids, spend more time with them and then DH demand attention as well. we work (for working mothers), come home and continue on 2nd shift and night shift and start all over again.

DH's time will be: he works, come home play with kids, then retreat to do his writing or his reading or video watching, sleep and go to work the next day.

we worry about house work, food, even maintenance of the house and bills payments!

then i suppose, i feel like it is not fair share. especially when kids are sick, he questions why we did not care well, especially when temperature goes high..why we are careless when kids fall, knock themselves etc. sometimes i am like a zombie..sick caring for 3 sick ones...

As irritating as it is, the kids love their father, and their eyes lit up when they saw him coming...that's y we as mothers tail on.

But reading notes from trouble marriages is to remind us to avoid certain pitfalls...not responding is because we do not know how to solve your problems or how to comfort you.

So dont be upset if you dont receive many responses. We care for you.


cftan
GGG 3/7/06 37 w
Jiamin, Jiaqi & Jiaying