For those of you who had long NICU stays how did you handle visitors?

During the week I'm going up by myself trying to kangaroo and pump. My husband drops by after work but can't stay long and weekends are when he gets to kangaroo.

I know the family is just trying to show support, but it's getting so hard to schedule visitors around every thing else. I had explained this to people and asked for them to be patient giving us a few days notice. However, today while kangarooing, my stepmom text messaged and my aunt hoping to come see them pretty much immediately.

Just wondering how to handle it without upsetting people.

Christina

Daughter born 1/4/09
BBB born 9/9/10 @ 27w 5d
Daughter born 8/14/12
http://schroeters.blogspot.com/

If you have a good relationship with your nurses, lean on them.

Here you gotta be tough. Ignore the text message until you are done...tell them you were just not in a position to respond to the text message. Trying to get in touch with you during that time is just plain problematic, and it's easier for them to get in touch with you when you aren't there.

And if they have a habit of coming by without planning, let your nurses know and they will probably help you run interference.

Ryan & Megan
GGG Born 8/9/10 28 weeks 5 days
Lily Ann 2lbs 12oz. 54 days in NICU
Emma Grace 2lbs 6oz. 55 days in NICU
Abigail Rose 2lbs 7oz. 55 days in NICU
http://thesmithfamilytriplets.blogspot.com/

Our triplets were in the NICU for 4 and 5 months. In that time, only my mom, dad, and step mom really say the kids at all and got to hold them. My husband and I were at the NICU everyday from 7:00am to midnight. We only let a a few friends in to see them but never to hold them.

At this time you need to not worry about offending people. Let them know your kids are too fragile to handle visitors right now. If they want to see the kids maybe let them do that but no touching. You schedule the time not them.

Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

Thanks. We aren't letting anyone touch them. Which is why I prefer not to let people in when we are Kangarooing at all. We even took the NICU's rule of no children younger then 13 unless they are siblings up a notch. Cousins and my step mom where wanting to bring their kids in too. So we said no school age children at all. They are just exposed to too much at school.

My step mom has been calling me or texting constantly since yesterday to try and see them. I keep explaining we're busy. Yesterday we were supposed to meet with the doctor as she wants to talk with both my husband and I. So she was even calling to see how that went. I am glad she cares about the boys and that we do have such a great relationship, but I can't call everyone every time we talk to the doctor. That's why I have the blog. As each boy has gotten off CPAP I've taken a picture on my phone and sent it to the grandparents. So I do little things like that for them.

My own Mom has seen them twice. As they wheeled them by after the c-section and last weekend. Everyone else came by every day we were in the hospital to see them. My husband was barely in my room as he took tours of people down. At least now they can't get into the NICU unless we walk them in and sign them in., but that doesn't stop them from asking. I've been doing great with the stress and worry, but I think this is the issue that might break me. Which logically I realize is very silly.

Christina

Daughter born 1/4/09
BBB born 9/9/10 @ 27w 5d
Daughter born 8/14/12
http://schroeters.blogspot.com/

we didn't let anyone touch while they were in there, not even grandparents. It hurt feelings, but was safest for the girls. What if you posted on the blog and let everyone know that the hospital is cracking down on visitors because we are heading into cold and flu season? the nurses will back you up. I agree with others, let the phone ring and let texts go unanswered. You can change your outgoing message to say you're busy with the babies and will call back when you 'have free time' which will be about a year from now And try not to let it get to you, you are busy enough worrying about babies. You don't need any more stress right now. This will be behind you before you know it. Just keep taking things a day at a time (or an hour when things are rough) and keep going. It really does get easier.


Brenda
mom to GGGs born 6/29/09 at 32w4d

Put it all on the nurses and the NICU, if you feel uncomfortable and don't want to upset people. We had all of our visits the first two weeks, since we live so far away. The first week we let nobody hold them. The second week we let our moms. Then my FIL and step-MIL came, and we gave them privileges to get in without us, simply so I wouldn't have to go on their schedule. I'd show up and they'd have the girls out already. One nurse did pull me aside at one point and say that if I didn't want anybody holding the girls to let her know, and she'd be the hard-ass so nobody would take it out on me.

I also get not wanting to call everybody after each appointment. We'd tell people "we'll call when we have time", and we did update the blog every night. But family would still call - each person thought "the rule" didn't apply to them, and would ignore us. So we just didn't answer the phone, called them when we had time (usually on the weekend, since hubby didn't work), and when they asked why we hadn't called we'd say because we were at the NICU and got home to late (helped that we are an hour behind one family and three another).

Amy

Mom to Julia, ^Caitlin^ & Gabrielle



http://onealaskanmom.wordpress.com

Those are great ideas. Unfortunately we have 2family members who work at the hospital, one in the NICU (my step moms sister in law) and my cousins best friend works in the NICU too. We didn't put anyone on our support person list simply so that we wouldn't end up with people visiting or doing something without our knowledge. I did mention something about visitors in my blog, but I may need to do another, more stern one.

Thanks for the suggestions.

Christina

Daughter born 1/4/09
BBB born 9/9/10 @ 27w 5d
Daughter born 8/14/12
http://schroeters.blogspot.com/

That does make it tougher. Could you establish your own visiting hour(s)? If someone wants to visit they can only come during your designated time, which you can put in between all the stuff you have/want to do with the babies and if they can't make it during that time, then too bad. You could spell it all out on your blog. Is there a way to keep that info at the top of the page so it's hard to miss no matter when someone visits? Maybe even change your voice mail message to direct people to the blog for updates.

We had several people show up unannounced at the NICU. I think some people thought they'd be able to just peak through a window at the babies like at the regular nursery. My minister came once when I was just sitting down to pump and I had the receptionist tell him it wasn't a good time. I love the guy and did not mind seeing him at all, but I kept myself on a strict schedule of pumping and being with the babies for their feedings, so I couldn't just drop everything.

I don't think it's weird at all to feel stressed about this. You have so much on your mind right now and the last thing you should have to worry about is accommodating other people. I think the only thing you can do is figure out what's going to work best for your new family and stick to your guns when people think your rules shouldn't apply to them.

Mom to GBG born in July 2009 at 30w6d: 3#10oz, 3#12oz, 3#2oz

I was tough and didn't allow visitors unless they went with me (happened maybe twice in over 2 months) or they went when my husband was there. I was too focused on the babies to talk to any family and explain things to them. PS- our nicu only allowed our parents in the nicu so that cut down on a lot of requests. I was honest with my mom and dad and let my husband talk to his parents about it, everyone respected our wishes. I should clarify, they respected our wishes and stopped showing up when I just let them wait outside and wouldn't leave the isolettes side and told the nurses to tell them I was too busy for visitors.

When Warren and Micah had tummy issues a few weeks ago they had what ended up being a false positive on Warren's blood work. We knew Micah had a UTI so when we thought that Warren had an infection too we stopped all visitors. Then when we found out the next day Warren's second lab came back clear we just stuck with the restriction.

It's helped a ton. Family backed off and even though we are taking visitors again. It's been only grandparents, each set 1x in the last two weeks and out of town visitors like Great Grandma and my Brother-in-Law who we haven't seen in 4 years. So people who don't come often and it's actually nice to share with them.

It's helped quite a bit.

Christina

Daughter born 1/4/09
BBB born 9/9/10 @ 27w 5d
Daughter born 8/14/12
http://schroeters.blogspot.com/

Too bad about the family members working in the NICU, as I agree about letting the nurses play the heavy. Our NICU only allowed 4 visitors other than parents. If you weren't on the list, you didn't get to visit (escort or no). Dh's family lives close so they saw the kids quite a bit while they were in the NICU, but mine really didn't until they came home (last one home at 23d).

My only problem was with MIL. She is not at all self-reliant and wanted to come with me. she's not very maternal so she literally thought I would spend 15 minutes at the most. I told the nurses about her and they totally had my back. I made dh bring her because I couldn't have her with me. The nurse told her to stop talking when the babies were feeding because it was taking too much energy for them to listen to her. So that pretty much put an end to her visits. The nurses are truly your friend!!! People just don't understand preemies especially if they have never experienced it before.

I allowed only my close family and friends to see the babies like within the first two days after they were born. After that I said no visitors. My mom, dad, MIL, FIL could go on their own to see the babies but could not bring anyone with them. It is NICU policy to allow up to 4 visitors to go see the babies without the parents. This helped me because sometimes they would just drop milk for me. The nurses would not allow anyone to hold any of the babies without the parents present and with permission. So I didnt have to worry about that. You will just have to be tough and if they dont understand then oh well. It really isnt a time for just anyone to pop in for a visit. Some people just dont understand that. I didnt have much issues with it. After I was discharged pretty much I just told everyone no.

Kelly
GGB born 30 weeks

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